What can I really say about this week? I went to work for test proctoring (classes on Monday) and then I got maybe two hours to get to training for my summer job. This was every day except for Friday, which was a doctor appointment. By that point, I was too tired to do anything since the training periods went to about 9 on most nights. Dinner was either really early or late because of the timing. I tried to get extra sleep, but other things reared up whenever I got back. This was just an exhausting week.
And that’s pretty much it. I can’t see anything else to talk about since that was all I did. I kind of finished another puzzle, but the reality is that someone else decided to put in the last 10 or so pieces while I was out. Couldn’t get to anything on TV that’s worth talking about. Wrote one blog post for August, but couldn’t get near my writing. That makes it almost a month since I touched my book, which is wearing on me. I probably shouldn’t, but here’s one thing I really should mention.
People really don’t get why I think it’s a nightmare to have such a big break between writing sessions. Continuity and flow of mood is going to be atrocious unless I sacrifice a day to read over a few chapters. The reason it takes a day is because shit keeps happening here. I tried this once a few months back and it was a glorious failure. Used Saturday to read things and planned on Sunday being a writing day. What happened? I was thrown off by my ex-wife suddenly texting me about things and was thrown off. That’s the problem I face here, which people don’t understand. I’m routinely derailed and it’s reached a point where I wonder what the point is. You can’t start writing a book, especially part of a series, and disappear on it for months. There’s no way to remember every piece of foreshadowing, tone markers, and everything else that helps with a proper flow. Not with the types of books I write.
Many people have also stated that I’ll get back to writing one day . . . I don’t see how this is helpful. I’ve stated many times that I have 100+ books in various states of outlining. If I get back to writing in my 70’s, that gives me maybe 10-20 years to write all of those. At that point, I feel like I shouldn’t even bother doing more than outlining and staying in the shadows. Even if I was just writing the books to have them written, I wouldn’t be able to finish them before I died at that age. So, the possibility of me getting back to writing doesn’t fill me with hope. It brings up the question of ‘will it be too late?’ and another question of ‘what was the point of all of my previous work?’. I can’t even get to my notebooks these days because I’m either busy, dragged away on free days, exhausted beyond belief, and emotionally crippled by another incident.
This week being so busy and next week not looking any better until Saturday really drove this issue home. Only finding one person who seemed to get why I was on the verge of tears about it didn’t really help. Why are artists always told that their time will come or talked to as if they’re overreacting? History is filled with artists who could never find the time to work on what they love or were talked out of even trying. Society really doesn’t like creative people until they’re household names, which means those who aren’t there are treated like they’re wasting their time or simply impatient. For God’s sake, there is a layer of dust on the outline of War of Nytefall: Eradication. I’m not even kidding on that one.
As I said, this week is going to be busy too. I have more tests to proctor and 3 weekdays require that I go off to camp right afterwards. One is setup and the other is when camp starts, but my job doesn’t end until Friday. Got training on Friday night too. Because I have to go rushing between locations, I can’t bring my laptop to work on my book in the library like I did once during midterms. I’d have to leave my laptop in the car with a lot of people around. My hope is that I can get 2 of the 3 remaining chapters done next weekend, but I’m already seeing that some people demand that I be social. All I need is 3 days to finish this book and I can put it aside for the summer then return to edit it once camp is done. Was that really too hard to ask for since I’ve been working for 7 months on a book that I used to finish in 1.5 months?
Yeah, this is more of a rant than goals, but my schedule is fairly set. Can’t talk a lot about the stuff that happened too. Test events are kind of private.
Goals for the week?
- Try to eat better
- Puzzle for some relaxation
- Maybe write next weekend
- Maybe tinker with an outline at school if I have the time
- Never eat rainbow cake again