Starting tomorrow, the Monday/Wednesday/Friday posts will be the newest Ichabod Brooks tale. There are 8 parts as he takes on the challenge of the Starwind Egg! Today, we simply have a message to anyone who wishes to employee Ichabod Brooks:
To All Potential Employers
If you are reading this sign then I assume you have come with a job offer. You were possibly referred by a previous client or have heard a tavern tale about me. My reputation precedes me and I can assure you that some of it is warranted. The rest is embellishments and drivel created by bards who love money more than truth. So if you have come here to hire me for some fantastic quest that spans the globe then turn around and walk away. I am a simple man who is only interested in providing for his family.
If you are still reading this and wish to hire me then here are my rules:
- I take half of the payment up front and it is delivered to my home. The job does not start until my wife confirms the money has arrived.
- You will answer all of my questions about the job. Answering with ‘unimportant’ or ‘need to know’ is acceptable. Just know that if the information I requested turns out to be essential, I will have words with you later. Lie to me at your own risk.
- I use my own equipment unless the job requires a special item. If that is the case then I will inspect it for curses prior to signing the contract with you.
- Write your name on the contract. ‘X’ is not acceptable and the enchanted quill I use is easily angered.
- Tell me if I am working alone or with others. I hate surprises.
- I am allowed one souvenir of my choice to bring home to my son. It will not be anything that is needed by you, but something small that nobody will miss. This rule is non-negotiable.
- Betrayal will be met with creative punishment.
If you agree to all of these rules then proceed to the house and I will meet with you. If I am on another job then my wife will discuss the more specific terms of our potential contract. Do not think that will make your life easier because she is the one who created the above rules. Good luck.
Thank you for your visit and potential business relationship.
Ichabod Brooks & Family
P.S. – If you are here to attack my family then know that there are many traps on the property that react to aggression. Getting past them only means you face our pet ‘Beardy’. Defeat ‘Beardy’ and you must fight me. Kill me and my wife will be waiting. That will be the end of you. Have a good day.