We have taken over the Windemere blog for today because we’re tired of being ignored here! All we see are posts about elves, humans, half-elves, halfling, calicos, vampires, gnomes, and even orcs. Why is there no respect for the dwarves? Is it because we’re shown to be gruff and blunt? Do your real world sensitivities make it difficult to deal with us? Maybe it’s because we only show up as blacksmiths, drunks, miners, mercenaries, and thugs. Never see us as a love interest unless you pretty us up and thin us down. Well, we don’t appreciate being depicted as half elf/half dwarf abominations. A real dwarf is callused and burly of beard. Put down the autograph book, Brocker, because that’s not we’re here for. We want to make a statement and give our demands to all those snobby fantasy authors:
Uh . . . Who has the demand list? I thought someone was writing it down during the meeting. Why would I do it when I was standing on the table and talking? I don’t care if you would have had to put your ale down. Hook the rim of the mug with your teeth and tip your head back to get a sip. We’ve all had times where both our arms were broken and we needed a drink. Now we look like idiots when we’re not. Just get carried away with our celebrations and being the best brewers on the planet.
Sorry about that mistake, but our anger persists. Dwarves have been pigeonholed into a handful of roles and we think it’s time for us to branch out. A few authors have done this and we thank them for it. The case of our best ale is in the mail. See, we can even be poets. Our romantic sides are horribly overlooked. You don’t think we know anything about flowers? Elves might be the types to dance among the roses, but they have no idea about the perfect soil to keep a plant going. We can even give you a bouquet with enough roots to make them easily placed in the garden instead of left to die in a vase. I don’t care how it’s pronounced, Brocker! And you want to talk about jewelry? Where do you think all the pretty gems come from? It isn’t halflings or humans toiling away in the depths of the earth. So when a dwarf wants to give you jewelry then you know you’re getting the highest quality present.
This isn’t even our biggest issue. We can find love on our own time, but what we can’t do is take the main role of a story. That is the author’s choice and we are routinely refused the title of protagonist. Dwarves get all the other roles, including main antagonist at times. So you think we can be evil bastards and not noble heroes? Well that’s all levels of racist. We are tough and noble warriors with a love of ale, honor, and righting wrongs. I guess we could be casters and priests too. Our people aren’t known for our thief skills, so I’ll give you that. Oh, and stop with the berserker dwarf who dies defending the group from an army. That stereotype is so wrong and ignores the fact that we are cunning tacticians. You act like every dwarf is an angry drunk. Would you like it if I said every human was a horny drunk? No because that’s a generalization and . . . I know most elves are like that, Brocker. Stop ruining my point!
Don’t get us entirely wrong here. We do love our ale, axes, and mining. Not to mention our luxurious beards. Still, that doesn’t mean we should be banned from the juiciest of roles. So next time you’re writing a fantasy story and thinking of a good hero, consider the dwarves. We think our time has come. Yes, we can drink now, Brocker. I guess some of us are the stereotype. Pass me a mug.
Love it. Dwarves are my favorites, and I made one the main character. I’ll watch for delivery of my cask.
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Brocker is on the job. They gave him two since he’ll probably drink one during the trip.
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Good plan. I’ll have Lisa sign for it.
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That’ll be a fun meeting. Now I have this urge to put Brocker in a future story. Maybe with Ichabod.
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Sounds awesome. I had a lot of dwarves in TCOS. I mashed them up with some Greco-Roman fantasy characters to make an interesting mix.
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Interesting combo. Usually people go Norse with dwarves, so it’s nice to see a change.
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I try to bring something different. I called them the Southern Dwarves, but included a more traditional one for contrast and color.
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So was it only the two groups?
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It involved a bunch of peoples who came together over a common cause. Centaurs, Amazons, and more.
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A regular fantasy party. Feel sorry for the race that has to clean up.
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There was a whole battlefield to clean up at one point.
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Have the necromancers do it. They’re good at corpse removal.
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Dang, didn’t have one of those.
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I’m sure one will wander over at some point.
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Handy. My bad guys got fires, and the good guys got jars. (It’s part of the world building. Refer to the book cover.)
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I have this image of two groups chasing each other with torches and sturdy pottery. Then again, my sanity has taken a hit today.
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If by some miracle TCOS sells a quick ten thousand copies, I’ll save that scene for the sequel.
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Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
Love this little piece from Charles 👍😃
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Thanks. Had a lot of fun with it. 🙂
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I could tell 👍😃
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This is s-o-o-o-o entertaining, an easy way to meet the characters. Yeppers! 😀 😀 😀
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Thanks. The dwarves really needed that intro.
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Yup, Charles. They make a great point and you should listen!
Great way to introduce your characters.
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I’ve have to fit them into something now. For no other reason than to earn that case of ale. 🙂
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tee hee…
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Reblogged this on Kate McClelland and commented:
hahaha loved this!
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Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
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It was funny, clever and a different perspective on dwarves that I have ever read before :0)
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They’re happy that you approve and many people agreed with them. 😀
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In one of my stories, I was planning to have evil elven wizards as the antagonists, but I decided to make them dwarves for the sake of variety. But then I did a bit of research and made them humans with dwarfism, because who’s more under-represented than little people? It was something that stretched me and made me learn, and I really want to get that into print one day.
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Interesting transition. I’ve seen a lot of evil or at least ambivalent elves, especially recently. Who was the good guy?
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Laughing too much to type. 🙂
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I’ll take that as a sign of success. Also, sorry about that.
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Apology accepted. I mean, I did have to clean up my keyboard where I laughed so hard I spit on it a little. I know it is gross. Don’t judge me! 🙂
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I’ve been there. There’s always worse like that drink out the nose thing that is about as enjoyable as a lobotomy. So no judging. 😀 (I admit I’m grinning because the new book has these creatures called ‘The Judges’.)
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