Young Frankenstein Lab
Welcome to . . . please don’t touch the cobwebs. We spent a lot of time getting those to look just right and we have enough trouble with the spiders trying to fix them. Those poison-spewing bastards think they own the place. That reminds me. Wear this mask to protect yourself or sign this ‘In Case of Eye Loss’ form. We may be mad scientists here, but we take liability very seriously. So, what can I do for you?
This facility can build you any monster you want. We have Kaiju-sized, tank-sized, human-sized, and . . . we have small ones too. To be honest, we don’t get many requests for tiny creatures. Everyone wants the big or human creatures. I’ll have to dust off the old book and special order the parts. Now pricing will be an issue right away. You can’t have a single mini-monster unless you pack in enough oomph to make it unstable. Remember that killer doll? Yeah, he just went downhill after he lost his edge and decided that comedy was more his thing. On the plus side, he paid us a lot to make a wife, so I can’t complain too much. At least they still get work. That’s the kind of repeat business you want in this trade since people tend to damage your hard work. Don’t even get me started on what those sadists did to the Gremlins.
Good choice with the swarm, which means you need speed and stealth. Dark colors are best for this, so I recommend a black or dark blue. Yes, we do have alligator skin and hyena fur, but the latter isn’t really dark. You’re thinking of a scaly creature with a line of fur down the back? Desert adventure might work if you make it a burrower and have the fur stay above ground like grass. We can make it look like dead grass easily. I suggest giving them mole feet to handle the digging, which puts it at about two feet long not counting the tail. A stingray tail would certainly be nasty. Are you sure you haven’t done this before?
Let’s get to the fun part, which is method of killing and attack tactics. You have a swarm, so they’ll attack as a group. We can program them to leap out to attack, work together to pull victims under the sand, poison and stalk . . . they’ll be able to imitate the voices of human beings? That will take a little extra time, but it’s doable. The necessary parts are out of stock unless you want the tech version from our Predator catalog. So they tempt people to come out in to the desert during the hottest part of the day or at night. We might have some burrowing instinct left over from the last Tremors movie. We can miniaturize that type of mouth for them too. Don’t look so surprised. I’ve been at this game longer than you’ve been walking.
I think we have enough to start with. I’ll leave you in the capable hand and hook of . . . Igor? No. Phillip. Why would I call my hunchback assistant Igor?
Legends of Windemere 
Still chuckling with that one! Great post! 😀
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Thanks. I was a little iffy on this one. A lot of stumbles during the writing process.
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Really?? I would have never guessed, it read beautifully.
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Most of the posts are straight from the mind and unedited. Never sure where it’ll go. Might be why they end up being so long too.
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Didn’t feel long. 🙂
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Loved it – reminded me of Marty Feldman’s version of Frankenstein 😀
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I love Young Frankenstein. That was such a great cast and all around fun. 🙂
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That’s the one Charles, it was a classic 😀
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I can’t wait for my son to be old enough for Mel Brooks movies. Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, Men in Tights, History of the World, and so many others.
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After Blazing Saddles, his ‘beans on toast’ will never be the same 😀 😀 😀
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He might stay away from boxes of candy though. 🙂
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😀
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Bring in the bags, Igor.
You bring the blonde, and I’ll take the one in the turban.
love that film. my favourite bit is when they do the ‘Putting on the Ritz’ routine.
Great post, Charles, thanks.
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Classic.
Inga: Werewolf!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Igor: There.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What?
Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?
Igor: I thought you wanted to.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don’t want to.
Igor: [shrugs] Suit yourself. I’m easy.
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Brilliant! I’d forgotten that bit. I’ll have to go and dig it out now, and watch it again.
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Now I wonder if I own it on DVD.
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Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog….. An Author Promotions Enterprise! and commented:
READERS (and authors) pull up a coffin, break open a mug of your favourite poison and enjoy a great read 😀
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Great fun, Charles. Thanks for posting this.
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You’re welcome. Glad you enjoyed it.
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Loved the lab. Can you whip me up something that looks like a Tasmanian Devil only seven feet tall and will stand with me in a crowd and drool? I need it to step on peoples’ feet after they step on mine. Of course, the drool should keep folks at a distance. Might come in handy if we have an Ebola scare.
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The cartoon character or the Australian mammal? I can add some extra salivary glands for more potent drool. Just don’t stand in front or behind it. In fact, buy a slicker in case of splatter.
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I’ll be careful
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Reblogged this on theowlladyblog.
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Reblogged this on Mari Wells and commented:
This is so….. Spooky.ishly great!!
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Loved this. And Young Frankenstein, all Mel Brooks movies. I’m going to have to pull them all out and watch them.
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Good idea. Those movies are great to get you through the week. 🙂
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Yep, and some are great for getting or staying in the Halloween mood. Loved this post. I’m going to think about the monster I want, then I’ll place an order. 😉
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Take advantage of the holiday sales. 😉
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You should write a grant proposal for your research project.
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Good idea. Though I should probably figure out how to get around that ethics board first. Maybe create some kind of hypnotizing chihuahua.
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Might have already been done…
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Dang. Always late to the party.
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Charles! Philip just stuck a ‘Spare Parts’ sticker on me, should I be concerned?
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Not until he gets the hacksaw.
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Reblogged this on Archer's Aim and commented:
It’s all fun & games until… Re-blogged on Archer’s Aim
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