Build-A-Beast: All Your Chimera Needs

Fullmetal Alchemist Chimera

Fullmetal Alchemist Chimera

Be with you in a moment!  Removing an elephant trunk with all the muscles and blood vessels isn’t easy.  Especially when you’re replacing it with a rhino horn that fires lightning.  Okay, what can we make for you?

We get that first concern a lot, which is where since we’re basically playing god and this isn’t a respected field.  Wait, I mean legal.  So, asking about the treatment of the animals is rather strange.  To put your screwy sensitivities at ease, all of our resources are kept in a vast habitat out back. This is why you had to take a helicopter to this island that possesses every biome on the planet and a few that you’ve never heard of before.  We don’t kill animals and use every part, which includes organ transplants and feeding unused meat to the predators and melting all protesters into a juice that we serve in the cafeteria.  What what?  Never mind.  We’ll get back to that if things go wrong.

Now, we’re out of shamans, so we have to do a stitch job.  This means you have to pick the parts and maybe an element if you want powers.  We highly advise that you not go beyond one element due to the risk of explosion.  No element?  That makes this a little easier.  Let’s start with choosing a main body, which will determine what else we can put in there.  As you heard, I have an elephant that’s ready to go.  Of course you want something else since that would make my job easier.  Why do people always do the opposite of what I suggest?  Fine, the body of a large weasel and the tail of a beaver.  Uh, you’re describing a platypus.  Try again.

Okay, that’s much better.  Body of a wolverine gives you some power and the head of an anteater is rather interesting.  We’re out of skunk tails, but we have a surplus of spider monkey.  There was an incident when somebody put wings on a tiger and it got loose in the rainforest section.  So all the parts it didn’t eat are on ice.  Still viable and at a great discount to you.  Where’s the flying tiger now?  Somewhere in Buffalo, but I don’t follow up on products.  If you want your chimera to fly then I’d recommend some back muscle enhancement and either condor or albatross wings.

Good to see you’re listening now.  Let’s work on a few nuances.  You have land, air, and climbing capability, which is useful.  Water is difficult with the wings and the anteater head is useless once submerged.  I guess we can make it stickier and switch the wolverine fur for sea otter.  Sorry, but the wings pulling into the body is entirely fiction.  There is an experimental idea where we give your chimera regeneration and the ability to separate from body parts.  So it can detach the wings, land in the water, and swim to shore.  Takes a few wings for things to grow back and there is a risk of it rejecting its own head.  Yes, that would be covered under the warranty.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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15 Responses to Build-A-Beast: All Your Chimera Needs

  1. L. Marie says:

    Glad you’re out of skunk tails. My car was partially sprayed by one the other day. Ugh. 😦
    I’ll take one. Can I get it in green?

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  2. I was so relieved to see there is a warranty. My wife told me not to come home with anything that doesn’t have a warranty. I’ll take the elephant. I think it will go well with the coyotes.

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  3. I’d like an elephant with a whale tail, do you have a fire spitting option? Oh, plus I need a sea monster that can walk on solid ground and breath while submerged in quicksand, I’d be willing to pay double if it has two heads, eyes made of gold and bleeds gems.
    What kind of time frame are we looking at?
    By the way, I have an uncle who is looking for an army of flying boa constrictors, can I get a quote for him? Thanks.

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    • Always a spitting option since it’s so popular. The eyes of gold and gem-bleeding isn’t our department. Stitching the animal together and doing some tweaks are doable, but those require an enchanter. We know a guy down the block who gives a discount if you start with us. The first chimera would take 4 days as long as the spitting option is in stock. The second is very complex and large, so we’d need 2 weeks. Finally, I’ll need to talk to your uncle about the specifics before I quote him. Large serpents are bought by the foot and wing type prices vary as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Great stuff. Do you have an eshop? Also, do you deliver abroad?

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