Back on March 5th, I asked people to mention stereotypes they’ve heard about authors. Some of these I’d never heard of. Now I will respond:
“That authors make a lot of money.”- John W. Howell
- Of course we do. Every author makes millions upon millions of dollars. Then we lose the game of monopoly, curse at our loved ones, and go into the basement to cry.
“Authors make virtually nothing at all.” – Chris McMullen
- Shows want you know! It’s not virtual nothing. It’s true, tangible nothing. This one ends with crying too.
“Coffee… we live on coffee…” – Sue Vincent
- Not all of us. Some of us live on soda, pizza, chocolate, vodka, rum, whiskey, beer . . . I’ll be right back.
“That we’re all alcoholics, of course!” – Nicholas Rossis
- Wow. One . . . two . . . many famous authors drink like their liver insulted their mother and everyone is branded. How do we do this when we make no money? I’ll ponder this over a beer.
“A writer is making everyone they know/meet/love/pisses them off be a character in their books.” – Oloriel Moonshadow
- Probably. To be fair, you knew the risks when you said hello, made eye contact, bought us a drink, or did anything else that brought our attention to you. So you really have only yourself to blame.
“Writers are wasting their time.” – Nina Kaytel
- And you wonder why you ended up getting killed by being launched out of a window and into a helicopter propeller in my latest book? Now if you’ll excuse me, I shall leave you to your great hobby of dream shattering. Great use of your time.
“Writers brains are wired differently otherwise how can they dream up what they write without actually experiencing it. i.e., they’re all nuts.” – The Storyreading Ape
- I support this stereotype! After all, we’re all mad here. By here I mean where I’m sitting now . . . Yes, I’m alone. What of it?
“Writers are lonely introverts.” – S. K. Nicholls
- Well with mean people like you out there, do you really blame us?
“Writers publish a book and then sit back and enjoy the glory.” – D.Wallace Peach
- That was the plan, but then I learned there’s no such thing as advertising gnomes. So now I have to write my own tweets, promos, blog posts, interview answers, guest blogs, and everything else. It’s like this is a job or something.
“Authors can’t write unless in an ivory tower, i.e. alone – no people around.” – Henrietta Handy
- True. We’d love to do that, but we just can’t get away from you pesky humans. Not until the machine is complete and we’re still working on getting enough pre-chewed gum.
“Authors are master procrastinators.” – Jack Flacco
- Bet you thought I’d answer this later. Well, jokes on you. I really should do some book writing today . . . but somebody has to stare at this ceiling fan.
“Of course, our hair is disheveled, we haven’t showered in a week, our eyes are red from lack of sleep, we’re wearing dirty, wrinkled clothes… I guess you get the picture.” – Chris McMullen
- I thought we discussed this webcam spying issue. Last time I accept a teddy bear from a secret admirer.
“Anti-social, rude when interrupted, stare piercingly a lot, ask deeply personal questions without blinking an eye, and know a lot about disturbing and weird things that would never occur to non-writers to ever consider” – Jo Robinson
- Wow. That makes me scared to interact with myself. Back to the basement, but without the lights on!