Mary’s Magnificent Muse Mart: Trade-Ins Only on Thursday

Greek Muses

Come on in and put on a toga to join in the ambiance.  It isn’t mandatory and you can put it over your clothes.  Judging from the eye twitches, I’d say you’re an artist with either a deadline or more coffee than blood in your body.  We’ll wait on visiting the cafe in case it’s the latter.  Don’t mind our resident doctor checking you as we walk.  Want to make sure we aren’t going to have an issue.  Now, what kind of muse are you looking for?

Yes, it is strange that we can build muses here, especially since artists have always believed that they are chosen by these mystical beings.  That’s how it went in the old days, but anyone can be an artist now thanks to social media.  Now, our muses might not be as great as the natural ones, but can you really risk your future on such whimsical figures?  Best not to tempt fate, which can be altered at my brother’s store.  You don’t really want to know the prices on that unless you’re desperate.  How about we sit down with the Zeus book and put things together?

Start by telling me what kind of artist you are.  Architectural comedy . . . You might have to explain that one to me.  Okay, I get it now.  You design buildings that make people laugh and sell them to amusement parks.  Not to parks?  People pay you a lot of money to live in places that others will laugh at.  The wealthy of this world sure have taken prank presents up a notch.  Well, you’re going to need to see our Thalia package.  We can’t give you an exact clone of her due to a possibility of smiting.  Apparently, making pure doubles of magical beings is frowned upon and we no longer have the licenses to sacrifice goats on the property.  We can come very close, so here’s the information.

Going male is a good idea and it’s up to you how much clothing he wears.  There is no correlation between a muse’s amount of dress and the inspiration they cause.  I assure you there will be no sexual attraction.  Our products are designed to give off an anti-pheromone that will help you focus on your work and not your libido.  That means you need to send them away if you want to spend time with your significant other.  Now, I can have the muse be of any age.  Middle-age is fine and we currently have a sale on blondes due to an overstock issue.  Redhead it will be, but keep the price in mind for later.  Please check off the other boxes.  Scrawny, brown-eyed, tall, good teeth, hairless body, and perfect nose.  I’ll send this to the lab right away while we do the final touches.

There needs to be some magic involved.  How do you want them to communicate with you?  We have whispers, dreams, shadows, stars, clouds, electronics, spirits of the dead, erotic cakes, foggy bathroom mirrors, an assistant named Helvin, and many other possibilities.  The only thing they can’t do is interact directly like you would with another person.  Takes the magic away from the whole thing and makes us wonder why you don’t get some friends to talk to about this.  They want you to be an author instead . . . Can’t tell if they’re giving you good or bad advice.  Now, what will you have?  Oh, we don’t do blood on the walls any more because it attracts ants.  The muse can mess with the paint if you’re willing to clean up the mess.  It will be entirely by picture instead of words.  Just put this symbol on any wall he can use and that will be that.

Thank you for coming and please take these blood pressure pills as you wait for the bill to come.  It’s not that you should be afraid of the bill.  Our doctor simply has some concerns about your health.  Hey, don’t make eye contact with him.  He has a glove on and his muse is always bugging him to use it.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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15 Responses to Mary’s Magnificent Muse Mart: Trade-Ins Only on Thursday

  1. I always enjoy your shop posts and this one was one of your best. There are so many laugh out loud lines in here that it is difficult to pull out a favorite. This one might be it though ” You design buildings that make people laugh and sell them to amusement parks.” The doctor with the latex glove and muse could be a contender as well.


  2. One of your best. I’d like to be communicated with via alphabetic pancakes. A few words per day rather than whole paragraphs. Morning is preferred.


  3. Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
    AUTHORS – To avoid disappointment, call over to Charles’ original blog post now and get your order in FAST 😎


  4. L. Marie says:

    Yay!!!! Always glad to see the shoppe posts. And this one is hilarious and especially timely, since I have been very uninspired lately. The assistant named Helvin is very intriguing! 😀 😁😀 😁


  5. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    Check out this great post from Charles Yallowitz’s blog with the topic: Mary’s Magnificent Muse Mart: Trade-Ins Only on Thursday


  6. They sure had some interesting ideas about which arts were connected. Comedy and geometry? I guess they must have seen me trying to do geometry in high school…


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