Designing the Vampire Cafe: Nearly to the Point of Nausea

Dracula

One thing that seems to come up a lot in vampire stories is what one could consider a Vampire Bar or Cafe.  It’s a watering hole for these monsters where they can mingle and have a meal without hunting.  Some have humans entranced and handed out like cans of beer while others have the blood in mugs.  Most times, these places take on the form of a S&M club or a noble party with a high level of eeriness.  I always found this a little strange because vampires don’t always go to these lengths for entertainment.  I know they’re seen as the embodiment of decadence and primal instinct, but this does go over the top at times.  So, what are some things to consider if you make a vampire club?

  1. Make sure it’s easy to find for vampires, but not by mortals.  Even the use of vampiric runes and symbols is a bad idea because hunters always figure these out.  You can have new turns be taught to memorize these feeding locations, so it’s an oral tradition instead of anything written down.  Considering how old vampires tend to be, this would make a lot of sense.
  2. Connected to #1: NO NEON SIGNS!  They might not scream vampire, but you’re going to get curious mortals in there.  You can’t eat them all without making people wonder why so many disappear around your establishment.
  3. We get it.  Some vampire types love sex and have a thing for pain.  Not every club has to be filled with more latex than a condom factory.  There can always be a separate place for this because who wants to eat while the couple in the next booth are doing something unsightly with the lit candles.
  4. If you must have mortals mingling with vampires, explain how this doesn’t reveal the whole thing.  After all, these places are a great way to gather information about an always changing world.  For example, the Scrumptious Siren has a spell that prevents mortals from realizing they’re with vampires.  Feeding isn’t allowed on the premises and surrounding area too, which means you don’t have that disappearance issue.
  5. Doesn’t hurt to come up with a few creative menu items.  Sure, vampires are only interested in blood, but they can have fun with it.  After all, they can mix blood types instead of having to stick with one person.  Alcohol being added is another option since that’s something that can get into the bloodstream.  It really depends on how you work the vampire type.
  6. Playing pool can be fun, but those cues are just asking to be used as giant stakes.  Keep that in mind if you add this game because I’m betting the vampires have already considered this without you.
  7. An outdoor eating area might not be a good idea.  Sure, it creates a great amount of ambiance, but there are two flaws.  One is that passing people can see the vampires eating.  The other is that it undoes all attempts at hiding the place’s presence.  You might think sunlight is a problem too, but they can easily scamper inside once a timer goes off.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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12 Responses to Designing the Vampire Cafe: Nearly to the Point of Nausea

  1. Good list on places to avoid if you spot any of these.

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  2. L. Marie says:

    Great tips. Looks like you had a lot of fun coming up with them. 😀

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  3. Plastic chopsticks. Here is a whole new market for them, if you can find the places. Wooden ones just won’t do.

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  4. Very good tips and quite amusing too, thanks for the midweek laugh

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  5. Someplace like an abandoned farm or mine could work. Ordinary people won’t go in because of the obvious dangers. Or if they did, you could stage some sort of accident with serious injury, just as a reminder. Supernatural creatures who knew the way in wouldn’t risk setting off any traps that were set out. Or if they could fly, then they could get in without risking the traps.

    Below the dilapidated surface, you could dig out any manner of large establishment. Plus a few escape tunnels in case hunters zero in on the site.

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    • That’s always the catch to me. Creatures find these abandoned, scary places to gather. Yet, those would be the first spots that hunters check. You can’t go public though because of temptation. It’s like a lose/lose.

      Liked by 1 person

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