Sal’s Sea Serpent Shop: Not All Products Are Elongated

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Welcome!  Give me a minute to close the tank because the morning shipment is being a little rowdy.  There we go.  So, you’re in the market for a sea monster?  I know it says serpent on the sign, but we do more than that.  I just happen to like alliteration.  Let’s move away from the doors to let the trucks through and we can take a walk through the genetics lab.  Yes, we don’t cobble parts together like those other places.  We design our beasts from scratch and have the proper black market licensing and bribe system to get away with it.  By the way, if you try to take any pictures, we’ll feed you to the Gigan Shark out back.

Now, we do have a few things to keep in mind.  We only do ocean monsters, so don’t ask about rivers, ponds, or lakes.  Those are an entirely different company that my stepsister’s half-cousin owns.  Second, we are not held responsible for any death and destruction your beast commits. We are merely supplying you with an exotic pet that you will sign the documentation and waivers for.  Third, we retain the rights to your sea serpent’s genetic code, but you can get new ones and upgrades for a repeat customer discount.  Fourth, you cannot sue us in the event that your creation eats your family, friends, mundane pets, or yourself.  That’s all on you.

Here we are at the body section, which is what you can start with.  I find this easier because it gives you a general idea of what you can do.  As you can tell, the options are real animals such as sharks, squids, sea turtles, and serpents.  Size and limbs are adjusted for the ocean, which is why you have land animals on the list as well.  You would be surprised how often people want an elephant-based sea monster.  Can we do a small one?  For that, you would want our swarm option, which limits the additions.  The amount you get depends on the size too.  Our giant monsters come in solitary packages while something the size of a piranha can be up to one-hundred.  I believe we can start with a sea otter and keep it the same size.

Gills and lungs are part of the overall package, but it depends on your base.  Fins, which you don’t have to worry about, are the caudal, dorsal, and pectoral fins for free.  Additions will depend on the size.  Crab shells are very popular and you can add barbs around the edge for a small addition.  Considering you are putting it on a mammal, I would recommend more of a turtle shell.  Okay, we can keep it as a crab.  Do you want to do anything with the limbs?  Pincers on the front, clubbed tail, and squid arms in place of the legs.  I think you’re missing some propulsion for your beast.  I guess we can add air jets to the shell and have them controlled by muscle contractions, but it won’t be very fast.  If that’s what you want then that’s what you will get.

All of our sea monsters are designed to survive in total darkness and great depths.  Yours won’t be able to go to the bottom of a trench, but it can go pretty far.  That’s the price of having lungs.  Special abilities?  Contrary to what you think, we can’t have them breathe fire or do anything magical.  Those are all technological additions and we don’t work with that.  We have more natural options like bioluminescence, stun stingers on the arms, and other defenses that you find in nature.  Personally, I’m a fan of the sperm whale sonic blast that can cause some real damage.  Your creatures won’t be big enough to do the full effect as individuals, but a group attack could really wreck some havoc.  I thought you would like that one.

What was that?  Sure, you can put real legs on it and move the squid arms to the sides of the shell.  A venomous barb on the heels . . . Oh, like the platypus.  I’ll have to dust off the book for that one because nobody remembers that one.  Maybe I recommend putting that on the arm hooks too.  I guess that could be overkill, but I had to ask.  That seems to be the general idea and we can go into details after the initial build.  You get three free remakes if it doesn’t suit your need.  There are no refunds though.  It isn’t like we can put your creation back on the shelf and offer it for anything other than food for a successful sea monster.

Before I forget, we do need to know the location you intend to release this.  Big difference between an arctic sea monster and one in the tropics.  Long Island Sound?  Didn’t see that one coming.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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18 Responses to Sal’s Sea Serpent Shop: Not All Products Are Elongated

  1. L. Marie says:

    How nice to know this shop exists! I’ve seen a movie involving a shark large enough to bite through the Golden Gate Bridge. Can you hit me up with one of those?


  2. ha ha ha. I love these shops. I was thinking of some kind of high-speed serpent that could come up behind pirates and drug runners and suck them in without having to pause. I imagine it would have huge teeth, big eyes and provide an ultimate final terror experience for these lowlifes.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
    Introducing another example of Charles’, many and varied, emporia 😃


  4. If the monsters run out of food in the ocean, do they come on land looking for more like the walking fish? I can see some problems with that. 😦 — Suzanne


  5. I must be in the wrong place. I thought this was the zoo, as in see monster, not sea monster.


  6. When I saw your picture, I thought, “Time for your annual teeth-cleaning! What a brave dentist, to make that house call!”


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