Welcome to Ye’s Olde Magic Shoppe! I’m Ye, owner and former sorcerer. So, what can I get you? Why did I quit magic and open a shop? I’m not legally allowed to answer that question. So, what is young wizard like yourself looking for?
We do have a wide selection of spellbooks. Seeing as your female, you’d want the fancy looking ones. This one with the unicorn fighting a basilisk should work. You want a plain one? That’s not possible, ma’am. Those are for male wizards only. I’m not sexist, but that’s how the rules work. Don’t blame me. Take it up with the man upstairs. I warn you that there’s a long line to see him. Most are female warriors wanting to petition for armor that, you know, protects from damage. Either way, it’s beyond my control.
Are you wand-user, staff-user, or hand-user when it comes to casting? Hand, but you want a wand, huh? Well, we have an assorted of one trick wands that you can use if your own magic is lacking. There’s your standard combat wands, a few healers, one that makes things smell like old cheese, some illusion wands that work more than half the time, and the usual odds and ends. I do have an odd set of two wands. You cast them at the same time. One creates a shower of colorful lights that are harmless. The other blinds anyone looking at you. If you use one without the other, you’re cursed to see dancing rainbow goblins for a week. What’s the point of them? Ma’am, if there was a point to every magic item in the world then there would be a lot less of them.
What else are you looking for? Magic weapons for the warrior you’re engaged to? Well, I have a lot of those, so what does he use? Halberds are kind of rare, but I have three in stock. A poisonous one that comes with the recipe for the antidote. One that calls lightning down to the tip. This one keeps getting sent back to me puffing smoke and I don’t know why. The last one is called Bloodgorger, so you know it’s powerful and unique. It devours the blood of its victims and increases the strength of the wielder. A slight case of vampirism will occur, but nothing that an exorcist can’t fix seventy percent of the time. No on the magic weapons? You’re very picky, ma’am. Weapons tend to be cursed.
If the weapons made you nervous then you’d best stay away from the rings too. Sorry about that.
You can wander around and look for other things. There’s a wide variety of unique items. We’ve got boots that cause earthquakes, invisibility armor, a stuffed groundhog that summons snow, a codpiece that probably wouldn’t interest you unless you’re that kind of woman, potions of every kind, and the list just keeps going. Let me know if you need anything. Oh and don’t touch the silver cauldron on the top shelf. It’ll force you to go on a quest to avert the destruction of our world by a swarm of demons. Why do I keep it out in the open? It’s not out in the open. It’s at least 6 feet off the ground on a shelf. Are you even from this world?