Terry-  So, you’ve been across the street from here all this time and you never ate here?

Gil-  It never crossed my mind and now I have company.  Thought it was only an organic burger joint.

Terry-  It’s the burger joint from fucking heaven.  Look at the meat list.

Gil-  Chicken, turkey, veggie, and beef, I assume.

Terry-  Stop reading the beer menu and look at the meat.

Gil-  Did you really have to say that out loud?

Terry-  Yes.  Look at it.

Gil-  Fine . . . what the . . . wild boar?  Elk?  Ostrich?

Terry-  You forgot the lamb.

Gil-  Fuck the lamb.  I want wild boar.

Terry-  I’ve been wanting to try ostrich for years.

Waitress-  Can I help you?

Gil- We’re still deciding on the type of meat.

Waitress-  Well, the list goes onto the back.

*turn over the lists*

Terry-  Can we have a few minutes?

Waitress-  Of course.  *walks away*

Gil- How the fuck did they get elephant meat?  Is that even legal?

Terry-  It’s organic, so I assume it died of natural causes.  Is there enough meat on a cobra to make a decent burger?

Gil-  Maybe a slider or two.  Wait.  We can get sliders and try more than one type.  I can make an African platter with the zebra, giraffe, and . . . I’m torn between gnu and gazelle.

Terry- Gazelle.  You see those get eaten more on animal shows, so they must be tastier.

Gil- Good point.  What about you?

Terry-  I’m thinking of going predator.  Feel like the top of the food chain.  Grizzly bear, dingo, and anaconda.

Gil-  I wouldn’t go that route on your stomach.  Predator meet can be tough.  Remember when you ate alligator and you were sick for a week?

Terry-  True.  Maybe buy American?  Alaska moose, California sea lion, and prairie dog.

Gil-  Good move.  What’s the pricing on those?

Terry-  It’s . . . think they take kidneys?  We each have two.

Waitress-  Are you ready to order?

Gil-  I’ll have the wild boar with lettuce, pickles, habanero mayo, and bacon.  Medium cooked.

Terry-  I’ll have the ostrich with pickles, tomato, spicy mayo, and bacon.  Medium cooked.

Waitress-  You two know how to make burgers.  Simple is the best way to go.

Gil & Terry-  Thanks.

*waitress walks away*

Waitress whispering to the cook-  It’s always fun to listen to customers go over the joke menu.  They never see the words ‘not a real menu’ at the bottom.  I love this job.

(In honor of me trying an ostrich burger for the first time yesterday.  Thanks, Greg.)