Top of 2016 #7: 7 Signs You Should Go Outside

(Last one! Originally posted HERE.)

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  1. At the urging of loved ones, including the dying orchid in the corner, you decide to open the window.  Taking a big sniff of fresh air, you promptly pass out.  Apparently, you’ve been inside for so long that your body mistook the clean air for poison.  On the plus side, your trip to the hospital counts as getting out and meeting new people, so your family will leave you alone for a week.
  2. You answer the door for Halloween and kids run screaming from your terrifying ghost costume.  You consider it a step in the right direction since last year they thought you were a zombie.  Still, you might want to do something about being paler than an albino.
  3. The slightest ray of natural sunlight causes you to do your best Gizmo from Gremlins imitation.  Complete with high-pitched screaming about the bright light and the smell of burning flesh.  Though that second one might be caused more by you using matches for small light sources.
  4. You have no recollection of what your town looks like. Google Earth helps you fake it when your online friends ask about where you live.  But you just said you enjoy going to a restaurant that burned down a year ago.  Maybe you should start taking some walks before people start thinking you’re a computer program instead of a real human.
  5. The last time you saw your house key, it was in your jacket pocket.  Now you have no idea where either one is.  Though the pile of moth-eaten fabric with a sprinkling of rust looks familiar.  Come to think of it, where did those moths go to?
  6. You cannot confidently answers the question ‘Are you animal, vegetable, or mineral?’ because you might be all three.
  7. There is a car waiting outside your house and you have no idea where it came from. It just sits there and nobody ever comes to claim it.  The police have driven by and say that they don’t see this mystery car.  You think you are losing your mind because the car is right there.  Now that you think about it, you vaguely remember owning a Corolla as well.  That same color too, but not as rusty and faded.  Whatever happened to that thing?  OH!

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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16 Responses to Top of 2016 #7: 7 Signs You Should Go Outside

  1. I had to laugh out loud all over again. *Looks out the window* Nope no need to do it today.


  2. C.E.Robinson says:

    (laughing)…sending you a ray of sunshine today from SoCal. Just one, don’t want you to panic at the bright light! Have a great weekend! 🎶Christine


  3. As a hermit (writer) sometimes I venture out to get the mail and I’m totally not dressed for whatever the weather conditions are because I had no clue what it was doing outside.


  4. Bookwraiths says:

    Perfectly captures how I feel after (seemingly) living at the office for weeks at the time. 😦


  5. Pingback: Gremlins 3: A Bad Idea? Uhm, Yeah? - Desolation Morris

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