7 Signs You’ve Gone Too Far With Your Advertising

A big chunk of an indie author’s life is promoting their books.  Whether it’s available or about to come out, you need to spread the word.  Yet, sometimes an author might go too far and things begin to unravel.  At least mentally.

  1. Your dreams appear in Twitter form and you are being chased by hashtags.  Trending topics fly through the background, most of them either politics or celebrity gossip.  The plus side is that you no longer have that nightmare about winning a badminton tournament and realize you’re naked.
  2. You proudly declare that you made 14 tweets, 3 Facebook promos, 1 blog post, 4 Google+ promos, 2 author interviews, and 10 guest posts before lunch.  Thankfully this declaration was on-line.  That way nobody knows you failed to shower, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, get dressed, let the dog out, pack a lunch for the kids, get them to the bus, and have invested heavily in adult diapers.  Still, each tweet has 4 retweets, so you’re sure it was worth it.
  3. Your next book is 90% catchy phrases that can be used as promo quotes.  The story line is in ruins because every sentence is no longer than 140 characters and you’re pretty sure the characters no longer have personalities.  Still, this will make it so much easier to find quotable lines for the marketing campaign.  I mean, who has the time to hunt through their own novel for such things?
  4. You have run out of celebrities to bug on social media for endorsements and send copies of your book to.  Some of them still talk to you, but mostly along the lines of threatening further legal action.  Good news is that you now have the Guinness World Record for most active restraining orders held at one time.
  5. After months of promoting the upcoming release, you are finally ready to show it to the world.  The cover art is praised and desire is running high.  People email you in the hopes of getting an early copy, but you don’t want to risk spoilers being leaked.  One more day and you’ll give everyone what they want.  Except for one problem:  You may have forgotten to write the last of half of the book because you were so busy promoting it.  So that’s why your editor kept asking for the real story before saying you aren’t funny and quitting.
  6. You donated all of the family’s clothes to charity and replaced them with versions that show your book covers and sale links.  Sure, it might have been a bad idea to send a 5-year-old into class with a shirt depicting a terrifying zombie.  Yet, all of those kids will remember the title and spread the word to their therapists for years.  At least that’s what you’re going to tell the Judge looking over the divorce proceedings.
  7. You do this:

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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51 Responses to 7 Signs You’ve Gone Too Far With Your Advertising

  1. Oloriel says:

    Charles, I laughed so hard at this, thank you for this post!

    Like

    • Glad you enjoyed it. This was a lot of fun to write. Probably could have kept going too. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oloriel says:

        You should, and if you do, please nudge me, I wanna read it! 😀 It reminds me so much of a list I kept printed for a long time, titled How to know you have been playing 2 much Diablo.

        Like

      • I’ve been there with the first game. Maybe I’ll do a second list down the road. Kind of like this ‘7 Signs’ thing I’ve started up. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oloriel says:

        Thgat sounds awesome, and even more so if you yourself have fun writing it. I think it will also be nice to read it yourself, after you dig it up or encounter it in archives or folders and have a chuckle yourself 😀
        And for old times sake, and to show even though I used to play Diablo 1 a lot I haven’t forgotten it, here is one thing from their list: When your wife hands you the grocery bags, you throw them in the air and yell “I can’t carry anymore!” XD

        Like

      • These posts tend to be only on the blog, so I’d only find it if I wandered the archives. Love that Diablo one. Have any for degrading weapons? Like sharpening a pencil after every sentence to make sure it doesn’t dull.

        Like

      • Oloriel says:

        Hahahaha, can’t recall any! But I do recall the one that said:You go to a party wearing a lampshade on your head, but insist on calling it The Harlequin’s Crest 😀

        Like

      • Loved that thing. There was a ring that I always wanted too. Forgot what it was called.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oloriel says:

        I had two separate sets. Because I am “unique”, I played a barbarian, but I maxed his magic. Still, it was not enough and revisiting Adriene every 2 minutes was boring after a while, so I was hardcore collecting the Sorcerer’s set. I would leave it lying on the ground in front of Deckard, while I go slay in my warrior set 😀

        Like

      • Been a while, but I didn’t think monsters respawned in the original Diablo. I remember it being a thing in Diablo II, which I never finished. The computer crashed and took the game with it. Had a great barbarian with two enchanted axes who destroyed everything in his path. Never felt the same afterwards.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oloriel says:

        I kinda never picked up Diablo II. Most of my friends were fascinated by the PvP and collecting each other character’s ears, while I was mostly craving a good story. After the ending of Diablo one, that, honestly, to a 9 year old, was the best thing I ever seen in a PC game. That twist changed my existence. I found the story of Diablo II not to hold up so well, plus I do not like what they did with some iconic characters (likewise, I do not like that they finished that butchering job in Diablo 3 -_-). There were interesting concepts though, but the feeling was simply not the same as Diablo I, who I even want to re-play now.

        Like

      • Never played PvP. Tried the online thing for the first game and a friend tried to help me out. He hacked me great equipment and said he found it for me. I had no idea and ended up getting auto-killed by someone who accused me of cheating. Needless to say, I didn’t go back out of shame.

        I liked the story of Diablo II. At least as far as I got. Made me think the world was still growing and other adventures could be had. I have no knowledge of Diablo III though.

        Like

      • Oloriel says:

        And this, this one was epic:”You are always extremely nervous while buying your meats, and keep trying to get the man behind the counter to chase you towards the subway entrance. ” Damn Butcher, it took many hours of farming to be able to one shot him!

        Like

      • He was always a pain. Though I remember stumbling onto the trick to him fairly early. Find a grating and get him to come at the other side. Then fire away until dead. I tended to do archer a lot.

        Like

  2. This would have been hilarious if it weren’t so very true. (Actually, I both laughed and cried.) I had a note pad by my computer as I wrote my last, jotting down those sentences that would make good tweets. This is the new way of the industry.

    Like

  3. I think I understand this one after the month of March.

    Like

  4. Based on a true story. The names have been changed to promote the innocent, though.

    Like

  5. Pingback: 7 Signs You’ve Gone Too Far With Your Advertising — Legends of Windemere | Here there Be Dragons!

  6. L. Marie says:

    Hilarious! (And truthful.)
    I remember The Critic with much love!

    Like

  7. LOL. I loved #2 and the fact he editor said “you’re not funny and quit.” Great stuff.

    Like

  8. Jan Hawke says:

    Reblogged this on Jan Hawke INKorporated and commented:
    #1 is scary – although I’m just dream-checking my hyperlinks work, I swear!

    Like

  9. jowensauthor says:

    Reblogged this on Jeanne Owens, author and commented:
    Hahaha! These are hilarious! Thankfully I’m not that far gone yet, and I haven’t turned into Jay Sherman…yet.

    Like

  10. Micki Peluso says:

    This was hilarious,,especially on the last day I have to promote my book on sale. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

    Like

  11. Elle Knowles says:

    Reblogged this on Finding Myself Through Writing and commented:
    Advertising – It’s a self- publishing authors way of life . What can we say? Maybe this explanation from Charles will help you to understand…~Elle

    Like

  12. Reblogged this on Kate McClelland and commented:
    Hahaha – Funny

    Like

  13. Reblogged this on Don Massenzio's Blog and commented:
    Fun post about advertising your work that has a ring of truth to it.

    Like

  14. Lol.
    It’s a crazy game this writing lark.
    Nice videos too btw. 🙂

    Like

  15. This is great really enjoyed this post. 🙂

    Like

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