Assassins Creed
- Every article of clothing that you own has a hidden weapon. This makes doing laundry very difficult and it is not uncommon for a knife to get stuck in the lint trap. Let’s not even get into the challenge of removing blood from silk.
- You don’t remember the last time your phone rang and it wasn’t a gravel-voiced man with a request or sultry femme fatale. There was that elderly librarian calling about a late fee, but that was for one of your aliases. So it doesn’t count. Especially since you’re pretty sure that persona died in a bus accident.
- You only have two modes: charming and cold. There is nothing in the middle and you switch so easily that you aren’t sure which one is the real you. One time you tried to be friendly and it resulted in 17 deaths, 3 collapsed buildings, and a cruise liner getting launched into the Statue of Liberty.
- Before you took on your current line of work, you were in some kind of special forces where you learned all of your skills. There’s no telling what those skills are until you need them. In fact, you have no idea how you mastered so many things before the your twenty-fifth birthday.
- Every time you get into a car, it turns into a destructive chase. This is why you walk to get your groceries, which still has the occasional gunfight in the produce aisle. For some odd reason, you’re never arrested even though you’re caught on camera. The few times cops get involved, they give up after a lengthy chase and forget you ever existed.
- If you go a week without leaping off a high ledge into water, staring through a sniper scope, or jumping through a window then you don’t know what you’re doing with your life.
- You’ve been to every vacation hot spot, but you have no photos or souvenirs from them. Not even wanted posters because those mean you aren’t good at your job.
Legends of Windemere 
Brilliant.
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Thanks. 🙂
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Hahahahahah love it!
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Thanks. 🙂
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Reblogged this on Jan Hawke INKorporated and commented:
Love this from Charles Yallowitz – but how does he know so much about this trade… >< 😉
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Thanks for the reblog. I’m not allowed to explain my sources. Well I could, but that gets messy . . . dang, paper cuts.
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Ha ha! So true! I laughed out loud–especially at number 6. They’re always jumping off a roof or through a window! I’m going to have to change one of my manuscripts, which has an assassin as one of the main characters. He needs to jump off more ledges! Maybe he needs a few more weapons too.
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They almost like cats. 🙂
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True. They always land on their feet.
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Reblogged this on Kate McClelland.
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Thanks for the reblog. 🙂
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This was a fun list. I could see the character going through is stuff before laundry and still finding loud clanking in the dryer.
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I wonder if washer and dryer combo is tax deductible as an assassin. Dry cleaning probably is.
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Definable dry cleaning
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Even exciting lives get mundane. I believe every word of this.
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That’s when an assassin switches it up and does a temp job for a month or two. Maybe retail to reignite their disdain toward the human race. 😛
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Good idea. I recommend taking an Excel class.
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That’s how you turn an assassin into a crazed serial killer. 🙂
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Reblogged this on Jeanne Owens, author and commented:
Hahaha!
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Thanks for the reblog. 🙂
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You’re welcome 🙂
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I opened a drawer at home and came across a lot of photographs with big red crosses through the faces. I’m not sure if I’m an assassin or I just don’t like my neighbours?
Hugs
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Guess it all depends on where those people are now. Though it can also be explained if you have an angry, passive aggressive teenager around. Remember a few people doing that since they couldn’t figure out how to make voodoo dolls.
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Hilarious, Charles. 😀 — Suzanne
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Thanks. 🙂
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You never wear street clothes. You’re always in armor. Come to think of it, that describes Skyrim, too!
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That seems like a world where you can get away with it. Keep thinking of ‘Hitman’ and how a guy in a suit might stand out in a few places.
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Reblogged this on Louise Findlay Books and commented:
We all have that one (or more) assassin type characters in one of our stories. How do we know how to write them accurately though 😉
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Thanks for the reblog. Glad you enjoyed the post. 🙂
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