Princess Bride
I’m going to start this topic off with a story. This is something that came to mind a lot while writing Do I Need to Use a Dragon? because it touches on confidence.
I think it was around 2003 or 2004 when I signed up for a local author class. It was the first one I attended and was going to help people improve their writing skills. This was right after I finished the first draft of Beginning of a Hero, so I wanted to learn how to improve what I made. I was one of 4 students with the other three being a young woman interested in romance writing and two older women who wanted to start writing books. I had graduated from college with a Writing Arts B.A., so I talked shop and had some confidence. This ended up intimidating the two older women, who ended up leaving the class before the final session. It was stated that they left because they were intimidated by my skills and experience, which made me feel bad. I was trying to share what I knew and thought, which was very little at the time. Yet, I had a finished manuscript under my belt and that seemed to be a source of intimidation.
Tend to think about this a lot, which I hope keeps me humble and careful in the way I talk to other authors. I know I’m not good enough to intimidate others, especially in the indie author world. Heck, I barely have the confidence to call myself an author these days, but I still feel like I have to be careful. The last thing I want is for my presence and attitude to be the thing that stops a person from writing. Really hoping everybody feels that they want to be a welcoming figure for new authors.
Did I ever really figure out how not to intimidate others? Not really. I try to listen more than I talk and get a feel for what the other author is saying. This makes me reactive and less likely to go ranting about my own ideas. At least, I try, but sometimes the conversation slips. That’s the best that I can come up with, but it also leads to me not letting the other person know what I’ve done. This happens a lot at work where people I’ve known for over 4 years still stumble onto the fact that I’ve published books. Probably different when you’re working in a field that isn’t writing, but it means I don’t really out myself as a creative type. Though, this might be more out of shame for not making a career out of writing my books.
Honestly, this is still a really strange event and topic for me. Prior to that class and ever since, I’ve never felt like I was better than anyone. Even during the class, I was routinely made to feel like I didn’t know what I was doing. This was the one where I was told to change Luke Callindor to a different name because Luke Skywalker existed and everyone would think of Star Wars. So, I had my confidence and thoughts routinely rocked during this experience. To think that I intimidated someone while I was starting to question if I had any business writing a story is surreal.
I’m going to open up the floor to others though. Have you ever intimidated another author by accident? What do you think is a good trick to avoiding that kind of situation?
Legends of Windemere 
I did once get heated in a writing workshop, asking another young writer to dig deeper into his story because I thought it had potential. Later I found out he stopped writing. Was it my fault? I’ve always wondered.
LikeLike
While I’m not a mindreader and don’t know that young man, I would say his choosing to quit is not your fault. I told someone the same thing. He thought I insulted his writing and decided to enter a writing contest. The judges were not gentle with his work. Still, he continued to write. Sooner or later in that young man’s life (the one you mentioned), he would have faced a more difficult hurdle. What would he do if an editor took out the proverbial red pen? Quit writing? (I say this as someone who quit writing a number of times.) Feedback has a way of weeding out those who are only curious about writing or only want to do it if the going is easy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a tough one. I’ve found that some authors, especially young ones, can’t go deep or think they have. Others take the comment as being told they should quit, which might be them looking for a reason to give up. You can never tell why a person does what they do. More than likely, your words didn’t cause him to quit. I’d bet anything on people closer to him being the reason.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Charles, there have been many times when I felt intimidated by other authors, particularly those with book contracts and agents. Years ago, I left a writers group because one person was constantly selling manuscripts, while I sold zero. However, intimidation was something I needed to deal with, rather than blame the person who sold the manuscripts! If I refused to do so, I would never reach my goal of getting published. Writing is hard enough as it is! Besides, he was doing what he needed to do—write! I couldn’t just sit there envying him and feeling sorry for myself. I eventually found another group that suited me! I hope you’ll stop blaming yourself that those women were intimidated. I’ll bet they found another class and kept going.
LikeLike
I wonder if every author runs into this issue. We’re all bound to meet those with more experience and published materials at some point.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think so. I felt intimidated by the amount of books you had and your knowledge of fantasy. But I couldn’t let that cause me to quit. I needed to move past that.
LikeLike
I think my knowledge and books created an illusion. I had already spent 16 years working on that without taking the big step.
LikeLike
From an author or creative standpoint, I don’t think I’ve intimidated other people and I don’t try to do so. The closest I’ve ever come to that involved some people questioning why I would challenge certain tropes or stereotypes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Funny thing is that we don’t always know if we intimidated people. Sometimes it’s unintentional, especially when we’re the experienced person meeting someone just starting out.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That could be true and I have seen that happening in that situation. I get the person starting out is going to be nervous (haven’t we all been that person before?), so there could be so much information to be gleaned or possibly bombarded with when it comes to writing fiction.
LikeLike
I don’t believe I ever have. I’m kind of in the Wild West out here and don’t meet a lot of writers. I went to a couple of critique groups, but never seemed to have that happen. I could be oblivious, I suppose.
LikeLike
How is it being in the Wild West? I can never tell if that kind of thing is good or bad.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m a long ways away from most authors I would cross paths with.
LikeLike
This is very relatable as I have a tendency to try and be the smartest person in the room, and I get very uncomfortable if someone else challenges that! It’s a work in progress, but for me personally, it helps to remind myself that I am not in direct competition with everyone around me. Maybe they write in different genres, or they just write for fun and don’t want to get published. That’s always helped me calm down and be less aggressive with my critiques.
LikeLike
That’s always a tough hurdle, especially in writing groups. When I was a teenager, I’d get intimidated by the classmates who did this. Took many years to realize I shouldn’t be affected.
LikeLiked by 1 person