Welcome to the Store Store! What is it you’re looking for? An explanation might be able to clear things up. You see, we supply everything you need to make a store. These are in high demand these days and our Board of Directors, none of who are giant termites, saw an opportunity. Feel free to look around and don’t assume that you have to decide on anything now. Such a decision takes time and information. Let me give you a tour and maybe something will catch your eye. Have this tasty drink and enjoy.
As you can see, we have two categories depending on what you need. Some of our customers need the building constructed from the ground up, so they require extra attention and services. Others have the building already, which means we only have to worry about the codes that involve additions. Our architects have created hundreds of possible designs, but they are always up for a new challenge. For example, we recently had a customer who needed a tower on a small island. I’m talking one that was no bigger than five houses across. It was mostly sand too, so stability was an issue. Unfortunately, that’s where my story ends because our techniques are kept secret from outsiders. Even our customers only get a basic idea of what we do. Otherwise, we’d never get called in for maintenance.
The interior of your store depends primarily on what you are selling. Flowers would require some open windows to get a breeze while ice sculptures need to be sealed off and kept cold. There are still some common basics. You need a front area with registers, which range from a solitary desk to supermarket rows. The variety here is in the level of technology that you wish to use. We have fully automated, computerized registers, abacus, and a several other systems. It really depends on what you are looking for and the level of human involvement you require. I will warn you that fully automated does require at least three live-in mechanics. By live-in, I mean they need room and board within the store because you never know when something will go wrong. Like what? Corrupt software, lost data, fires, attempts to enslave humanity, missing dollar sign keys, and the usual issues.
Here is our art department where you sit in the chair and talk to our various artists. They will help with signage, murals, and whatever else needs a creative touch. Do not feel obligated to listen to all of their ideas because they can get fairly competitive. That’s what the paintball guns are for too. If a heated debate ensues and you are unable to provide a clear answer, the feuding artists have a duel. The usual ten paces, turn, and fire. How do we know who wins if it’s non-lethal? It usually devolves into a small battle that ends once one person is out of ammunition. It’s fairly entertaining as long as you don’t get hit. Feel free to choose a third option if you feel the actions of the others are unbecoming of your brand. Oh, we recently hired a sculptor too. Keep that in mind . . . Yes, I know you are not interested in a store, but you should still keep it in mind.
What do we have left? It’s difficult to do this without knowing what you would want or need. It really isn’t that hard to put a store together when you have a theme. There are the aisles and shelves that range from wooden standard to conveyor belts. Holograms were taken off the market because customers kept mistaking them for real products. Far too many false advertising lawsuits even after we added a ‘this is a hologram’ message on the bottom. I guess that’s really it. Sorry that I couldn’t be of more help. Is there anything you want to do before you leave? Do we have a bathroom? I’m sorry those are only for paying customers. Would you be interested in a small calendar kiosk?