Did I Even Have Goals This Week?


The new book is doing okay.  It has 3 reviews, but only sold 7 copies according to the Amazon reports.  The ranking is abysmal, but it looks like I’m losing to a lot of erotica collections.  At least the last time I checked.  Honestly, I’m no longer sure how to gauge is a book is successful or not.  Read a few posts on how the rankings are being manipulated, Amazon is making it harder to get reviews, and I’m stumped on how to promote a book without going bankrupt.  Especially since I’m burnt out on guest post ideas.  Nothing in the tank there.

Another reason I’m probably feeling depressed is that I don’t have my laptop.  This limits my activity and the iPhone can only do so much.  Loses power too quickly and it’s hard to check in on other posts.  Not to mention I keep losing the WordPress app and no laptop means no night work.  I was promised the desktop, but it didn’t run as smoothly as I’d have liked.  Being told that I can use it is all fine and dandy.  Thanks for that, but things get tense when I have to work in an area where I hear yelling, people keep walking in for stuff, and I can lose it to a Facebook check if I hit the bathroom.  A note to non-writers who live with writers:

‘Just because you don’t talk directly to them, doesn’t mean your yelling isn’t noticed.  Just because you walk into the room to grab something, doesn’t mean we won’t stop in preparation of being spoken too.  Privacy is a key component of writing.  At the very least, the sense of privacy.  Take that away and many writers either lock up or put out mediocre product. Oh, and don’t bring up royalties and backup plans when a writer is attempting to start a new project.’

My son started summer school on Wednesday, which has been another wrinkle.  The bus schedule is still being worked out, so I haven’t figured out how much time I have exactly in the day.  He gets back earlier than in the school year, which takes away about an hour from my work time.  Seems I don’t get much done if I have to do any errands or biking.  It was 1 section on Wednesday, 2 on Thursday, and I might be chalking Friday up to a loss.  I’m writing this around 10:30 and still have to do food shopping for next week.  Maybe I’ll get some . . . never mind.  I almost forgot I don’t have a laptop to work on in privacy.  Weekends have too much main floor traffic.  Guess it’s a good thing I set up all of the Protecting BedlamRaven’s Dawn, and August posts.  It’s going to take me until the middle of August to finish Derailing Bedlam and that’s being generous.  Looking at maybe 2 chapters a week instead of the 4-5 I could do with my laptop.  Hoping it was a smart idea to take on the biggest of the three projects during this situation since it would be the first release of 2018.

I should put maybe in there.  Think I say this every weekend, but I’m really worrying about my prospects after Legends of Windemere.  Bedlam and Ichabod aren’t doing too hot. I can’t go broke promoting them either.  Honestly, I didn’t for my main series.  Makes me wonder what will happen when I start in on the Dawn Fang stories.  Will people accept it or decide that my 15 minutes are up?  What’s the next step anyway?  Some people have suggested I try to find someone who would turn my stories into shows, movies, or comics because of how I write.  Where would I even start with that?

So, what are the goals?

  1. Write Derailing Bedlam as best as I can.
  2. Put programs back on laptop if I get it back and it was wiped.
  3. Try for the fictional tournament bracket thing again.
  4. Tinker with Sin stuff at night if I have the energy and motivation.
  5. Try to stay hydrated because this week also had some health problems.  Not drinking enough water sets off the IBS pretty badly.


It should become apparent that I’m still in the depression/irritable funk that I was in for most of last year.  So I should probably come clean and admit that things really aren’t working out.  Feels like everything goes wrong and every step forward is met with an unexpected disaster.  Getting sick, the kid getting sick, broken laptops, and the list keeps going.  I haven’t had any real down time.  Even the breaks have been met with tension because I’m repeatedly asked when my backup plan is.  Asking about the books tends to lead into this too, so the question makes me anxious.  I’m just so tired emotionally and using what little spark of positive that I have to make sure my books still have humor and heart.  This is where people tell me to take care of myself, but life doesn’t always give you that option when you’re around others.  I can’t sleep in without spending 15-30 minutes getting the kid started and that’s a minimum.  I can’t relax without being made to feel guilty.  It’s been like this for a while and these Saturday posts tend to be where I explode to some extent.  Going too far makes me fear that I’m driving people away, but I don’t have many that I can speak to around here.  Those I do have aren’t really able to understand because of the artist factor.  I need privacy, calm, and support to keep going.  Yet, it’s so easy to disrupt my psyche with even a single sentence.  After awhile, one doesn’t even need to speak.  All of my victories over the last few years have been met with at least one person pointing out the failures or giving a reason I shouldn’t be proud.  Not in those words, but it’s the gist.  It’s led to me having difficulty enjoying my victories.  The Life & Times of Ichabod Brooks came out and I was happy, but I was worrying about reviews, rankings, and sales by the end of the day.  Part of me is already trying to chalk it up as a failure along with Bedlam, which isn’t right.  So . . . I’m just venting and limping along because I have just enough pride to keep me going.  Not enough to make me happy though.  And that’s the mental state of Charles E. Yallowitz.  (This is going to cost me on this side of the computer.)

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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34 Responses to Did I Even Have Goals This Week?

  1. twixie13 says:

    Hoping you get your laptop back soon. And of course, really hoping that something works out for the best. As for the questions about a backup…UGH, I know all too well how *that* tends to be. There’re times I’m scared to even mention any progress on my goals around my mom, because she seems to zero in on when I’m most proud of myself, to ask that dreaded question “So, where have you applied recently?”. Major stab to what negligible confidence there was, right there…

    But like I said, hoping for the best, here. Pretty sure positive thoughts are all I can really offer, at this point. Probably doesn’t help all that much, I know…but it’s, again, the best I’ve got to offer.


    • I’m betting on a Friday return at the earliest. Looks like they haven’t even touched it and it arrived Wednesday. This is why I argued with them and pointed out that I work from home. If it happens again, I’ll have to find a local place.

      I get the backup talk even when I don’t bring up progress. People have taken to sideswiping me with the topic. Not doing well for a few of my health problems because it makes me anxious around others. That zeroing in on high pride and confidence days happens here too. Why do they pick those moments to stab away?

      Positive thoughts are good. The big thing is that I just wish I could get one break that proves I’m making progress. Anything that I can hold up as an untarnished victory.

      Liked by 1 person

      • twixie13 says:

        Yeah, I definitely hear you on hoping for that one major break. I’d be satisfied with my Patreon pledges hitting the triple digits, myself. Or book sales (period).


      • I see a lot of Patreon out there. Not as much as I used to though. That and GoFundMe type stuff seem to have erupted then died down. Hear you on the book sales.


  2. Vent away, my friend. It is tough to have little support at home cause they are all there and we are out here. You are amazing and it is too bad your home folks don’t recognize that very thing.


  3. noelleg44 says:

    Let it all hang out – you’ve got some really empathetic listeners out here! Of course your comment about losing out to erotica made me smile – how about some erotic fantasy? Sexy dragons??


    • I have to hold back a bit because people on this side have a habit of reading my blog and approaching me outside of comments. People don’t seem to realize that if I’m saying something on-line then I probably don’t want to be confronted off-line about it. That just makes things worse.

      Contrary to what a few ‘Allure of the Gypsies’ reviews say, I don’t have it in me to write sex scenes. It’s funny how I’m losing to erotica on the rankings while getting criticized for the sexual traditions of one of my fictional cultures.


  4. It is tough to juggle life and writing. I am not one to give advice. I have had blips in the last 20 years. I did not write at all when I lived with my mother and it was frustrating.. but then I realised that I would not get that time with her again. Your child which you adore is part of the reason you are doing this. I am just putting this out there Charles but perhaps you need a summer break for two or three weeks where you focus on marketing Ichabod and your other books and not write at all and come back to it when your laptop is fixed and start fresh again. hope not out of turn. Sally


    • I spent ten years doing only outlines and rewrites of the first 3 Windemere books. I was told that I just had to get a normal job and my author time would come as I kept submitting. These days that time feels like a waste. The problem with a break is that I’ve had several these year. I’ll have another when my son finishes summer school. Whenever he’s home, I’m not writing. So I technically had a two week break in June too. He gets a lot of days off, which means taking time off when he’s not around puts me in a bad spot. I have nothing for next year and don’t have the luxury of taking a lengthy break from publishing. If I don’t write or put out something new by next spring then people here assume I quit. So that break turns into a stressful nightmare.

      As far as promoting Ichabod, I’m trying, but can’t find much. I’ve used multiple sites and blogs. I really need word of mouth to spread and get some positive reviews. That goes for all the books, which have been stagnant review-wise. It’s emotionally exhausting.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Maybe you could sell stuff on eBay on the side? I’ve heard of lots of people who make money doing that. When you’re off riding your bike, stop at yard sales, spend five bucks on old toys or something, reuse a few old boxes and you’ve got a nice side line. It’s just a thought…


  6. I am sorry that life is getting you down right now, Charles. Things will get better, they always do.


  7. I’m sorry everything is getting you down. Try and hang in there, and do your best to focus on the enjoyment of whatever writing time you do get. I know it’s easier said than done, but try. I find it helps.


  8. I get what you’re going through more than you can imagine. All I can say is, I love the 3rd Bedlam book and am looking forward to its weekly installments!


  9. I so understand, Charles. Almost every writer has been there.

    Maybe make a game out of it — every time someone interrupts you, you get to take a drink?


  10. I get it, and I think we all do. I’ve been blessed with plenty of writing time lately, but must now focus on promotion instead. To preserve my sanity, I have to consider writing as my hobby. It covers my internet service, but not much more. I believe one day I’ll produce something that catches on. Then maybe my backlist will draw some attention too. In either case, I enjoy writing and will continue to write fiction.


  11. L. Marie says:

    So sorry about your laptop and other hardships. When it rains, it pours. 😦 I’m so wanting a big break for you!


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