Matilda’s Magical Millinery

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Welcome to our magical millinery!  We have every type of hat you can imagine.  If it isn’t in stock, we’ll get it to you in a few business days.  Depends on how tired the crafting kobolds are in the back.  Now, here is a partial list made up of our most common requests and what they do.  Also, please stay in designated areas.  Some of our products can get a little nippy around this time of day.

  • Beanie–  Grants a 360 degree view of the world.  Your mind is subconsciously aware of it, which means it acts as a danger sense.  It can also tell you when someone you recognize is nearby.  May cause motion sickness in crowds.
  • Fedora– Wearers can travel through the dreams of others.  Downside is that you will turn these dreams into nightmares and have the urge to kill.
  • Pillbox–  Possesses a dimensional pocket for item storage.  A quarter of the stored objects’ weight is added to the hat.
  • Sun Hat– Aside from its natural shading ability, the wearer’s skin is kept at a comfortable temperature.  Taking the hat off in the heat will result in a shock to your system.
  • Top Hat– Power to communicate with rabbits and doves.  Downside is that they rarely have anything interesting to say beyond food, mating, and perfecting their plan to overthrow the human race.  (It’s been years and they haven’t gotten very far, so don’t worry.)
  • Bowler– Can be thrown like a boomerang to attack things or, if tape is added, bring small objects back.  No promise on your ability to catch the hat upon its return.
  • Beret– Able to summon raspberries in berry or jam form.  No downsides.
  • Baseball Cap– Grants the ability to precisely hit balls with sticks and catch balls that have been struck.  Does not guarantee an interest in actually playing or watching baseball.
  • Fez– The tassel can spin and allow the wearer to fly for short distances.  Will not stay attached to head, so you have to hold it in place.
  • Pith Helmet– Wearer gains enhanced senses, but they only work while in the wilderness.  Jungle-like heat and humidity will be constantly felt.
  • Wizard Hat–  No powers, but people demand that we have it in stock.  Maybe it helps you roll better during Dungeons & Dragons games.  We don’t really know.
  • Tricorne– Each corner is capable of firing a laser with varying intensity.  One is like a laser sight, another is for heating things up, and the third will disintegrate whatever it touches.  No way to know which is which until you test and mark accordingly.
  • Stetson– Natural horse riding ability.  Your legs will remain bowed until you spend 30 minutes without the hat.
  • Sombrero– While not bestowing powers, it can be enlarged for the wearer to hide inside when threatened.  This hat is heavily armored and can even hold off a nuclear explosion.
  • Dunce Cap– Only ordered by teachers who have stopped giving a shit.  Power is given to the person who gives the hat.  That power is increased apathy.
  • Mitre–  Grants the wearer high charisma and low level telepathy.  Downside is person will eventually believe they are speaking with God.  Unnerved by how popular this hat is.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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19 Responses to Matilda’s Magical Millinery

  1. noelleg44 says:

    Add Fascinator, you know, those flimsy, mesh things British women wear on their heads to weddings and such. Worn by women looking for a man, instantly draws a man to them, but is non-discriminating.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That like a veil? Didn’t see it on the hat list. Odd name.

      Like

      • noelleg44 says:

        Very common in the UK. “A fascinator is a formal headpiece, a style of millinery. Since the 1990s, the term has referred to a type of formal headwear worn as an alternative to the hat; it is usually a large decorative design attached to a band or clip. In contrast to a hat, its function is purely ornamental: it covers very little of the head, and offers little or no protection from the weather. ” Check out pictures of the Duchess of Wales – she wears them well!

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      • Being ornamental, I can see why it wasn’t on the hat list. Now I know what it is.

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      • noelleg44 says:

        Just think, the next time you see Princess Kate wearing one, you can astonish your friends by saying, “What a lovely fascinator!” They’ll probably thing you are talking about her!

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      • They’ll probably wonder why I’m watching UK royal stuff instead of anime and action shows. Might get committed.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. L. Marie says:

    I used to see a bowler hat being thrown around in an old British TV show called The Avengers so of course I want at least one of these. The Stetson is hilarious (and seems very accurate).😅😅

    Like

  3. Loved the Stetson. I can imagine the bowed legs now.

    Like

  4. L. Marie says:

    So this is the post that accidentally got posted the last time?

    Like

  5. V.M.Sang says:

    With the state of the world at the moment, I think the sombrero would be a useful buy! As someone who doesn’t like it too hot, I fancy the sunhat.
    Why did autocorrect change fancy to France?

    Like

  6. That sombrero would be great for adventurers. Can I fit my horse inside during the night?

    Like

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