Marco’s Musical Mart: Glockenspiels Always On Sale

Welcome and how many glockenspiels would you like?  Not interested in our popular seller?  We get that a lot ever since the Glockenspiel Garage opened up down the road and specialized.  Thankfully, we’re not a niche seller and have plenty of instruments for all your needs.  Want a trumpet that will give your neighbor nightmares? Curse weavers are in aisle 7.  Looking for a bongo that keeps you awake as long as it plays?  College student specials are on the third floor.  So, tell me what you want and I’ll take you to the perfect place.

You’re a One Man Band, huh?  That means you need a package deal, which includes various insurance levels.  I mention that now because this is a very difficult role to succeed in.  You will find many people willing to break at least one of your instruments.  Some times it’s over your head, which is why we have such services.  They range from single instruments to the whole combination.  Now, how many are you looking at?  Four doesn’t sound too bad, but it depends on what you pick.  Come to the catalog wall and look at the pictures.

That’s a bell belt, which jingles whenever you move.  It’s similar to the ankle bells that many of our dancing clients use.  This requires a lot of hip movement, which is difficult if you have something like a drum strapped to your stomach.  Yes, we can move the belts around and it comes in different numbers.  For large cities, I recommend having at least seven and we can tune them to each other with a simple charm.  There are other tricks that you can do like light spells or sparkle showers.  I’m obligated to warn against any additions that emit flames.  You can do this, but we won’t be held liable now that we’ve had this recorded conversation.

Ah, I see you found one of our more unusual percussion instruments.  Those are kettle drum boots.  Every step makes a boom and you control the volume by the force of your step.  A dwarf invented them after getting bored with, as he said, flattened chunks of metal on his soles that are better suited for toothpicks.  I believe it would go nicely with the bells if you enchant them to be heard over the bass.  There are two problems with these that you can see are noted here.  One is that you can’t turn them off.  Once you put them on, the kettle drum boots work until you remove them.  The other issue is that they can be punctured fairly easily, which means you need to clear your performance area of anything sharp.

Now for your main instrument a . . . bagpipes?  It is easier to use with the belt and I guess it could go with the drums.  Doesn’t seem like the easiest thing to dance with, which means you won’t be getting the full range of your other instruments.  We have a nice selection in the basement, including a few that come with free enchantments.  I would highly recommend one that increases your lung capacity and allows you to move around without your music suffering.  Now, you still have one more . . . a nose flute?  I know it’s a simple one and could mix nicely with all of the others.  It’s just that you’ll have bagpipes in your mouth and the flute in your nose, so how are you going to breathe?  We don’t have any magical versions and we’ve found that mucus disrupts some magic.

Oh, you had gills implanted in your neck and they take oxygen out of the air.  You should have said something earlier since I can’t see them.  By the way, isn’t it dangerous to keep them covered by a scarf even if your mouth and nose are clear?  I only ask because you look a little dizzy and maybe you should sit down.  Come right here and we’ll get back to your purchase once you recover.  Since I have your ear, what do you say about buying a glockenspiel just for fun?  Hey, I need to sell at least one a week to keep the name, so you can’t blame me for trying.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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34 Responses to Marco’s Musical Mart: Glockenspiels Always On Sale

  1. L. Marie says:

    Love the kettle drum boots! 😀 Do you have any musical jewelry?

    Like

  2. What a hoot. Thanks, Charles.

    Like

  3. I love these posts. It occurred to me last night how a crossbow might weave right into the curvature of a violin somehow. Don’t exactly know where to use it, but something larger even has a pointy spike on the bottom that could be a projectile.

    Like

  4. Hello… am I really in the right place? I’m looking for a… yup, a glockenspiel! I’d like a large one too, with big teeth and a loud bark… what do you mean it’s an instrument? I thought it was a dog! Now what am I going to do?

    Like

  5. These are among my favorite posts. These and Bedlam, lately 😀

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  6. Glockenspeil is my instrument and I carried it in parades during marching band. You need a strap to support the base, with one hand to supporting it. Your second hand holds the stick.

    What if you had a gauntlet with a small set of keys, to make a mini-glock?

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  7. Pingback: Writing Links 6/26/17 – Where Genres Collide

  8. Pingback: What’s the Purpose of a Bard? | Legends of Windemere

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