A big chunk of an indie author’s life is promoting their books. Whether it’s available or about to come out, you need to spread the word. Yet, sometimes an author might go too far and things begin to unravel. At least mentally.
- Your dreams appear in Twitter form and you are being chased by hashtags. Trending topics fly through the background, most of them either politics or celebrity gossip. The plus side is that you no longer have that nightmare about winning a badminton tournament and realize you’re naked.
- You proudly declare that you made 14 tweets, 3 Facebook promos, 1 blog post, 4 Google+ promos, 2 author interviews, and 10 guest posts before lunch. Thankfully this declaration was on-line. That way nobody knows you failed to shower, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, get dressed, let the dog out, pack a lunch for the kids, get them to the bus, and have invested heavily in adult diapers. Still, each tweet has 4 retweets, so you’re sure it was worth it.
- Your next book is 90% catchy phrases that can be used as promo quotes. The story line is in ruins because every sentence is no longer than 140 characters and you’re pretty sure the characters no longer have personalities. Still, this will make it so much easier to find quotable lines for the marketing campaign. I mean, who has the time to hunt through their own novel for such things?
- You have run out of celebrities to bug on social media for endorsements and send copies of your book to. Some of them still talk to you, but mostly along the lines of threatening further legal action. Good news is that you now have the Guinness World Record for most active restraining orders held at one time.
- After months of promoting the upcoming release, you are finally ready to show it to the world. The cover art is praised and desire is running high. People email you in the hopes of getting an early copy, but you don’t want to risk spoilers being leaked. One more day and you’ll give everyone what they want. Except for one problem: You may have forgotten to write the last of half of the book because you were so busy promoting it. So that’s why your editor kept asking for the real story before saying you aren’t funny and quitting.
- You donated all of the family’s clothes to charity and replaced them with versions that show your book covers and sale links. Sure, it might have been a bad idea to send a 5-year-old into class with a shirt depicting a terrifying zombie. Yet, all of those kids will remember the title and spread the word to their therapists for years. At least that’s what you’re going to tell the Judge looking over the divorce proceedings.
- You do this: