Post Revisited: Cinematic Pet Peeves

This post originally went live on October 7th, 2013.

My friend, John W. Howell, is a funny man and made a post today about what not to do when on a movie date.  I got to thinking about my movie pet peeves.  So, upon request, I’m going to make a silly list:

Statler & Waldorf

Statler & Waldorf

  1. The cellphone!  I can handle vibration mode because for all I know the person is really, really lonely.  Who am I to judge?  Just turn the brightness down, buddy.  It’s a strange annoyance, but noticing a glowing fucking light to the side while watching the movie is distracting.  Besides, if you’re going to play Angry Birds instead of watch the movie, have some fucking skill in it.
  2. Kicking of my seat.  Funny thing is that I can take it from kids as long as the parent tries to stop them.  Not parental move then I get annoyed and will glance back with a ‘I will dump popcorn on your spawn’ look.  It’s when a fully grown adult does this that I have no patience.  I could be mature and ask them to stop.  I could also be a jerk and moan erotically with every kick.  Add in a ‘hit me harder, daddy’ and we’ll see how quickly that stops.
  3. Ever go walking to your seat and your foot suddenly feels cold?  You look back a few chairs and find your shoe is stuck to the floor.  People do realize theaters have cup holders now, right?  No reason for a soda to be on the floor.
  4. Whispering questions to your friend during the movie.  It can wait until the ride home or the credits.  If you’re so confused then maybe you should have paid more attention to the movie.  Also, do people assume everyone has seen the movie without them?  I have no idea why something happened on the screen during my first viewing.  If you’re that concerned then read spoilers beforehand.
  5. People that are on another viewing of the movie and talk.  This movie must be great for you to see it again.  Happy you’re a fan.  Not happy that you keep yelling ‘this is going to be great!’ or ‘wait for it!’.  If I could find you in this dark theater, I would beat you with your milk duds.
  6. Bringing a child to a Rated-R movie.  I’m not talking a teenager, but a small child that can’t even get into a PG movie.  It’s really disturbing to be watching a movie with gore and sex in the midst of a screaming toddler.  I’m not sure what parental award you’re going for, but I hope it comes with a lifetime of free therapy.  That 7-year-old had no fucking business seeing Jason butcher a bunch of teenagers.  Although, your plan could be to make sure your child never goes to camp or has sex.  If that is the case then congratulations, you’re still a fuckhead.
  7. “I paid for my ticket, so I can do what I want!”  I love this argument if you ever confront a rude movie goer.  I paid for my ticket too, but you don’t see me acting like a prick.  Yet there is a point here.  I paid for my ticket too, buddy.  That means I can do what I want as well.  So, I’ll give you a 5 minute window to set up an appointment with a skilled proctologist before I solve your cellphone addiction.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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37 Responses to Post Revisited: Cinematic Pet Peeves

  1. L. Marie says:

    Yep. All of those are annoying. I was in a theater where two people had a running conversation, comparing the book to the movie. So annoying! This is why people stop going to theaters and wait for films to come out at Redbox or on blu-ray.

    Like

    • I forgot which Lord of the Rings movie that I saw that in. I do remember there being a group of people at the midnight debut of Fellowship with flashlights and copies of the book. Good point on people not going to theaters because of that. Also high prices. Sad thing is that it leads to people only going out for the mass produced blockbusters. So those get more numerous.

      Liked by 1 person

      • L. Marie says:

        I was in a theater when Fellowship of the Ring, Two Towers, and Return of the King debuted. People brought small children to all three movies. Some were clearly disturbed by the violence and scary images. Yet their parents refused to leave the theater.

        I’m tired of paying 3D prices, only to have some jerk yakking away behind me or texting in front of me.

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      • I did the same, but nobody brought little kids to the showings. Kind of fortunate there because it seemed like it was a high possibility. I never go to 3D because it makes me puke, which might explain why I don’t see as many jerks these days.

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  2. Good post. All of those things annoy me as well. They distract and detract from the movie going experience. Perhaps, that explains why I have been going to the theater less every year.

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  3. Oh, my! What a fine list of miscreants…

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  4. Love this list and not because I’m mentioned upfront. Well maybe. No, seriously this made me laugh as if I had not seen t before. (You were pretty edgy back then you know the f-word and all.)

    Like

  5. twixie13 says:

    Hit the nail on the head, here. What I especially love is when parents bring their kids to an R-rated movie, they sit behind me, and the seat keeps getting kicked by the kid. All the while, said kid keeps loudly asking questions about what’s going on. Just that whole trifecta of RAARGH!

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  6. noelleg44 says:

    Just perfect, Charles. I’m not above asking a parent with a kicking child to move, though. Afternoon showings seem to be the most peaceful time to go to a movie!

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    • I did notice that when we saw a few movies during and after a road trip. I thought it was only because they weren’t freshly released. I’ve become edgy about making polite requests to strangers. Seems too many people are ready to take offense at the slightest criticism.

      Like

  7. merrildsmith says:

    I agree with all of these–and yet you would think they are not things that people should not have to be told not to do. It’s just common sense and basic politeness. Too bad so many people lack both attributes. My husband and I usually see films that aren’t the blockbuster sort, and we often go to early matinees or the late afternoon shows.
    When we saw “Foxcatcher” there was couple who brought young children. I couldn’t understand that at all.

    Like

    • It’s rather baffling how these things happen, especially the cellphones. If I had to pay for a ticket then I’d make sure I paid full attention to the movie. Sorry, but I had to chuckle at the Foxcatcher thing. Totally wrong and confusing.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. sknicholls says:

    We stopped going to the theater for many of the reasons above. Netflix and a glass of wine.

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  9. If my nan happened to be in the cinema, it would probably drive everyone to distraction! She fiddles with anything in her hands; a pen, a knife and fork, a cup, a book or magazine, sweets. So we constantly hear a cacophony of crinkling, tapping, clicking, scrunching, and chiming! But I now have the image of her playing angry birds on her mobile (cell), which is hilarious (better than some of the movies I’ve seen recently.)

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