Parn and Deedlit (Lodoss War)
Even though it isn’t very common, it isn’t that hard to make a believable married couple the central focus of a non-romance story. I’m not talking about having their relationship be the focus. That tends to run into the inevitable ‘cheating’ storyline, which is not something I’m going to get into. We all know how that one works anyway. This is to create a stable, believable married couple who are also on an adventure.
- Please try to avoid the stereotype of one being smart and the other being an idiot. I’m starting with this because it’s a pet peeve of mine. Make them equals even if they work differently. A reader would wonder why they stay together if one keeps have to bail the other out and gets nothing in return. Even Homer Simpson has his positive aspects in that he tries to be sweet at times.
- Don’t be afraid to have them fight every now and then. I’m not talking a relationship ending screaming match, but an argument. They are in a stressful situation and things happen. Almost every couple argues or disagrees. At least those that are an equal relationships. If the marriages is established as one spouse being the dominant and the other being a constant submissive in the decision-making then you can skip the fights. I will say that doing that will make the submissive appear weak and you may want to work on building them up.
- Don’t shy away from kisses, hugs, and sweet nothings when the characters are in private. They’re married and while they might not do public displays of affection, you should show that there is some kind of emotional and physical spark. Seriously, even a peck on the cheek or holding hands would work here.
- Give the characters an identity beyond the marriage. We’ve all seen characters whose entire role is being romantically linked to another. They can have individual hobbies, dreams, and thoughts while remaining married. For example, the husband might be into fishing and dreams of own his own boat. Meanwhile, the wife is an expert swordswoman and dreams of running a combat school. Two different interests and goals within the same relationship. Of course, have them support each other.
- Never be afraid to have the married characters be physically separated. Many authors think that all solid married couples are permanently in the newlywed stage where they are attached at the hip . . . or hip-adjacent region. There is no reason they can’t go in different directions to get things done. This can connect to a mutual trust that they will be reunited and the reader sees them as individuals instead of one entity.
Legends of Windemere 
Great points! I have a married couple on opposite sides of a battle (The Husband is trying to stop the crazy-pants wife from world domination…it’s a whole thing). When together he dotes on her (possibly how the whole ‘world domination began) and obviously still loves her deeply, even when apart, but they don’t even touch other than maybe waltzing or linking arms to walk the garden.
Your notations here could easily also apply to dating couples (Please people, STOP MAKING TEEN COUPLES INTO SLUTTY SLUT BAG HOS! AND THAT GOES FOR COLLEGE AND LATE LIFE DATERS TOO!)
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Curious how that married couple works out. Sounds a little one-sided from the description, but you only mention what he’s feeling. Guessing her crazy is an issue.
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Her crazy is a big issue, but as her crazy is due to a misuse of power as directed by a personal dark sorcery tutor (he was just supposed to be a simple magics tutor) I believe that she can be saved. Although I don’t particularly believe that she was totally sane to begin with, she does love her husband in her own (very special) way.
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So she was corrupted by a dark power. Sounds similar to one of the bad guys in Lodoss War. Young woman is possessed by the spirit of a power-hungry sorceress.
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Kind of…she wanted more power and she started letting her position as queen get into her head. The dark sorcerer was her idea., but only to be tutored in benign magics and the history of their world.
She, in turn, winds up possessing a human male while her body is a statue. Poor guy got shoved into a back corner of his own mind and had to watch helplessly as she made him into a frou-frou cupcake dress wearing cross-dresser.
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Interesting. Why did she pick a male instead of a female?
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He was the only one nearby, sorcerers are a dying breed. She wasn’t patient enough to search out a female.
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And she has to figure out how to shave her face without causing blood loss.
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Actually she chose Jason because he was able to awaken her consciousness from its half sleep. Her body, however, stayed in stasis.
And she has hired help to shave her face, she’s a queen.
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I’m feeling a little sorry for Jason all of a sudden.
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You should. Poor kid…I won’t even mention the queen’s pet goat who made a wreck of his coffee shop…oops, I’ve said too much
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Going back to an earlier blog post you made about married characters. The Xanth series by Piers Anthony does have a lot of married characters in it and they all stay together and the story is pretty good 🙂
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Good to know. Thanks. 🙂
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my book deals mostly with the Aristocracy of the Races, so they tend to be married on in unions (bonding for life)… I have tried to give certain qualities to the spouses that the story doesn’t revolve around. I’ve mentioned before that my elves are a balance, and as they bond for life and live a long time they are able to finish each other’s questions… the Dwarven and Human queens have a certain amount of power themselves, especially at the end… Although romance is not the focus of the book, in fact it is hardly mentioned, though there is a touching moment at the end of the book between two characters.
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So marriage and unions in your book are primarily social contracts?
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there is a mix of arranged marriages, marriages for love, for political reasons, I pretty much run the gambit… Dwarven women wear false beards (aka veils) reflections of our society basically to give the book a realistic flavour
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Nice idea with the veils.
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should mention females are strong characters in my book, and the Drow do not marry but use selective breeding with the exception of the High Priestess/Queen, she has the right in Drow society to take a consort… Male Drows are submissive to Female Drows, it is a matriarch society
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Great post! All of your points are spot on. Number 1 is a pet peeve of mine too. If one is supposed to be so “smart” why would he or she marry an idiot???
Patricia Briggs includes married couples in her series (Alpha and Omega; Mercy Thompson). And let us not forget Galadriel and Celeborn. 🙂
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The only reason I can see for a smart/stupid pairing is the lesser one has a special trait. I guess my main issue is that I’m sick of seeing the patient, intelligent wife with idiotic, irredeemable husband. A good example of a working pair is Homer and Marge Simpson. Homer is an idiot, but he tries and has moments where you see why they’re together.
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