The new book is doing okay. It has 3 reviews, but only sold 7 copies according to the Amazon reports. The ranking is abysmal, but it looks like I’m losing to a lot of erotica collections. At least the last time I checked. Honestly, I’m no longer sure how to gauge is a book is successful or not. Read a few posts on how the rankings are being manipulated, Amazon is making it harder to get reviews, and I’m stumped on how to promote a book without going bankrupt. Especially since I’m burnt out on guest post ideas. Nothing in the tank there.
Another reason I’m probably feeling depressed is that I don’t have my laptop. This limits my activity and the iPhone can only do so much. Loses power too quickly and it’s hard to check in on other posts. Not to mention I keep losing the WordPress app and no laptop means no night work. I was promised the desktop, but it didn’t run as smoothly as I’d have liked. Being told that I can use it is all fine and dandy. Thanks for that, but things get tense when I have to work in an area where I hear yelling, people keep walking in for stuff, and I can lose it to a Facebook check if I hit the bathroom. A note to non-writers who live with writers:
‘Just because you don’t talk directly to them, doesn’t mean your yelling isn’t noticed. Just because you walk into the room to grab something, doesn’t mean we won’t stop in preparation of being spoken too. Privacy is a key component of writing. At the very least, the sense of privacy. Take that away and many writers either lock up or put out mediocre product. Oh, and don’t bring up royalties and backup plans when a writer is attempting to start a new project.’
My son started summer school on Wednesday, which has been another wrinkle. The bus schedule is still being worked out, so I haven’t figured out how much time I have exactly in the day. He gets back earlier than in the school year, which takes away about an hour from my work time. Seems I don’t get much done if I have to do any errands or biking. It was 1 section on Wednesday, 2 on Thursday, and I might be chalking Friday up to a loss. I’m writing this around 10:30 and still have to do food shopping for next week. Maybe I’ll get some . . . never mind. I almost forgot I don’t have a laptop to work on in privacy. Weekends have too much main floor traffic. Guess it’s a good thing I set up all of the Protecting Bedlam, Raven’s Dawn, and August posts. It’s going to take me until the middle of August to finish Derailing Bedlam and that’s being generous. Looking at maybe 2 chapters a week instead of the 4-5 I could do with my laptop. Hoping it was a smart idea to take on the biggest of the three projects during this situation since it would be the first release of 2018.
I should put maybe in there. Think I say this every weekend, but I’m really worrying about my prospects after Legends of Windemere. Bedlam and Ichabod aren’t doing too hot. I can’t go broke promoting them either. Honestly, I didn’t for my main series. Makes me wonder what will happen when I start in on the Dawn Fang stories. Will people accept it or decide that my 15 minutes are up? What’s the next step anyway? Some people have suggested I try to find someone who would turn my stories into shows, movies, or comics because of how I write. Where would I even start with that?
So, what are the goals?
- Write Derailing Bedlam as best as I can.
- Put programs back on laptop if I get it back and it was wiped.
- Try for the fictional tournament bracket thing again.
- Tinker with Sin stuff at night if I have the energy and motivation.
- Try to stay hydrated because this week also had some health problems. Not drinking enough water sets off the IBS pretty badly.
It should become apparent that I’m still in the depression/irritable funk that I was in for most of last year. So I should probably come clean and admit that things really aren’t working out. Feels like everything goes wrong and every step forward is met with an unexpected disaster. Getting sick, the kid getting sick, broken laptops, and the list keeps going. I haven’t had any real down time. Even the breaks have been met with tension because I’m repeatedly asked when my backup plan is. Asking about the books tends to lead into this too, so the question makes me anxious. I’m just so tired emotionally and using what little spark of positive that I have to make sure my books still have humor and heart. This is where people tell me to take care of myself, but life doesn’t always give you that option when you’re around others. I can’t sleep in without spending 15-30 minutes getting the kid started and that’s a minimum. I can’t relax without being made to feel guilty. It’s been like this for a while and these Saturday posts tend to be where I explode to some extent. Going too far makes me fear that I’m driving people away, but I don’t have many that I can speak to around here. Those I do have aren’t really able to understand because of the artist factor. I need privacy, calm, and support to keep going. Yet, it’s so easy to disrupt my psyche with even a single sentence. After awhile, one doesn’t even need to speak. All of my victories over the last few years have been met with at least one person pointing out the failures or giving a reason I shouldn’t be proud. Not in those words, but it’s the gist. It’s led to me having difficulty enjoying my victories. The Life & Times of Ichabod Brooks came out and I was happy, but I was worrying about reviews, rankings, and sales by the end of the day. Part of me is already trying to chalk it up as a failure along with Bedlam, which isn’t right. So . . . I’m just venting and limping along because I have just enough pride to keep me going. Not enough to make me happy though. And that’s the mental state of Charles E. Yallowitz. (This is going to cost me on this side of the computer.)