7 Tips to Being a Fictional Spy

Loid Forger

I felt like it was only right to do a post on Loid Forger from ‘Spy x Family’.  I already did Yor (assassin) and Anya (telepath).  Loid is the spy whose mission to stop a bad guy requires he pretend to make a fake family.  So, the main plot of story revolves around this guy who is the greatest spy around.  That must mean the character demonstrates a lot of traits that one would want to give their own fictional spy.  Not like this show is a comedy, which requires some exaggeration and character flaws . . . Let’s go.

  1. Caution is great, but overanalyzing mundane situations is even better.  Sure, you should be looking out for danger and risks to your cover.  Those can come from anywhere, including your allies who have no idea you’re a spy in the first place.  If they do anything that you aren’t sure of, you must investigate to the point where you might expose your true identity.  After all, you were raised to be a spy and not a person who understands daily life.
  2. Be really quick with a lie and have proof to support that lie.  If you don’t have time to get proof then keep on lying until only a telepath could figure you out.  Do it with a straight face and steady voice unless you have to appear nervous.  There might be a time where your lie creates another issue, but you’ll just have to lie to get out of that too.  Eventually, things will even out and problems won’t carry on to the next episode of your life.
  3. A spy must be a master of disguise, which involves many skills.  Learn how to change your voice, posture, face, height, weight, and even gender within seconds.  Knowledge about fashion is very important too.  With the proper training, you can look like anybody except children unless you stay on your knees or stand in a trap door situation.  If you’re a male spy, you should figure out how high heels, bras, pantyhose, makeup, and walking around with a different body weight dispersion.
  4. Always have a backup plan no matter how ridiculous it would be to pull one out.  If you must break the laws of physics or reality then do so.  Pretend it is entirely normal and everyone else will go along with it.
  5. Exhaustion is an occupational hazard since you might get side missions along with your main one.  The spy world isn’t filled with employees, so you might have to do double or triple duty at times.  Depend entirely on adrenaline to strike at the most dramatic moment.  You’ll collapse like a marionette with its strings cut right after, but you’ll get the job done.  Pretty sure there aren’t any long-lasting effects on the mind and body from that.
  6. Women will be very important to your job.  Some will be useful in getting information or maintaining cover.  Others will be terrifying when angry, which will hopefully be the ones on your side.  At least one will be your superior in some way and swiftly be tired of your shit.  The rest will be plain confusing to you and make you realize that you don’t understand the opposite sex as much as you thought.  Too late to get a refund on that sketchy ‘Women 101’ course you took in New Jersey as a teenager.
  7. Carry a gun . . . What?  You’d be surprised how often spies forget to bring a weapon with them.
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About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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17 Responses to 7 Tips to Being a Fictional Spy

  1. L. Marie's avatar L. Marie says:

    Very entertaining! 😊 This makes me want to write a spy story.

    It seems like the lives of fictional spies are more exciting than those of real-life spies. I heard court testimony from some FBI agents about their undercover duties, which involved lots and lots of paperwork and mundane meetings with perps. I was supposed to listen to the testimony, but some of it was so boring, I fell asleep in court. So I can see why spy shows and movies try to make the stories more exciting.

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    • Thanks. I had a spy series long ago. Moved it to Windemere, so we’ll see how it goes. Traded high tech for magic tech including a six-shooter. Maybe the real deep cover spies of our world never get to talk about their adventures.

      Liked by 1 person

      • L. Marie's avatar L. Marie says:

        That’s good! Glad you moved it.

        Some spies talk about their adventures under grand-jury testimony. And then you hear the odd story here and there on Wired’s YouTube channel or Ian Fleming. I saw some articles online that discussed his time as a spy.

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      • I think I read that James Bond was partially based on Christopher Lee’s WWII experience.

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  2. L. Marie's avatar L. Marie says:

    It was. And Ian was Christopher Lee’s cousin.

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  3. Terrific, Charles. Yeah, don’t forget the gun.

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  4. noelleg44's avatar noelleg44 says:

    I like women can be important to your job. Of course! – past masters of being sneaky, conniving, fast on their feet. Impossible to ignore!

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  5. noelleg44's avatar noelleg44 says:

    I loved ‘women can be important to your job.’ Of course! Sneaky, conniving, fast with a retort and clever with backup plans!

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    • And then there’s the other 98% of the male and female population who will make a mess of everything. 😀 The part of the funny of #6 is that the character Loid Forger has a long history of seducing women for information and to keep a cover. Yet, he can’t read his fake wife because he’s trying to make them a family instead of either dating or seduction. Yor Forger is also unlike other women because she’s socially awkward, which throws his instincts off even more. She doesn’t do any better.

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  6. The thing about lying… is a bit too real-world right now.

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  7. Good tips. I don’t think I could handle the job. Too much memory involved.

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