Ye New Oil Boutique: All Effects Are Temporary


Welcome to our little store.  As you can tell from the sign, we have oils and a nice collection at that.  Please don’t touch anything because even the residue of our products can have an effect.  Understand that these last only so long as the oil is in your system or on your skin depending on usage.  So, digestion and showering should be taken into account if you plan on doing something specific.  Now, what can I decanter for you this day?

  • Olive–  Our standard, but not top seller.  Attracts and mind controls anyone connected to the sea such as sailors or fishermen.
  • Virgin Olive–  Same as above, but you glow a little.
  • Extra Virgin Olive–  Same as above, but you have a ghost priest judging you for any physical contact you make.
  • Canola–  Gain the ability to understand various languages, but only the slang parts.
  • Vegetable–  Gain the powers of either a rabbit or turtle depending on if you eat it or dab it on your skin.  Each bottle is different in terms of which is which.
  • Sesame–  Enhances singing voice, counting ability, kindness levels, and friendliness.
  • Coconut–  Skin becomes rock like and hairy.  Urge to explain coconuts are not actual nuts is constant.
  • Peanut–  Ability to summon elephants with a clap of your hands.  Do not use when part of a live audience.
  • Flaxseed–  Grants the ability to slip through any opening bigger than your thumb and wider than your torso.  Sign wavier that we are not responsible for illegal usage.
  • Hemp–  Emit a soothing gas from nose, but the effort causes dizziness.
  • Grapeseed–  Fire tiny seeds from the palms of your hands.  They don’t hurt, but they do annoy.  Overuse can result in grape vines growing from pores.
  • Lavender– Do not eat!  Gives you the ability to survive any awkward conversation without stress.
  • Corn–  Nothing special.  There’s just so much of it that we give away a vial with every purchase.
  • Sunflower–  Grants temporary photosynthesis when in sunlight.  You can only face the sun until effect is over.
  • Avocado–  Telepathy along with the unstoppable desire to get involved in every conversation you sense.  Sense of superiority and low self-esteem are side effects.
  • Palm–  Gain the ability to geniunely slap the taste out of someone’s mouth.
  • Pumpkin–  Transform face, but only into scary visages.  Will upset any child holding a blanket on sight.
  • Walnut–  Grants the ability to choose the perfect wooden flooring and paint combination.
  • Lemongrass– Do not eat!  Steal the sleep of other people in order to stay awake.
  • Soy– Enhances all senses, except for taste, which is sacrificed for a week.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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7 Responses to Ye New Oil Boutique: All Effects Are Temporary

  1. All very clever, Charles. Got a big laugh on the line, “Gain the ability to genuinely slap the taste out of someone’s mouth.” Need some of that palm oil.


  2. L. Marie says:

    A number of these made me laugh out loud (especially Peanut and Sunflower). 😂😂😂😂😂😂


  3. noelleg44 says:

    Completely clever, Charles. You have the most inventive mind. I need to visit your store!


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