(Say hello to Tim Willow and check out his blog. Link after this fun post.)
When things get bad for me, I pray to God.
When things get really bad I drink vodka martinis.
On this day I felt close to God but may also have been drinking vodka martinis.
The world started spinning and I almost felt like I was outside my body.
Feeling Beyond Death
I woke up in a field of grass,filled with sheep. Beyond my field all I could see was more fields filled with grass. The sheep all eating.
I could hear the rip of the grass as they tore it from the ground.
I could not tell if I had died or if I was dreaming.
The sheep closest to me, looked at me strangely.
“Hello,” the sheep said ” I’m supposed to show you round.”
“Everything you can see, and as far as you can walk is edible. It’s also free.”
“You can eat as much as you want,whenever you want.”
The sheep showed me everything. “Do you have any questions?”
“Yes” I said. “I’m not a sheep.”
“That’s not a question,” the sheep said.
“How did I get here?” I asked.
It was the strangest thing – I heard a voice behind me.
“Hello, I’m God.”
I turned around and faced him. He looked and sounded exactly like me.
An exact mirror image.
“Yes,I know what you’re thinking,” God said. “I tend to appear in the form of what you value the most.”
“However, I think there’s a glitch somewhere.”
“This is sheep heaven and you hate yourself, so I don’t really know what’s happening.”
“I think I’ll have to send you back.”
“Try and cut back on the vodka,” my mirror image said.
“Oh and eat more lamb. There’s a shortage up here”
“Isn’t that just like the world below?” I asked.
“Heavens gotta eat.” God said.
I opened my eyes.
I was in a field of grass filled with sheep. Beyond my field all I could see was more fields filled with grass, the sheep ripping the grass from the earth.
“Baaaaaa,” I said.
I started ripping the grass from the earth. It tasted so good.
Thanks for reading. Please think of me the next time you eat lamb.
Thank you :
I’d like to thank Charles for including me as a guest writer.
If you want to check out my blog – the rebelfish – and follow please do so.
There are many posts in a similar vein to this piece.
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