That’s What They Say?

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Back on March 5th, I asked people to mention stereotypes they’ve heard about authors.  Some of these I’d never heard of. Now I will respond:

“That authors make a lot of money.”- John W. Howell

  • Of course we do.  Every author makes millions upon millions of dollars.  Then we lose the game of monopoly, curse at our loved ones, and go into the basement to cry.

“Authors make virtually nothing at all.” – Chris McMullen

  • Shows want you know!  It’s not virtual nothing.  It’s true, tangible nothing.  This one ends with crying too.

“Coffee… we live on coffee…” – Sue Vincent

  • Not all of us.  Some of us live on soda, pizza, chocolate, vodka, rum, whiskey, beer . . . I’ll be right back.

“That we’re all alcoholics, of course!” – Nicholas Rossis

  • Wow.  One . . . two . . . many famous authors drink like their liver insulted their mother and everyone is branded.  How do we do this when we make no money?  I’ll ponder this over a beer.

“A writer is making everyone they know/meet/love/pisses them off be a character in their books.” – Oloriel Moonshadow

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  • Probably.  To be fair, you knew the risks when you said hello, made eye contact, bought us a drink, or did anything else that brought our attention to you. So you really have only yourself to blame.

“Writers are wasting their time.” – Nina Kaytel

  • And you wonder why you ended up getting killed by being launched out of a window and into a helicopter propeller in my latest book?  Now if you’ll excuse me, I shall leave you to your great hobby of dream shattering.  Great use of your time.

“Writers brains are wired differently otherwise how can they dream up what they write without actually experiencing it. i.e., they’re all nuts.” – The Storyreading Ape

  • I support this stereotype!  After all, we’re all mad here.  By here I mean where I’m sitting now . . . Yes, I’m alone.  What of it?

“Writers are lonely introverts.” – S. K. Nicholls

  • Well with mean people like you out there, do you really blame us?

“Writers publish a book and then sit back and enjoy the glory.” – D.Wallace Peach

  • That was the plan, but then I learned there’s no such thing as advertising gnomes.  So now I have to write my own tweets, promos, blog posts, interview answers, guest blogs, and everything else.  It’s like this is a job or something.

“Authors can’t write unless in an ivory tower, i.e. alone – no people around.” – Henrietta Handy

  • True.  We’d love to do that, but we just can’t get away from you pesky humans.  Not until the machine is complete and we’re still working on getting enough pre-chewed gum.

“Authors are master procrastinators.” – Jack Flacco

  • Bet you thought I’d answer this later.  Well, jokes on you.  I really should do some book writing today . . . but somebody has to stare at this ceiling fan.

“Of course, our hair is disheveled, we haven’t showered in a week, our eyes are red from lack of sleep, we’re wearing dirty, wrinkled clothes… I guess you get the picture.” – Chris McMullen

  • I thought we discussed this webcam spying issue.  Last time I accept a teddy bear from a secret admirer.

“Anti-social, rude when interrupted, stare piercingly a lot, ask deeply personal questions without blinking an eye, and know a lot about disturbing and weird things that would never occur to non-writers to ever consider” – Jo Robinson

  • Wow.  That makes me scared to interact with myself.  Back to the basement, but without the lights on!

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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39 Responses to That’s What They Say?

  1. Sue Vincent says:

    First time I’ve been glad to be streotyped 🙂 Nice one Charles!


  2. This was great. Your responses were priceless. Wait… I got a bear too.!


  3. quiall says:

    hahaha Loved it!


  4. sknicholls says:

    Hahaha! So cruel :p


  5. “A writer is making everyone they know/meet/love/pisses them off be a character in their books.” — Nope. People who annoy me don’t get to be in my stories. Why should I give them even that tiny shot at fame? (I’m not saying my friends — the non-imaginary ones, that is — get written into my stories, either, but I’d consider it, at least as snippets reworked into a composite.)

    “Writers brains are wired differently otherwise how can they dream up what they write without actually experiencing it. i.e., they’re all nuts.” — My brain IS wired differently. I only found out HOW differently (or rather, the term placed on that kind of difference) a few years ago. The thing is, according to a lot of people, I’m not supposed to be ABLE to write due to that difference. (I’m autistic. I’ve been told over and over again that autism means not being able to communicate with words or imagine things/be creative. Few things bring out my sarcasm quite like that kind of nonsense.)

    “Writers are lonely introverts.” — Why assume introverts are lonely? 🙂

    “Anti-social, rude when interrupted, stare piercingly a lot, ask deeply personal questions without blinking an eye, and know a lot about disturbing and weird things that would never occur to non-writers to ever consider” — Wait, are we talking about writers, or that other category of “weirdos” I belong to? 🙂 Introverted is not anti-social. I don’t stare; I don’t even make eye contact most of the time (because I don’t look at people at all, NOT because I’m looking at something I shouldn’t). I admit, I DO know a lot of weird things that non-writers think are, well, weird. I was like this before I became a writer, though.

    Liked by 3 people

    • 1. I agree. Somebody annoys me then immortalizing them in my book seems like the wrong thing to do.

      2. I’ve heard that about autistic people. Though I’ve also heard that they’re extremely artistic, so I’m guessing it’s all about the individual. My 5-year-old son is high functioning autistic and he tells stories all the time. Honestly, why do people think every human being is ‘wired’ the same way in the first place? Kind of goes against the idea that everyone is an individual.

      3. Probably the media. They love that phrase.

      4. Yeah. That one was an odd statement that I’ve seen versions of. Not sure where it came from.

      Liked by 2 people

      • roweeee says:

        Just to add to the debate on the autism here. I live in Australia where we talk about “being on the spectrum” and most of us at least have a few sprinkles, especially under stress. I came across a fabulous novel, The Rosie Project by Australian Graeme Simsion and he’s since written a sequel: “The Rosie Process”. The main character Don has more than a few sprinkles but is not given any “diagnosis” as such in the book. It is a hilarious but sympathetic read and when the author signs the book, he writes “there’s a bit of Don in all of us.” I attended an author dinner with him last year and wrote about it here:
        It is in the process of being made into a movie.
        Best wishes,

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve heard a few people state that everyone has a trait or two of autism. Though around here, it’s mostly said in an attempt to minimize the whole thing and try to push for there not to be special treatment. I actually get nervous when I hear that there’s an autistic character in a movie or show. It usually seems to be extreme or mentioned every 10 minutes. Almost like the character is nothing more than the condition, which feels wrong.

        Liked by 1 person

      • roweeee says:

        I am having trouble replying because as you know this really is a tricky, complex area. What I’ve noticed about those who are borderline is that their awareness is much higher and they could well want to interact with people and have friends but struggle with the details. Therefore, they can experience more sadness, frustration and depression than those who have a clear diagnosis and yet at the same time, receive less funding or support than those further along the spectrum. Our son’s situation has been quite ambiguous, especially as I have serious health issues. which affected his development. Now, that he’s getting older, things have improved a lot, possibly suggesting he wasn’t on the spectrum or has just a few sprinkles.
        Also, I personally thought the Asbergers should have remained a separate diagnosis in the latest DSM manual.
        I think you’ll find the Rosie Books good. The Asbergers community has got behind this novel and there is a twist that only unravels in the second book. I should mention that both books are told entirely from Don’s perspective and that voice never falters. This made me super keen to meet the author because I seriously wondered whether he could pull that off without being Aspie himself. I think at the very least you’ll find it an intriguing read.


      • It’s definitely a complicated area. I mentioned my son who is 5 and in a special education program. Some people in the family are adapting to how he operates while one or two have actually argued the diagnosis. So there’s a lot of personal opinion coming into play here.

        I haven’t seen the DSM manual, but Aspergers had a strange surge. I noticed a lot of people claiming to have it, pushing their kids to have it, and making it the new ADHD. The whole thing left me confused.

        Liked by 1 person

      • roweeee says:

        The Asberger’s one is an interesting one because it is associated with giftedness. I went to a parenting course with a dad who was Aspie and started singing it’s praises and I felt like punching him. Not an idea response, I know, but having a child on the spectrum or anywhere near it has it’s challenges and while I can talk the whole thing up and look on the bright side, I was having a hard time of it.
        Don’t be surprised if some people in the family might share the diagnosis, which may influence their stance.
        Have you heard about Sensory Processing Disorder? This can stand alone but is common with autism spectrum. It relates to how our senses react to stimuli and it can get a bit out of whack so that they’re very sensitive or completely insensitive to touch, taste, smell etc. It is a really interesting thing to explore…particularly as a writer as well as a parent. I am very sensitive to sound but I took up the violin 3 years ago and it has made quite a difference.


      • So far, nobody in the family is diagnosed with it. I think it stems more from some odd shame or a sense that my son is ‘broken’. He’s really just different and keeps us on our toes. I’m still not used to the term ‘Aspie’, but I only heard of it recently. Takes me a few seconds to react to it.

        I’ve heard a little about the disorder. Not sure if my son has anything like that and I don’t think he was tested for it. It’s hard to tell because he enjoys overreacting to get attention. He’s very quick to notice what gets us to respond in certain ways.


  6. You have such a great sense of humor. Thanks for the laugh, Charles. I enjoyed this so much!


  7. I’m glad this wasn’t a matching game. 🙂 Nice to remember these from time to time.


  8. That was fun. I love your replies. I would show this to my non-writing friends, but they won’t get it!


  9. Brilliant replies. The scary part is that I’m working from the basement, so…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. L. Marie says:

    Oh man! I don’t know how I missed that post when you asked for stereotypes! I’ve heard many of those, especially the “writers are wasting their time” and “authors make a lot of money.” During a school visit I talked to some eighth graders who had all read Harry Potter and expected me to have the money that J. K. has.
    As a curriculum writer, I’ve heard people say, “People write that [curriculum]?” I’m not sure where they think it comes from. Chimps, maybe? Perhaps they really mean, “People get paid to write that?” As if curriculum writing should be done for free.


    • I can understand the thoughts from kids since the concept of ‘mid-level’ and ‘struggling’ artist doesn’t really come to their minds. Adults always throw me with the money conclusion.

      I know nothing about curriculum writing beyond the lesson plans I cobbled together as a substitute teacher. Are these the things in the book that teachers work off of?


  11. Reblogged this on Jo Robinson and commented:


  12. Cool Charles! I love your stern video cam comment. 😀


  13. roweeee says:

    I’m not really convinced that writers are a different breed. There is certainly overlap with other creatives. I have found it hard to impossible to connect with other mothers who are only interested in a neat and tidy house and I guess mine shows the symptoms of an over-active imagination. Writing takes an inquiring mind but this is not confined to writers. It can be easy to lock ourselves up in our ivory towers without connecting to the outside world. Believe me, I get tempted but I am naturally extroverted and my love of people fuels my writing. My kids take me on all sorts of adventures and grow and stretch me in ways I’d never considered and takes me out of that ideal isolated, quiet writer’s cave. Perhaps, I would’ve finally finished my “books” without these distractions but I salso believe they’ll add a depth and richness to my writing as well.


    • I’m torn on the different breed thing. Many times I’ve tried to explain myself or an idea I’ve had, but the other person doesn’t get it. At one job, I basically needed a translator between myself and my boss. The issue was that they were very linear and thought inside the box while I didn’t. So there was an immediate jump to ‘Charles is not making sense’ instead of trying to follow my explanations. As far as other artists go, I think each school of art has a unique perspective. An actor will see something differently than a writer and a musician can bring a different view into the conversation. This isn’t too say that the mentality of an author is exclusive to the trade, but I think the focus does influence us enough to give that different breed illusion.

      Liked by 1 person

      • roweeee says:

        Before I started blogging and connecting with other writer’s online, I felt quite alienated, different and misunderstood within some groups of people. Work has been okay lately but I’ve found some social situations difficult as I’m operating on quite a different plane, I guess. Thank goodness for blogging!


      • Definitely. Though I think I still throw off other authors at times. My goals and plans don’t always line up with reality.


  14. I guess I’ll take my coffee and slink off to the basement, so I can be alone now.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Too funny! I am going to go and count all my money 🙂


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