Dudley’s Desk Depot: Free Pen with Every Purchase (Wet Ink Not Guaranteed)

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Welcome and what do you want?  A desk?  Sure, we have those as you can tell by the name up there.  I’m not Dudley.  My name is Dale, but I didn’t want people making dancer or chipmunk jokes.  So, do you want me to make you a desk or not?  Yeah, I’m the craftsman too.  I don’t wear this sawdust for my health . . . Sorry about the coughing.  Might want to step around that pulpy blob.

Lets get into the overall style.  Catch this book and thumb through while I tell you about our best sellers.  We have flat tops, which are simple and easy.  Roll tops are popular, but a paint to work with when I’m not in the mood.  Drawers all over the place if you need to stash a lot of supplies.  Oh, I can add hidden compartments to anything, but you need to tell me before I start the creative process.  Where was I?  School desks if you’re into the utterly simple or nostalgia.  Moving desks that uses wheels or can be folded up to be carried off.  I could do a lap desk, but those are boring and I hate making cushions for the bottom.  Really big desks are a favorite, but I add a fee for any back pain that I endure from moving it around.  Why would I get an assistant?  That’s a person and I don’t have the patience for such things unless they’re paying me.  Roll top?  Sure, but it’ll take a month or two.

Tapered legs . . . eh . . . Drawers . . . obviously . . . Wood type?  Guess we should go over that part.  Can’t make a desk without materials.  If you came to me then you don’t want plastic or metal or that fake stuff you find in stores.  You want a solid wood desk because you know quality.  My personal favorite is cherry wood because I like the color and refuse to do the staining.  Want to ruin perfection then you have to do it yourself.  Oak, maple, and ash are classics, which you can’t go wrong with.  We have a list of stains you can choose from there.  The best is cherry, of course.  I can also make a desk out of pine, but that comes with a smell.  What smell?  Rotten eggs and low tide.  What do you think it smells like?  Pine . . . Yeah, I can leave the bark along the edging like in the picture.  I did that long ago because I wanted to take a nap.  Good choice.

Now, the roll top is basic.  You need it to be foldable and go into the top section.  There isn’t much variety that I’m willing to put on that.  Smooth arches, squared, or reverse tapered are the fanciest.  The lock will go down here and only the front drawers will be open.  Sure, I can put a hole in that area for a laptop wire.  Why don’t I chop the legs off too?  If you have a desktop computer then you don’t want a roll top.  A laptop will be carried around anyway.  You can put it on the desk and plug it in once you sit down to do whatever you have to do.  Of course, I’m telling you how to do your job since you seem intent on telling me how to do mine.  Just trust me on this or we’re going to be here all day.

Now we have handles for the drawers . . . Diamond studs?  These are the things you grab and pull.  Diamonds will cut your skin or have to be constantly cleaned because you leave oil on them.  Just go with either wood or metal.  Sure, make them shaped like skulls or swords or whatever.  I’m not the one using it.  Now, anything else that you need on this desk?  No?  Good . . . Sign the contract and get out of my way until I’m done.  Thank you for your patronage.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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9 Responses to Dudley’s Desk Depot: Free Pen with Every Purchase (Wet Ink Not Guaranteed)

  1. L. Marie says:

    Great post! 😁 I love a desk with something extra. I wonder if I can get one that releases tear gas if someone tries to break into it.

    I seriously love the desk I have. It was designed to fit in a corner and looks good enough to sit in a living room, which is where it is. Grateful for the friends who gave it to me. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is great, Charles. I like going into your stores. I need a desk with a built-in device that won’t release me until my daily word count is reached. Also, a water dispenser would be good. The legs will need to be adjustable for standing or sitting. No need for drawers since all I do is shove stuff in them and then forget what I shoved.


  3. I do love secret compartments…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dale doesn’t sound very… chipper. I love quality desks. I like those banker ones with all the drawers and compartments.

    Liked by 1 person

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