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Welcome to the magical butcher shop.  Take a number and look around to see what you would like.  As you can see, we’re crowded, but move quickly.  Every product has a clear explanation of its effects and a disclaimer.  Also, make sure to cook all meat thoroughly to avoid food poisoning.

• Ground Beef– Able to fire fleshy balls from fingertips.  Can result in temporary bone hands.
• Chicken–  Able to discern the ingredients of everything you eat, except chicken.
• Pork Loin– Enhanced sense of smell and a temporary twisty tail.
• Venison– Nose glows red and you gain the ability to fly.
• Bison–  Super strength, but fingers and toes become hooves.
• Sausage– Fire breath levels depend on spiciness.  Flatulence is a side effect.
• Lamb–  Sprout fancy wool from body, but will be chased by a blonde girl until power subsides.
• Veal–  You monster!
• Turkey– Expand body like a balloon, but intelligence falls to dangerous levels.
• Hasenpfeffer– Super jumping ability.  Will be terrified of anything that may eat a rabbit, including humans.
• Ostrich– Super speed.  Gain lots of weight, but its just fluffiness that will disappear after powers are gone.
• Elk–  Sonic call that can shatter glass and summons all deer in a 50 mile radius to your location.
• Wild Boar– Monster form and total rampage.  Popular at weddings.
• Ham–  Natural acting ability is granted.  Will cause an unsightly rash in sensitive places.
• Caribou– Unending stamina.  If eaten during certain times, you will migrate to the north.
• Pheasant– Change color of hair and skin.  Nose feathers . . . Need I say more.
• Kangaroo– Develop a pouch in stomach for storage.  Only side effect is things inside will be stuck in body if not removed before time is up.
• Alligator–  Hold breath underwater for up to an hour and increased swimming ability.  Very dry skin for a week.
• Emu–  Enhanced kicking ability and a strong desire to hurt everyone you see.
• Squirrel–  Can climb anything, but always forget where you put things.  This includes where you put your children.
• Bear–  Ability to sleep for an entire night without needing bathroom.  If too much is eaten at once, you will hibernate.  (Currently unavailable.)
• Moose–  Grow giant antlers and the muscles to wield them.  Doorways are a problem.
• Snake–  Body can bend into any shape, but only works when naked.
• Racoon–  Now we’re just getting too silly.
• Human–  Get out.