Norman Osborn

Welcome, dearie.  I’ve got the best vitamins outside of the industry.  Betting you saw the posters, which means you’re special.  One would even say chosen to come here and choose from my wares.  Why is my voice raspy?  I have a cold, which nothing on this planet can stop.  Damn things are still angry humans overthrew them back before time began, so this is their revenge.  Anyway, take a look around.  We don’t have those benign types like C and E.  Our vitamins cover the rest of the alphabet.  Enjoy.

• Vitamin F– Used to strengthen follicles of the leg hair.  Helps keep your lower limbs warm during the winter.
• Vitamin G– Cleanses the gallbladder.  Take on days you have nothing else to do due to it being a full cleanse.
• Vitamin H– Helps the person writing this post to STOP hitting Ctrl-H while trying to write this line.  It’s the SHIFT key!
• Vitamin I– Increases energy, mental focus, confidence, and induces sleep.  All effects wear off after waking up.
• Vitamin J– Clears mental fog and sinuses.  Extremely spicy.
• Vitamin L– Improves lung function and helps fight upper respiratory diseases.  Take with full meal and 50 gulps of clean air.
• Vitamin M– It’s just a capsule filled with cooked meat.  Our most popular seller.
• Vitamin N– Aides in repair of nervous system.  Can cause a constant tickling along skin and within skull.
• Vitamin O– *only available for customers above a certain age*
• Vitamin Q– Helps reverse degeneration of eyes.  Taken in combination of pill and eyedrop form.  Do not mix up delivery instructions of both components.
• Vitamin R– Hardens bones and repairs small fractures.  Must be taken hourly to get full affect.  Can cause temporary joint and groin pain.
• Vitamin S– Increases function of the spleen.  Customers buy this without knowing what the spleen does.  Can cause slight red-tint to appear in skin.
• Vitamin T– Helps reduce anxiety and depression.  It will increase the desire to dance like nobody is watching while everyone is watching.
• Vitamin U– Take only if you have trouble waking up from sleep.  If taken before falling asleep, it will result in what we call ‘rambunctious urination’.
• Vitamin V– Improves blood circulation and reduces cholesterol.  Increase chance of nose bleeds and possible triggering of an allergy to tacos.
• Vitamin W– Helps improve confidence and reduce stress.  Comes in a large, corked bottle.
• Vitamin X– We have no idea.  Nobody who has bought this has come back for more, but we haven’t found any obituaries or missing persons reports on them.  So, we’re fairly certain its non-lethal.
• Vitamin Y– Increases the desire to read the Legends of Windemere series.  Does not mean you will like it . . . Author saw the opportunity and went for it.
• Vitamin Z– Helps with adrenaline regulation.  Also grants a lustrous shine to random parts of the body.  Effect lasts an hour after ingestion.