Tears were Shed and Pain was Sustained

This was a really long and tough week.  Without going into any details, a friend passed away early on and that messed with my head a lot.  It was only a few days earlier that I stumbled onto a letter he had sent me years ago and tucked into a book that I then packed away until after the flooring is done.  It’s in a large series of piles of books and DVD’s, so I can’t get to it when I really want to read it.  This put me in a mood for the rest of the week, which means I got snappy at some people.  I’m writing this on Friday and can feel that I’m more drained the normal.  Eyes are drooping and my son is still awake, so I’m not going to last very long here.

Work was very busy too.  I don’t think I had much free time and all of my destressing gear (puzzles, books, etc.) are packed up.  That means, I worked hard, helped son with homework, took him to his appointment/martial arts class, and then crawled back home to crumple on the bed.  This happened every night and I’m surprised I didn’t collapse at school.  There were a few moments on Friday of me feeling like I was about to.  Had a good-bye and good luck party for a friend who is moving on to a bigger and better position too.  As you can guess, I had no time for writing, but maybe next weekend will see some activity.  That will be the start of Winter Break.

What else is going on here?  The big thing is that I’m spending this weekend packing up almost everything else from my room and my son’s room.  The flooring guys show up Thursday and I’ll be on a couch come Wednesday night.  By the end of the weekend, our rooms will only have a box spring, mattress, and dresser in there.  I’m trying to rethink the set up for my room in the hopes of clearing space.  One thing I’m planning on doing is getting rid of my old stationary bike and buy a foldable one, which will be a couple hundred bucks.  Totally worth it since I can store it in a corner instead of having to move around a big one.  With it being wooden floors, I can’t drag things around like before, so a lighter piece of equipment would be very appreciated.

Really wish I had more to talk about.  Finished scheduling posts for April . . . requested books from the library to study for the GRE . . . Finished part of the online class I’m taking on helping kids learn to read . . . I definitely don’t feel like an author or even a writer after this week.  Keep wishing that I could write at night, but I’m far too tired.  I don’t understand how it keeps going this way.  Maybe the stress of having to uproot my stuff and then lose all levels of privacy are taking a toll.  I have 18 chapter sections left of War of Nytefall: Ravenous, which would normally be 6 author days.  I haven’t even tried to tackle the outline for the next volume and I need quiet time for that, which isn’t going to happen until . . . April.  My plan was to write at least 3 books this year, but I didn’t plan on the exhaustion and people taking advantage of me having free time.  Losing my space for this break eliminates 4 days that I could have used.  People don’t get that it isn’t the same if I’m working at the dining room table.  Just no winning here.

I wonder if this is triggering the strange bursts of nostalgia.  I don’t know how to explain it, but it was really bad this week.  I’d hear a song or see a picture that would trigger part of a memory.  It was always being in a car and driving through upstate New York or the more rural areas of Florida.  Maybe some Connecticut in there too.  These were trips that I took with my family as a child and my now ex-wife when I was married.  I enjoyed doing this and loved the scenery.  Many times, these visions make me think of going back to where I went to college, which is upstate New York.  It was a nice trip and there was a sense of joy I got from seeing the mountains, rivers, and forests that we don’t have on Long Island.  It was peaceful.  Now, I feel like they’re painful and I’m left wondering if I’ll ever be able to go on such a trip again.  Also, angry that I can’t do the same with son as easily as it was when I was younger.

A friend said that he read of such things being a precursor to depression, but I recover from the burst of sadness fairly quickly.  Maybe it’s a simple yearning to take a trip even for a weekend.  Just to get away from all the stress of my life and be either on my own or with my son.  Doesn’t help that some people keep telling me that I can’t take such a trip alone because it’s a long drive.  That sense of freedom could be partially caused by feeling trapped in certain aspects of my life.  Why can’t the human mind be clearer when it starts mucking around?

Anyway, goals of the week:

  1. Continue scheduling future posts.
  2. Finish packing up for flooring work.
  3. Autism instruction class one night.
  4. Work on taxes.
  5. Maybe work on War of Nytefall: Ravenous.
  6. Research foldable exercise bikes.
  7. Maybe work on outline for War of Nytefall: Savagery.
  8. Maybe put time aside for finishing the notes for ‘So, You Want To Be a Fantasy Author?’  (Title work?)
  9. Watch more of ‘Wu Assassin’.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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18 Responses to Tears were Shed and Pain was Sustained

  1. I’m sorry you lost a friend, Charles. That certainly plays a big role in how you felt this week. Hopefully, after the floors are finished you’ll feel less disruption. Here’s wishing for a better week.

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    • I’m really hoping that the flooring thing is the last of the major disruptions. It was the room painting during the December break and now this. It’s stressing me out and preventing me from establishing any sense of stability. The thing that scares me is that all of this is happening in the first 2 months of 2020. Not a great start and making me think it’s going to go downhill.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. L. Marie says:

    So sorry about your friend.

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  3. C.E.Robinson says:

    Sorry about your friend, Charles. The disruptions in life are hard to take, kinda throws you off balance. It’s good you don’t stay down too long. Hope you have some peace this weekend. 📚🎶 Christine

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  4. Sorry about your loss.

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  5. I’m sorry for your loss on top of everything else you’ve been dealing with. It sounds like taking a weekend trip would really be worth it for you. Affordability is always an issue, but self-care can’t always be sacrificed for money.

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