Princess Bride

Torturer– “I’ll get you to talk.”

Prisoner– “Never!”

T- “Your lips will flap when I start using these.”

P- “Don’t make me . . . They meeting at the docks tomorrow night at 9.”

T- “You won’t be laughing for long. Wait, did you just give me what I wanted?”

P- “Yes.”

T- “Talk about ruining my fun. Why?”

P- “Your tools look really like they could really hurt. That one doesn’t look clean and I don’t want an infection.”

T- “I dip them in the antibacterial liquid right before usage. I’m not a monster.”

P- “Oh, I thought that was an acid.”

T- “Never work with the stuff.  Makes too much of a mess and I hate the smell. Big risk of spilling it on myself.”

P- “That makes sense.”

T- “Soooo . . . I get paid by the hour, so I need to do something.”

P- “But I have nothing else to tell you.”

T- “There has to be something. Any weaknesses of your allies?”

P- “Nothing to speak of.  We could just hang out. I think there’s a boardgame in the cabinet over there.”

T- “It’s Monopoly, which I only use when I need to turn prisoners against each other.”

P- “I always wondered if that game was a torture device. Are they watching?”

T- “No. I need you to look exhausted and pained. Maybe I can give you a cut on the top of the foot and you can smear the blood on other parts.”

P- “Sure since you clean your tools.  What’s the feather for?”

T- “I need you to make some loud noises, so I’m just going to tickle you before making a cut.

P- “Please don’t.  Here’s another secret.  I have a fear of bald cupcakes.”

T- “You mean muffins?”

P- “Is that what they’re called?”

T- “Now I’m not sure who is being tortured.”