I’m going to hate writing this. Not only because it was a bad week, but I really can’t take the well wishes and optimism. Hopefully, people read this first part and understand why I’m in this kind of mood.
Due to unexpected events, I didn’t get to spend any time with my son until today. This is the ONLY day I get with him for Spring Break, which started last Saturday. If I wasn’t able to get today then it would have been a full 2 weeks since I’d spent time with him. I spent the entire week angry and miserable because all of our plans were crushed. Certain entities rose to make things worse. Best comparison is if somebody locked in a stockade and a person comes to strap a bag full of manure over their head. I’m not happy about the situation.
I helped a friend install a window and had dinner with him and his family, but it was supposed to be something I took my son too. So, everything this week has been filled with a level of numbness. People don’t seem to get that fathers can miss their children. A few people were confused on why I was acting like a zombie. Guess society hasn’t reached the point where fathers are allowed to be emotionally connected to children. Another reason I hate this situation.
My sadness was pushed away a few times. Last Saturday was Passover without my son who was supposed to be there. My 6-month-old niece was there though, so I got to play with her a bit. All of my energy of the day went to making her laugh, which was probably more for my sake than hers. May have hovered a bit too much. To be fair, this was at the start of the events and there were ‘incidents’ going on from Friday through Sunday. I might not have been at my lowest.
Extra suckage went to the fact that Passover meant no pizza as comfort food.
With all other plans destroyed, I spent the week editing. Barely left my room for anything other than bathroom and food. Finished editing War of Nytefall: Savagery and should be done implementing the suggestions of a beta reader for Do I Need to Use a Dragon? tomorrow. That second one might have gone faster if I wasn’t in a fragile mental state. I took everything personally, including gravity resulting in my seltzer falling off the desk. You know things are rough when you’re crying and cursing a friggin’ law of nature. Still, all of the advice has helped me make it a stronger work, especially since non-fiction isn’t my area of expertise.
If I wasn’t editing, I was watching television. I watched all of ‘Doom Patrol’, which was fun and little depressing. Come to think of it, I might have been connecting too much with the characters who felt like their luck sucked. Not the best choice when sad and ending every night with a glass of wine. I didn’t want to sacrifice another new series to my mood once I finished, so I went back to ‘Arifureta’. This was a short anime that I watched last year and enjoyed. I should really watch the final ‘Rurouni Kenshin’ live-action movie at some point. Maybe tomorrow after I finish editing. Try to end this Spring Break on a high note since I go back to work on Monday.
With all of the editing done, I’ll be focusing on preparing outlines for the next series. War of Nytefall: Savagery is going to be delayed in getting published a little. Recent events have made that one tougher and I want to get more volunteers if possible. Think I only have a handful at this moment. There might be a post going up tomorrow about it, but I’m not sure. The new look of WordPress confuses me, especially since I can’t filter through posts by category or time period. This was an improvement?
On the plus side, I get my son this week and Friday is my birthday. I might actually get to do something for it this year. Last time, the lockdowns an quarantines hit around that time, so all of my plans were canceled. Not that I take my birthday as seriously as I used to since I’m just old. Every year brings more aches, pains, and regrets. Wake me when my luck changes and I can celebrate a year where things went well instead of badly or staying the same.
Not sure what else to talk about here since I’m definitely in a mood. I’m hoping to finish the May posts this week while my son is asleep. This means I should try to figure out what to do about June. I’m still aiming for poetry and wondering how this can be done to help with books. I could do a Monday for each series (Legends, Nytefall, Ichabod, Bedlam), but then I’ve got 9 more to cover Wednesday and Friday. Characters might not work. I might just junk the idea and go for fun poem topics. Nothing structured either. Just stream of consciousness stuff. Nothing I do here causes sales anyway.
Goals of the week:
- Time with son
- Finish editing Do I Need to Use a Dragon?
- May posts and June prep
- Work and meetings
- Watch TV
- Try to cheer up