Panic attacks were the theme of the week.  All happening around 3 am and preventing me from getting back to bed before work.  I could have used Zzzquil to help, but I’m trying to not go back on that after using it for 22 months.  This meant a lot of exhaustion during a week where I needed energy.

That isn’t to say I didn’t accomplish anything.  Darwin & the Demon Game hand edits are almost ready to be typed in.  Got 7 pages to go, which I could have finished if Sunday went smoothly.  Around the time I finished making my lunch, I got a call that forced me to abandon my food and editing.  So, I managed to finish the final battle chapter, but the closure one couldn’t be completed.  Tried a few times during the week with only a single page getting edited.  Might have time tonight to complete it though, so we’ll see if I can start printing Darwin & the Beast Collector.

The rest of the week was rough because it was really rainy, which set off my sinuses and made me tired.  This meant the 4 appointments for my son, 1 appointment for me, my son’s winter concert, and a field trip took a massive toll on me.  Managed to get out early on Monday, Thursday, and Friday to try mall walking before work.  It wasn’t bad for 30 minutes or so.  Helped me get the daily Pokemon Go stuff done and have a quiet period at the start of my day.  As quiet as it can be when you’re in a relatively empty mall with Christmas music still playing.

Can’t say anything else really amazing happened.  Didn’t even get to finish watching all of ‘Arcane’, which I might do this weekend when my son is asleep.  This is making me realize that I never picked a series to watch during New Years Eve since I’m on my own.  Only reason I’m going to make sure I make it to midnight is that I might get a call from my son afterwards.  As for the show, I’m leaning towards another anime, but I’m finding that I have no urge to watch anything.  For that matter, I don’t have an interest in doing anything either.  Just worn out and mentally shot, which will change after 6 days of resting and 6 days of having my son.  I’ll probably have finished watching ‘Penguin’ by New Years Eve too, so that’s out.

I did finish all of my holiday and December birthday shopping.  Now it hurts whenever I buy food or gas since I know my accounts took a hit before they could recover from the car repairs and new laptop.  Bought a bunch of cheap lunches that I can heat up during the break to avoid hitting up fast food every day.  This will allow for more editing and Pokemon time too.  Keep thinking something else is going to come up during the 6 days I don’t have my son.  Probably not important or just minor things.

Next week is the last week of school before the break.  I already know I’m entering it fairly battered.  Really hope the panic attacks stop because I don’t want to take a day off at the finish line.  Came close this week, but a few work situations made me suck it up and not make things worse.  Got a sleep doctor appointment this week, which could help with the situation.  Still, I’m going to keep an eye on how I’m feeling and not push myself to the point of collapsing as soon as break starts.  Lots of edits to type in, Pokemon to catch, and . . . Whatever else happens.

Think I’ll take some time to look at the ‘end of year’ posts I made and see if I have to add anything.  2024 is continuing the body blows and haymakers, so I don’t know if I should bother adding to the ‘this sucked’ list.  Really just dragging myself into 2025 and praying it doesn’t decide to be a darker sequel.  There are ways things can be worse and I know of a few events next year that are going to prove challenging.  Maybe the 2020’s are just a nightmare in general.

So, what are the goals of the week?

1. Finish editing Darwin & the Demon Game.
2. Spend time with son when he isn’t studying.
3. Make ice cream bread for work.
4. Complete more February blog posts.
5. Finish watching ‘Arcane’ and start in on ‘Penguin’.
6. Pokemon Go for exercise.  Stationary bike if I can’t do much of it.
7. Make it to next weekend.
8. Wrestle with imposter syndrome.