Next 3 weeks are only 4 days of work/school each. Think I genuinely need it because this one was full on crazy. Everyone was off and I ended most days . . . Look, I know I fell asleep because I woke up in my pajamas with my CPAP mask on. How I got there and when isn’t important at this point.
As far as progress goes, I got all of the December posts done and began added stuff to January. This is easy since it’s a bunch of old posts that did well over the years. I want to do this and start 2025 off with more editing time. Darwin & the Demon Game saw a little progress this week, but only part of a chapter. Almost got more done, but evening appointments took longer and exhausted me quicker than expected. Seems I know a lot of people who suddenly become active after 7:30 PM too, so my phone blew up a few times with things I couldn’t ignore without being rude. At least I have this weekend to get through 1-2 chapters.
My slow progress on editing has me thinking about my own mind too. When I edit, I’m really taking my time and absorbing all of the words to make sure I like how they fit together. I go back for information too. So, it takes me about 1.5 hours to get through 5 pages, especially since I take mental breaks. Brain fog and fatigue is still an issue, which might be a life-long thing. This results in me needing a full day to get an entire 16-18 page chapter done. I’m sunk if I have any appointments or events that suck up most of a morning or afternoon. That’s been the biggest issue this year because it seems my non-parenting weekends are seen as fair game for others. Some I don’t mind, but others need to learn boundaries or accept that I don’t mind be left behind. Alone time helps me recoup my energy and sanity.
This bombardment has also resulted in me getting my sense of progress and victory from a different source:
Pokemon Go
Sure, I’m 44, but this game has probably saved my sanity and sense of self-worth. It’s become a small flicker of relaxing, success, goals, and father/son time during what really is the worst year of my life. So, I try to go out after editing in the morning and catch a bunch before grabbing lunch. I edit again for a bit and go out to catch before dinner. This weekend might be a little more Pokemon than editing because I have an appointment this morning AND there’s an event. I basically have until 10 am on Monday to catch 574 ghost types and 875 dark types. They’re out for Halloween and they aren’t that common outside of the second half of October. If I hit these numbers, I’ll get the platinum medals, which will help me catch stronger Pokemon and level up later.
All of that probably went over people’s head because it’s game stuff. I’m sure at least one person is considering unfollowing me since I’m sounding like I’m giving up writing to play a ‘silly game’. The reality is that I’ve been so battered by things this year that I can only write and edit in blips. My creativity shifts mostly to anxiety spiraling about how things are still not going well and how it can get worse. All of the positive energy in the world can’t help when one is trapped in a messy situation that is eroding their sense of self-worth and confidence. Editing was supposed to help here and it was until certain changes happened and things got worse. Now, I can only edit every other weekend or days off when I don’t have my son. Not going to sacrifice what little one-on-one time I get with him to work on my own stuff, so I’m limited.
Next week is Halloween, so it’s going to be primarily getting to Thursday. I might get a little editing in on Thursday night after my son goes with his mom. Don’t have any thoughts on what I can watch that is Halloween-related. I’m not a horror movie fan and will only have maybe 3 hours since I have to wake up early on Friday. Eh, I’ll figure something out since it’s more important to rest and edit. Maybe I’ll get lucky and finish 3 chapters by next weekend.
Goals of the week:
- Catch tons of ghost and dark type Pokemon.
- Spend time with son after weekend.
- Take son trick-or-treating on Halloween.
- Edit some of Darwin & the Demon Game
- Work on more January posts during the parenting days.
- Puzzle time if too stressed.
- Test out thermal gloves with phone screen friendly fingertips.
- Think I want pizza for lunch today.
Legends of Windemere 
I can relate to alone time being a good time to recharge. I have to get used to my new work schedule where I have longer hours. Pokemon Go is something you do mention on here frequently, but I didn’t realize it was that much of an escape for you. I’m getting back into the swing of blogging with my main page and my film reviews, but my escape has been getting fluent in Swahili and Japanese. It was good using a little bit of the former in a post last year and also finding a Discord group for people learning that language.
I’m not some guy who’s going to be fake/toxic positive, so I’m not going to give you empty platitudes and can relate to moments of crippling anxiety or depression at times as a response to things that happened to me. Hopefully things can be more manageable with whatever is going on.
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Pokemon Go gets me out of the house, which I rarely get to myself. So, it’s a mental and physical escape. The sacrifice is getting stuff done around the house, but stressors here hinder that anyway.
The work schedule is getting tougher because the cold weather kills off my chance to get fresh air in the morning. Getting out an hour or so before it goes dark means the park closes by the time I’m free to relax. Add in a flood of appointments that I’m not the one typically making and I’m getting worn down fast. My guess is that things will improve, but not for a few years. Not sure what state I’ll be in after years of survival mode.
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Gotcha. I understand if you need to have an escape. Same here about getting stuff done in general as well as other things that stress me out.
Good point about the colder weather coming and with the sun setting earlier. At least you’re being realistic with everything.
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It’s more hopeful than realistic. Things could just stay as they are depending on personal and world changes. I’ve had the floor ripped out from under me so often that I fully expect it to happen again.
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Fair enough. I know the feeling about having the floor ripped out from my feet where I get too cautious even with the things I say. That might feel weird given the opinions and facts I’ve mentioned online.
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Online tends to create a small shield that doesn’t exist in person. I think all people are a little more open with talking if we’re not physically there. Just an opinion though.
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I hear that and I get what you mean. I feel I can be more open about expressing things online than offline with some of the things I talk about. Being bullied into silence certainly did that.
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I hope you got the pizza. Here’s also hoping your score maximums on the game (yes it is over my head but I can still hope you do well)
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I did not get the pizza. Tire blew and I got stuck at home most of the day. I’ll translate the maximums to whatever the game equivalent is.
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😁
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So sorry life is still being difficult – it’s frustrating being pulled in so many different directions. Hope there’s light at the end of the tunnel soon.
Love that song btw, it’s one of my favourites. And the video – the way the other two are looking at Keith Flint like ‘Who is this nutter?’ 😄
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No light yet. Just a long dark tunnel for a while. Kind of done deluding myself into thinking I can wrest control and change things.
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Yes, sometimes it’s easier to do just that.
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Authors play games. I do it too. Sometimes it eats up time I could be using elsewhere. If you enjoy it, don’t let it get you down. I am not going to write today and will dedicate a bunch of my time to gaming. Go “catch ‘em all.” (I think that was their old slogan.)
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That’s the phrase. I’m trying to let it help me relax. The nocturnal panic attacks make it hard to focus on writing too. So the game becomes all I can do some days to garner any positive progress.
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I feel that way about Animal Crossing. It’s my way to chill out, create things (or at least, decorate my house and island) and check in with my cute animal neighbors.
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Never got into that game. Heard good things though.
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Charles, editing takes forever when you work full time and have a son. Cut yourself a break! After school, I can barely get an hour of editing done, if I’m lucky. Everyone needs that place of sanity to go. Everyone. Yours is Pokemon Go. I hope you hold your head up high. I’m fist bumping you.
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It’s more than that though. The whole year has been a ridiculous slog. The weekends I don’t have my son should be productive. Instead, I’m either tired to the point of being sick or other people end up making plans for me. If I refuse, I get shit that stresses me out. So, my mental health ends up requiring I go even if I’m already beyond my limits. Some are even starting to interject their plans into my Pokemon Go time, which is even more limited now that the cold and darkness are moving in for 5-6 months.
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I get it, Charles. Thank goodness for Pokemon Go. If only other people were more understanding…
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