Let’s be honest. You know who this is and where he’s from.
This is a quick post that just came to my head and forced me to push another spontaneous one to late June. Basically, this connects to the paranormal thriller I’m working on and how I think it’s affecting me.
The story takes place in an asylum where strange things happen and every character has mental issues. Many of them are taking a downward spiral too, especially the main one that I spend most of my time with. He starts with depression, anxiety, cutting, and suicidal thoughts. So going further into the abyss isn’t pretty. I also don’t think he’s going alone.
The longer I work on this story, the less I want to deal with people. I find myself purposely searching for things that make me depressed because I don’t want to be happy. This isn’t even conscious since I just sort of do it. Loud noises are making me angry and I’ve actually tried to strangle the cordless phone. Heck, not even loud noises since I hear someone walking on the wooden floor and it’s irking me. I’ve always had mood issues and push toward pessimism, but this is getting a little ridiculous. Things seem to be getting worse as I write this and I just want it out of the way. Again, I really hope to finish this by Friday and then I’ll have to figure out what to do with it.
I will admit that this isn’t the first time I’ve had stuff like this happen. Scenes with Stephen Kernaghan always left me drained and disgusted, which led to a break with something happy. I’ve teared up when my characters break down and smiled when they’re rising to victory. Yet, this time around is eating away at my mood and opening up a few doors that I might not want to open. Maybe this thing taking place in a non-fantasy world is making it more real for me since Nevra Coil has something similar and I didn’t have any issues. Then again, I could just be flinging weird ideas all over the place.
Where am I going with this? I’m not sure because this whole thing kind of scares me and I’m unclear if putting it into the public arena is a good idea. Yet, I’m left wondering if it’s just me. Do other authors find themselves drawn into the emotions of their characters? Is that the sign of a good author?
Legends of Windemere 
Charles, the last book I finished involved the perspectives of three characters, one of whom murdered several people and burned three villages, killing dozens more. He was pretty dark. I found that I had to take breaks away from him, because, yeah, I felt what he felt. Good authors, like good actors, get into the heads of their characters.
I can only hope that you’re giving yourself breaks–even short ones–from this story.
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Trying to. Though I’m at a point where I just want to barrel through it. I’d try to pull an all-nighter, but I don’t have anywhere I can do that. Not until later in the week and I don’t want to wait that long.
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Well, at least you can get on your bike and work off some of the negative energy.
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Possibly. Though I get bored on the bike after a while, so it’s not the best thing to use for that.
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I had to set my book about too sisters in the 50s aside for similar reasons. I loved the story, but it took a toil on me emotionally…just too close to home. I may go back to it. I dunno. I have no clue about the ending…just hasn’t gelled for me, so I don’t feel rushed. My psycho thriller is another story. I love the ending I have planned for it, but writing it has been a slow process because it’s complicated and I don’t want to be too telling in the first part. As it progresses, there’s more of the paranormal element introduced and I want to do it right.
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It really is hard to go back to something when it hits too close. That might be what I’m dealing with here too. Might get easier as I hit the third act. Do you find that the paranormal element helps create some emotional distance or a buffer?
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This psycho thriller involves some clairvoyant dreams. Having had a string of those in the eighties…it still seems a bit close to home. I think the first hand experience helps, but recalling the nightmares shakes me up a little. It’s working out. I do find that “rule” about not starting with a dream a tad ridiculous, since the nightmares are part of the story for my character and how they parallel what is going on in real life. The ability to draw on the professional distance that I used in nursing helps. You can empathize with patients, but not let their emotions become yours. In a way, you have to care a little less. That sounds sort of rude, but with my psych patients I reminded myself who they were (eg. not family, but acquaintances.) They were people I would work with and perhaps never see again. I guess the sisters book is different, because I am relating about real life family members in a way. That’s where it becomes emotional.
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I’ve heard of that rule, but I think it’s more of a guideline. If a dream is what the beginning calls for and works then that’s how it should be done. I’ve heard the emotional distance thing about nurses and doctors too. You need that line to make it through the difficult events that are part of the job.
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I know what you mean, Charles. In my thriller/ murder mystery the serial killer frightened me so much I couldn’t sleep without seeing him in my dreams or should I say nightmares. I was relieved when I finally finished the book. Now I am in a much better frame of mind working on a middle- grade series and fun adventures – nothing sinister as murder. I guess when our characters take over that shows we are in a creative zone. It is wonderful but creepy!
Best of luck with finishing up your book and closing down the creepy feelings! Lol!
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Congrats on getting to a brighter project. That’s probably the best thing to do after a rough one. Find something lighthearted.
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Finishing an emotionally charged book myself. I was just bitching to another writer that never before has Truman Capote’s quote “Finishing a book is just like you took a child out in the back yard and shot it.” felt so true. I guess an emotional link to the characters is unavoidable. If you want your readers to feel emotions, then you have to lay your own on the table first.
Looking forward to reading this story of yours. I like crazy…as long as it’s someone else’s crazy.
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Thanks. Never heard the quote before, but it does ring true. Hope I can get the story done and at a place where I feel like sharing. I have to admit that a part of me wants to finish it and lock it away for a while.
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It’s like method acting, but for authors! I’m sure there must be a name for that. I think what you’re feeling is perfectly natural, that said, you need to go watch clips of cute animals right now! Seriously though, when I wrote a serial killer, he totally disturbed me. I had to get him out of my head pretty quickly, and many writers feel that way when the connection is strong. When I’m in the head space of my close protection team, I start thinking and sometimes replying as they would – which freaks the hell out of my daughters! So, I can relate, but it sounds as though Friday can’t come quickly enough. You need to write a short story about a leprechaun who is drunk on happiness; everywhere he looks he sees rainbows; when people speak he hears music, and life is just one big party! I’m not sure what your process is, but the second time around, during the editing process, I’m more detached. If that’s the case for you, maybe it will be a little easier?
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Noticing a lot of people wrote serial killers that disturbed them. Wonder if that’s the most common thing here. I’ve never replied like a character and I tend to keep a lot of them in check. Maybe the timing on this one was just bad since I was in a mood when I started. I’ve been writing to more upbeat music, but it gets rough at times. Don’t even want to think about the editing part.
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I get too easily distracted by music, but I try sometimes. I hope your mood improves once you meet your Friday deadline 😀
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Thanks. I condensed some scenes and removed some filler, so I should have this done by Wednesday. Then I can relax for the rest of the week and return to Windemere next Monday.
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Yay! Happy times 😉
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I think it’s the sign of a good writer. Maybe you need a supporting character that is a bit more upbeat to influence the roller coaster you want to place us on.
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To be honest, there’s an upbeat character. She’s just crazy. The story and setting don’t really allow for a sweet, sane character. Not one that would last longer than a few pages.
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Think about how much you’re learning. Assess after you finish. I’ll co-miserate with you offline one day.
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Hope I’m learning something. Feel really over my head here.
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I have a hunch you’re doing fine.
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I will be when this is over. 😀
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Don’t know about making a good or bad author but I always get involved with my characters. I like the idea that you are involved. I also think you should let this one rest for a while before editing.
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I agree. Going to need a lot of time before I come back to it.
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And a few pizza’s
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Maybe just one day of it. Don’t want to overdo things. Then again, I bought a 12 pack of beer that only I like.
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Well seems like you need something to go with the 12 pack.
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Uh . . . a 6 pack of Redd’s Green Apple Ale?
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That too,
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You’re not the first and won’t be the last, Charles. I don’t think it’s all that strange. You’re connecting with your characters.
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True. Though I do hope a few keep their distance. 🙂
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I’m glad I’m not the only one! In my last book I spent so much time in the stressed out lives of my characters that I became physically sick. My symptoms disappeared when I finished the first draft. We have to live our characters’ lives if we want them to come alive on the page, but it isn’t always a fun place to be.
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I actually had a day like that last week. That’s probably why I keep hoping to get through this quickly. On the plus side, it helped me recognize a bunch of filler sections that did nothing for the story.
Glad to hear you felt better after the first draft.
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To me and my writing anyway, it’s all about my mood of the moment – at least when I begin a piece. Some of my work may seem like a downer but, for the main, I am not so down these days. Right now, I’m fairly happy and relaxed so I can write more fully, in hindsight and fear, about those down times.
I’m striving for a less emotional roller coaster sort of period right now. Life feels mellow. Maybe I can write some really depressing stuff 😛
Ellespeth
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Mood of the moment is definitely important. I try not to write when depressed, which gets rough when it’s a dark scene. Good luck on being on less of a roller coaster.
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It sounds intense. I think you’re right to finish a draft, but maybe take some time to decompress afterward.
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Just finished tonight. Taking a break and going back to the fantasy stuff on Monday. Should be able to carve out a few hours of rest among the errands.
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I think this might be perhaps because of the old saying that we are, in part, each and every character we write about. We take one part of our personality or reaction to it expressed by another person (with whom we have inevitably been up close in the first place.) and we put it inside the book, inside a character.
I too have a similar experience when I am writing my dark characters. One thing though is that I have been writing them for so long that now I find it harder to draw on happy emotions and build a different character. So I would say: all in moderation, feel free to step back from your dark character whenever you feel the need and counter him by watching photos of kittens or pandas 🙂 I think you will indeed be relieved when you are done writing and I think you will learn from the experience. I also think that this might be a good way to vent the frustrations we all experience daily.
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Thankfully, that project has been done for a week or two. Just in time since I’m exhausted and probably would have been more open to the darker side of things. Think I’m going to stick with fantasy. It seems easier to put positive stuff into it even with the darker, meaner characters.
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