I’m going to hate writing this.  Not only because it was a bad week, but I really can’t take the well wishes and optimism.  Hopefully, people read this first part and understand why I’m in this kind of mood.

Due to unexpected events, I didn’t get to spend any time with my son until today.  This is the ONLY day I get with him for Spring Break, which started last Saturday.  If I wasn’t able to get today then it would have been a full 2 weeks since I’d spent time with him.  I spent the entire week angry and miserable because all of our plans were crushed.  Certain entities rose to make things worse.  Best comparison is if somebody locked in a stockade and a person comes to strap a bag full of manure over their head.  I’m not happy about the situation.

I helped a friend install a window and had dinner with him and his family, but it was supposed to be something I took my son too.  So, everything this week has been filled with a level of numbness.  People don’t seem to get that fathers can miss their children.  A few people were confused on why I was acting like a zombie.  Guess society hasn’t reached the point where fathers are allowed to be emotionally connected to children.  Another reason I hate this situation.

My sadness was pushed away a few times.  Last Saturday was Passover without my son who was supposed to be there.  My 6-month-old niece was there though, so I got to play with her a bit.  All of my energy of the day went to making her laugh, which was probably more for my sake than hers.  May have hovered a bit too much.  To be fair, this was at the start of the events and there were ‘incidents’ going on from Friday through Sunday.  I might not have been at my lowest.

Extra suckage went to the fact that Passover meant no pizza as comfort food.

With all other plans destroyed, I spent the week editing.  Barely left my room for anything other than bathroom and food.  Finished editing War of Nytefall: Savagery and should be done implementing the suggestions of a beta reader for Do I Need to Use a Dragon? tomorrow.  That second one might have gone faster if I wasn’t in a fragile mental state.  I took everything personally, including gravity resulting in my seltzer falling off the desk.  You know things are rough when you’re crying and cursing a friggin’ law of nature.  Still, all of the advice has helped me make it a stronger work, especially since non-fiction isn’t my area of expertise.

If I wasn’t editing, I was watching television.  I watched all of ‘Doom Patrol’, which was fun and little depressing.  Come to think of it, I might have been connecting too much with the characters who felt like their luck sucked.  Not the best choice when sad and ending every night with a glass of wine.  I didn’t want to sacrifice another new series to my mood once I finished, so I went back to ‘Arifureta’.  This was a short anime that I watched last year and enjoyed.  I should really watch the final ‘Rurouni Kenshin’ live-action movie at some point.  Maybe tomorrow after I finish editing.  Try to end this Spring Break on a high note since I go back to work on Monday.

With all of the editing done, I’ll be focusing on preparing outlines for the next series. War of Nytefall: Savagery is going to be delayed in getting published a little.  Recent events have made that one tougher and I want to get more volunteers if possible.  Think I only have a handful at this moment.  There might be a post going up tomorrow about it, but I’m not sure.  The new look of WordPress confuses me, especially since I can’t filter through posts by category or time period.  This was an improvement?

On the plus side, I get my son this week and Friday is my birthday.  I might actually get to do something for it this year.  Last time, the lockdowns an quarantines hit around that time, so all of my plans were canceled.  Not that I take my birthday as seriously as I used to since I’m just old.  Every year brings more aches, pains, and regrets.  Wake me when my luck changes and I can celebrate a year where things went well instead of badly or staying the same.

Not sure what else to talk about here since I’m definitely in a mood.  I’m hoping to finish the May posts this week while my son is asleep.  This means I should try to figure out what to do about June.  I’m still aiming for poetry and wondering how this can be done to help with books.  I could do a Monday for each series (Legends, Nytefall, Ichabod, Bedlam), but then I’ve got 9 more to cover Wednesday and Friday.  Characters might not work.  I might just junk the idea and go for fun poem topics.  Nothing structured either.  Just stream of consciousness stuff.  Nothing I do here causes sales anyway.

Goals of the week:

1. Time with son
2. Finish editing Do I Need to Use a Dragon?
3. May posts and June prep
4. Work and meetings
5. Pizza
6. Watch TV
7. Try to cheer up
8. Birthday