Dungeons & Dragons Golems

So you’re the one who called in asking if we could make a robot.  I told you over the phone that I’m not sure what you’re talking about.  Golems are magical in nature, but you say this is something more.  Can you tell me what makes this robot any different than a golem?  I see.  Sounds like you want an advanced metal or knight golem.  Just follow me through the rock aisle and flesh buckets since those aren’t what you need.  What you want might be in the back?

Now it seems a big difference is what powers these things.  A golem is kept going by a magical spell while you want an energy core.  Those aren’t very stable, but it really depends on the element.  I suggest either fire or a churning water core.  A robot needs to be powered by electricity or plasma?  You’ll get the first choice because the second requires a lot of licenses that I don’t have.  The chance of you getting zapped by your creation is pretty high with lightning too.  Maybe putting some enchanted mirrors on the hands and feet will help contain the energy.  Don’t shrug at me, kid.  I’m making this up as I go along and need you to put some effort in.

You mentioned circuit boards and other things that go on the inside, but I’m still in the dark there.  Feel free to go through our junk piles and see if anything works.  Now, my best guess is that you want to stuff one of these suits of armor with stuff and lock the core in the center.  We have different styles and the bigger ones can handle the power.  You said stuff will be in there, but the electricity can bounce around the inside.  Less chance of things getting stuck or leaks or whatever can go wrong.  I like this one that stands at twelve feet tall and has an axe for a hand.  Sure, we can give it usable hands of metal, but that’s extra and a week to deliver.

Consciousness is essential to golems, but they don’t really get free will.  Robots don’t always get that either?  Then I still don’t understand the difference.  You mention programming, but not by magic.  Typing it into a mechanical brain that was never made of flesh?  Not even sure where to start with what’s wrong with that.  I don’t care if I’m ruining this author’s theme.  You can’t just make one of these robot things exactly as you describe if the world doesn’t accommodate it.  Work within the rules or find ways around it.  That area isn’t my business since I’m only a businessman.

Look, I don’t know what kind of world you think you live in here.  The type of creature you want is not possible unless you take to a gnome.  Even then I don’t think you’ll get more than an explosion that takes off your eyebrows.  Sorry, kid, but I believe our business is done here.  Come back if you ever want something serious.  Go ahead and tell the author on me.  Sounds like he should know better.