Welcome! Welcome! You look like you could use some protection from your enemies. All of our armors are kind of enchanted. Each one has a specific spell, but we promise that each one is guaranteed to work. There are no switches, so think carefully. If it helps, we’ve made each one tough enough to be the optimal level of defense for its category. Now, let’s take a look through the hall. Just ignore the suits that move. Those are our floor models, which will fight from time to time. All part of our demonstration. Please read the descriptions carefully.
- Padded Armor– Soft to the touch and grants the wearer intangibility. Spell can only last a total of 15 minutes per day. Timer not included.
- Leather Armor– Comes in a variety of colors and good for flexibility. Enchanted with wall climbing and unbreakable balance. Makes it impossible to fall off anything even on purpose.
- Hide Armor– A collection of animal pelts, which you choose. Transform into any of the animals you have in your armor. There is a pungent odor that you can’t get rid of even after taking the armor off. Deodorant coupons are included.
- Chain Shirt– Not a full suit of chainmail, but it protects the torso. It also has the ability to attract metal objects . . . Nobody really buys this one for obvious reasons. We only sell it because the enchanter is my brother-in-law and he’s big into curses if he doesn’t get his way.
- Chainmail– Metal links designed to create a full-body suit. Able to be unraveled and controlled as if a swarm of chains stemming from the arms. Doing this means your body will not be protected. Might be some pinching when armor goes back to its dormant form.
- Shell Armor– Not one of our best sellers due to its look, but it is very durable. The shells grant swimming abilities as well as underwater breathing. You will grow a blowhole while using this magic.
- Scale Armor– Overlapping plates of metal that are similar to reptile scales. It grants you dragon abilities. Specifically, the Komodo dragon’s toxic bite and a really bad drooling problem.
- Lamellar Armor– Plates that are laced together to make horizontal rows. Enchanted to allow the wearer to curl into a ball like an armadillo. Overuse can result in an aching back the likes of which you could not possibly imagine.
- Laminar Armor– Similar to the Lamellar, it’s horizontal plates that overlap instead of being laced together. This gives you the ability to launch yourself forward like a human missile. Best when combined with our metal helmets. We include a neck brace that should be worn at all times.
- Plated Mail– These shirts are chainmail with metal plates attached. When struck, the plates emit an elemental attack of your choice. There is kickback, so expected to go flying a bit.
- Brigandine Armor– A clothe suit with armor plating on the inside and studs on the outside. It bestows extra strength and stamina to the wearer. You will fell the fatigue catch up to you once you take it off. The longer it’s used, the larger the exhaustion build up.
- Full Plate Armor– The one everyone thinks about when they imagine a knight. You can get it in any design that you want. Wearers of this suit gain the ability to grow to the size of a five-story building or shrink to the size of a mouse. You can only do one of those, so think carefully.
- Helmets– All of our helmets are designed to give the wearer a sonar sense. This counters the loss of peripheral vision. It works off an enhanced sense of hearing, so you may have trouble with loud noises. You can also hear any conversations going on, including private ones.
These shops are entertaining as always! Had to laugh, especially at the leather and hide armor. 😃 😄 But this list is also a great resource for the names of different types of armor.
Took a while to piece together. Glad you liked it.
This is a fun idea, to combine armor with special spell abilities!
It’s been a fun variation of my old shop skits. Ran out of ideas there.
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A fun visit to the armor shop, Charles. Very creative.
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Most amusing post.
I think I’ll pass on the armour, though, as I don’t really fancy any of the side effects. However, I will take one of your helmets. They sound most useful!
Sadly, there’s always a downside. The helmets come with a shampoo to handle the dandruff. Enjoy. 😁
Dang. I was looking for some exotic leather armor. Lots of parties in my kingdom and I have to look good.
Leather armor definitely helps with those kinds of parties.
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