This is another one of those situations where I jotted down a shorthand note about a blog post and forgot what I meant. ‘Carrying on’ must have sounded good at the time and I swore I’d get to it quickly. I didn’t and now I’m in another awkward moment. Most people would trash it and do something else, but I always continue with the idea. Maybe I’ll get it right. So, what does carrying on mean?
- Loading items onto something.
- Continuing to push forward.
- Activity done by wayward sons.
As you can guess, I’m going to focus on #3 because that feels like where I would go considering my life lately. It’s been rough and I’ve been struggling to move ahead in various aspects of my life. Writing is a big one since I don’t have nearly as much time as I would like. It’s difficult to find a few minutes to focus and my weekends aren’t running that smoothly. Something always comes up, which adds more sadness and frustration to the author side of my personality. I fear there will be a day where the little bit of outlining I get done will no longer be enough. Going to be really crazy once the summer hits too, so we’ll see how much of me will be left.
It’s funny because I spent 10 post-college years only outlining and editing the same 1-3 books. You would think I’d have a way to carry on in that fashion once more. Yet, I learned at the end of that period that you aren’t going to get anywhere if you sit and wait for someone. I tried to control my path with self-publishing and this blog, which gave me more author success in 5 years than I ever had in the previous 19-20. I’m going back to high school there. It’s really hard to put the genie back in the bottle and throw the thing under the bed. Keep thinking that I missed a key element in getting to the next stage, but I know I can’t put all my time into it now. My focus is on my job and my son. Of course, this makes me feel that I squandered my indie author time.
The thing with finding the strength to carry on is that it is both powerful and fragile. It can propel you forward even if it’s a different path. Yet, it can be lost or hampered the instant you look backwards. This can be either by your own actions or somebody simply asking how the old stuff is doing. I think of it like climbing a very high cliff and you’re told to not look down. Just don’t do it even though everyone does. It really isn’t easy to carry on after feeling like you’ve lost so much.
What do you think about carrying on? Any advice on how to do it?