Derailing Bedlam: The Asp, The Axe, & The Asshole Part 3 #fiction #adventure

As usual, here is your warning that this story has cursing, sex (not graphic), innuendo, and violence.  It’s my Rated-R action adventure called Derailing Bedlam.  This is the fourth outing (third official) for Cassidy and Lloyd, so feel free to click on one of the two covers to see how it started.  Each one is 99 cents!

Cover by Jon Hunsinger

Cover Art by Jon Hunsinger











“Why are we here?” Cassidy whispers as she looks around the open field.

“Because people would stop reading if we didn’t show up,” Lloyd casually replies with a yawn.

The pair stop talking when Erik Bomani slams his axe into a nearby stump, the muscular man’s bronze skin covered in sweat. His black hair is a tangled mess from chopping firewood, but he has repeatedly stopped to brush his crimson beard. It takes his guests a few minutes to realize that his facial hair is adorned with bleached finger bones, each one marked by a neatly etched date. After wiping his hands on his jeans, Erik picks up an Egyptian headdress of gold and sapphire. The sides of the hat are shaped to look like wings while an ankh is set above the mayor’s forehead. Turning around, he flexes his back muscles to show off a detailed tattoo of Odin arm-wrestling Anubis. A laugh causes him to whirl around, but he is unable to figure out who made the noise. Scanning the group, his attention locks on Lloyd, who is slouched in an Adirondack chair and snoring.

“Let me see if I have this right,” Erik says while putting the wood into a cart. Picking out a few splinters, he grabs his rifle and takes a seat at the picnic table where Katie and Tyler are patiently waiting. “You control that train and need access to a storehouse to get new parts that you claim to own. This is a deal you made with Ragnar, which means it’s not something I ever agreed to. The mistakes of the past have been washed away by my arrival. In other words, you’re trying to steal from me. Not to mention your blatant trespassing.”

“Which is why we asked for you to step down from your position,” Katie states while sipping at her tea. The bitterness makes her eyes cross and she is tempted to shoot the man for creating such a vile concoction. “Your politics are not our business, so let Ragnar be in charge for a bit. Our people will take the gear, make the repairs, and leave within a day. You shouldn’t have a problem reclaiming the mayorship again.”

“You make it sound so simple, which means you’re lying,” the mayor replies before lifting his gun. He fires at a passing duck, the shot meant more to see how nervous his guests are than to kill the unsuspecting bird. “Mr. McHale jumped, which means he’s nervous. I’ve seen this type of thing before. Your plan is to fake a negotiation and kill me at your first opportunity. Why else would you bring those three? Not that a one-armed man, a scrawny woman, and a snoring slob can intimidate a perfect hybrid like me.”

Lloyd snorts and stirs enough to groggily ask, “So, you run off gas and electricity? Where do you stick the battery? Never mind. I don’t want know, Captain Suppository.”

“I apologize for that man. He has no manners or verbal restraint,” Tyler swiftly says while the mayor starts to stand. Taking a piece of paper out of his pocket, the businessman places it on the table and slides it to their host. “That is the list of parts we need from the warehouse. I will gladly take only that and leave the rest to you. Not that they are worth anything outside of Nebraska and this town is too far away to successfully trade with them. So, there truly is no reason for you to hold onto this equipment. Regardless, I will leave it if you wish to claim ownership and stand down long enough for us to get permission from Ragnar.”

Crumpling the list in his hand, Erik walks around the table and approaches the three bodyguards. Dale rises to meet the mayor and slides his machinegun off his shoulder, the weapon falling smoothly into his hand. With a tired sigh, Cassidy gets to her feet and puts her hand in the pockets of her denim jacket. Instead of watching Erik’s face like Dale, the mercenary keeps an eye on the man’s rifle, which remains pointed at the ground. Releasing a loud snore, Lloyd remains in his seat and rolls onto his side. The serial killer sticks his thumb in his mouth like a child, the effect causing the mayor to growl in disgust and head back to the table. He throws his rifle on top of the firewood and picks up his axe, which he angrily slams into the bench between Katie and Tyler.

“Let me tell you outsiders what I see before me,” Erik says with a growl. Taking off his headdress, he shakes it until a beetle falls out and skitters away. “You came here expecting Ragnar to be in charge, which means this deal gives you what you want. Him and that pale-skinned bitch are nothing more than impure relics, who want to live in the past. History and lore have no place in my world, so they hired all of you to eliminate me. This is nothing more than an assassination attempt masked as a negotiation. Do you really think I will stand down with the promise of Ragnar giving the mayorship back? That’s ridiculous and you people are obviously desperate idiots who act without thinking.”

“They did want us to eliminate you, but we were hoping to avoid that,” Tyler admits, earning a glare from their host. He draws his pistol to stop Erik from getting to the rifle, but his quivering hand betrays his fear. “I don’t like killing people, but I need those parts. All I ask is that you either give us permission to enter the storehouse or put someone in charge who will do that. Otherwise, we’re stuck here with all of our passengers.”

“It isn’t like you can’t challenge Ragnar and Hatshepsut once we leave,” Katie points out while taking off her hat. Examining the frayed feather, she turns it in her hands and lets her words linger. “I know your type. Strength and power are what’s important. If you were to defeat them in another challenge then nobody could ever question you again. Oh, I assumed you knew about the rumors. Since you entered the previous fight without warning, Ragnar and Hat had no way to prepare for you. It was a cowardly ambush that has people wondering if you’re too scared to face them when they’re ready. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a bigger fan of sneak attacks than frontal assaults, but you have to flex your muscles and courage at times to quell the threat of a rebellion. Especially if you’re a big, muscular warrior like yourself because physical power is the only tool you have to maintain control.”

Frowning at his partner, Tyler slaps his hands on the table hard enough to knock over the cups of horrible tea. “Stop giving him ideas when our only goal is to get the equipment. Ragnar and Hat can handle him on their own, but it’s not our problem. It isn’t like these challenges have anything to do with us. They’re simply barbaric wastes of time, which is something my train is steadily running out of. Only a brute uses these types of events to make political and business decisions. No offense, Mayor Bomani.”

“Some taken,” Erik states as he runs a hand along his beard. Glancing at the three bodyguards, he gets an idea that causes him to smile wide and long enough to strain his facial muscles. “You don’t think things can be settled by a challenge? How about we leave Ragnar and Hat out of this situation then? One of your people will fight me for your supplies. If I lose then you get what you want and I’ll even support the station. If I win then most of you will leave with nothing. I think I’ll keep this woman with the accent. She intrigues me.”

“Do I look like a bloody carnival prize, you shite-faced baboon?” Katie snaps before standing on the bench. Climbing onto the table, she gets in Erik’s face and waves for Tyler to back away. “Just for that, I’m accepting your challenge. You can even pick the person you’re going to fight. I have complete faith in all three.”

The mayor has a flicker of doubt on his face, but one look at the trio causes him to laugh and grab Katie by the hand. “You have a deal and we’ll head to the challenge circle right away to get this over with. Now, who to choose? This is a public fight, so beating a one-armed man would make me look pathetic. Same goes for that woman, but I also sense that she’s more than she seems. That leaves me with the tired fool in the middle. Not a great choice since he looks like he’d break if I sneeze on him and he can’t stay conscious. Still, he gives a better illusion of a true challenge than the other two. I’ll make sure to play with him and give him a chance or two, but you better prepare yourself for a life as my woman. Now, how do we wake him up?”

“This is the happiest day of my life!” Lloyd shouts as he leaps to his feet. He rushes around the table and gives Erik a big kiss on the cheek before holding the man’s hands. “I’m so honored to be chosen for this. It’s been a dream since I was a little girl. Wish I had a speech, so I’m going to have to wing it. I’d like to thank my abusive parents, my high school gym teacher, the man who invented frozen yogurt, and the woman of my dreams. I’d thank God too, but I’m sure he doesn’t want anything to do with what’s about to happen. At least that one, so I should thank any war gods who are taking a peek. Did I forget anybody? Maybe I should thank the inventor of deodorant too because you really need some, big guy.”

Grabbing Lloyd by the face, Erik proceeds to drag him away from the others and towards the distant challenge circle. He stops and releases the serial killer when he feels a tongue repeatedly run along his palm. Scowling at the other man, the mayor cracks his knuckles and marches ahead without looking to see if he is being followed. The sound of laughter from the outsiders tempts him to turn around, but he refuses in case it is a trick. Erik never notices that Lloyd is happily skipping behind him like a child on his way to the candy store.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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18 Responses to Derailing Bedlam: The Asp, The Axe, & The Asshole Part 3 #fiction #adventure

  1. Thanks for warning me about the cursing. I couldn’t fucking deal with that. 🙂


  2. Aww, we have to wait.


  3. You gotta love Lloyd. Can’t wait for the challenge. “Who like to love men who were yellow.”


  4. L. Marie says:

    You have the wildest characters!

    As John said, you gotta love Lloyd. I can’t imagine any actor doing him justice in the movie version of this.

    And Katie is something else. She’s got guts. Gotta hand it to her.


  5. Pingback: Derailing Bedlam: The Asp, The Axe, & The Asshole Part 4 #fiction #adventure | Legends of Windemere

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