Forest of No More

It sits to the south

Home to a thick constant mist

Weaving through the trees

All who step inside

Must stay on the winding path

That can slip away

Mist licks at the edge

Hungering for a lost mind

Coiling like a snake

When a man steps wrong

His memories are no more

Absorbed by the mist

Where do these thoughts go?

When borrowed for briefest time

Returned when one leaves

Several heroes

Have sought to cure the forest

Each one has returned

Their minds hold no keys

No knowledge of their journey

Or how they escaped

Mysterious woods

That few care to wander through

None will ever find

The woman sleeping on stone

Her misty mind seeking help

This is the haiku sequence.Β  Let me know how it flows and if it works.Β  I wasn’t sure about how many stanzas to use.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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12 Responses to Forest of No More

  1. Nice work. The flow does feel a little stop/start at times but that doesn’t mean that the structure doesn’t work… definitely worth persevering with.

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    • Thanks. It’s a set of haikus, which are typically small, 3 line poems. I couldn’t find a way to make a perfect flow from one stanza to the next. I tried rhyming the last line of one to the first line of the next stanza, but combining that with a syllable limit made that maddening.

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  2. Love this Charles! It reads like a mini novel! πŸ™‚

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  3. This is great my friend… never seen one quite like that… would love to see more of this! πŸ˜‰

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    • Thanks. I made up the style and call in Haiku Sequence. It’s basically a set of haikus ending on whatever a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable pattern would be. I was calling it a super haiku, but I think it has a real name.

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  4. I thought that the flow worked and conveyed the message quite well. I enjoyed it. πŸ™‚

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  5. ioniamartin says:

    This may actually be an agreeable way of doing flash fiction πŸ™‚

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  6. Like this alot, the rhythm has a kind of musical quality to it…this might sound odd, but almost jazz like. Anyway, it’s a great poem and an intresting structure! πŸ™‚

    Like

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