I didn’t get much done this week. If I did then my brain doesn’t remember. We celebrated my mom’s 80th birthday along with Mother’s Day. My son had school and I had work. My allergies were so bad that I had trouble functioning even with medicine. It all turns into a slurry of images because the life event felt rough. I’m going to try to explain without going into details. I can’t in public.
So, I’ve been in a legal situation for a very, very long time. Things are typically quiet, but have blips of activity that requires court, lawyers, and stress. Basically, a person continues hurting me and people I care about, but only on an emotional and mental level. It was usually too mild to get anywhere, but they recently crossed a line that pushed the situation into a more volatile state. Of course, the people I care about are dragged into this and are still getting hurt by acts of pettiness or the usual power struggles. That alone has been stressing me out.
I recently learned that this person has been recording me, which is something I’ve been wondering about for years. They have a history of provoking me since they are aware of my anxiety and how to trigger it. Long ago, this person was openly accused of starting fights with me and that was one of the few times I saw them angry instead of trying to play victim. For a variety of reasons, we can’t be rid of each other too, but they really don’t want to be nice unless they have all the power. Anyway, this revelation shook me up because it made me feel like an idiot as well as being violated. Probably stems from another time I was horribly betrayed by someone.
My plan was to do some work on Coven of the Gray after the legal stuff since I had to take the day off. Yet, I was so shaken that I just went home, changed, and crawled into bed to stare at the ceiling. Just spent hours running through what I could have done differently and doom spiraling into what could go wrong. Didn’t even eat until after I went out for a Pokemon event, which cheered me up. The Pokemon crew are always high energy and joking around, which turned out to be what I needed even I wasn’t talking much. My appetite has been out of whack ever since too. Probably because of the horrible stress.
Other aspects of the life event happened that stressed me out. No way for me to explain those without making the situation abundantly clear. Writing this much is already making me feel uncomfortable since I’m sure people will figure some stuff out. I just feel so trapped that I can’t talk about it. The emotions and pain are locked under my skin like squirming eels. The situation will end eventually, but the amount of damage being done to people I care about is ridiculous. Since it isn’t physical, it doesn’t really matter because you can’t prove emotional and mental damage. My worry is that full healing can’t be done after this is over. Everyone who has been subjected to this mess deserves a chance to recover and be happy again. Maybe even I can do it, but I feel like it will be a long time since I’ve been trying to absorb as much of the stress as I can to protect those who can’t defend themselves.
Nothing else is really going on. Going to get back into cooking for a bit since I’ve figured out the air fryer now. Time to try some recipes like fried raviolis and homemade quesadillas. I have my son for Memorial Day weekend too, so he’s requested 3 of my biggest recipes for that weekend. Restaurant-Style Chicken Lo Mein, Penne with Vodka Sauce, and Sweet & Sour Meatballs . . . Definitely going to have some glorious leftovers to bring into work. I think cooking for a while will cheer my up too. I don’t get to do it often due to my schedule and most of my recipes being time-consuming. Something to look forward too, I guess.
Goals of the week:
- Food shopping for groceries.
- Cooking meals.
- Time with son when he’s with me.
- Pokemon!
- Try to relax and keep anxiety low.
- Work on September blog posts.
- Puzzle time.
- Remember sunscreen and hat for Field Day.
- Delete this post if I get too twitchy.
Legends of Windemere 