August Interview: Yola Biggs the Chaos Goddess

Yola Biggs by Kayla Matt

Yola Biggs by Kayla Matt

  1. If you had the choice of any occupation, what would you actually like to be?
    .
    I’d want to be a jellyfish.  Just float around the ocean and stinging things.  Nyder says I’d be good at that because they don’t have brains.  I think he means I’d be a really smart jellyfish.
    .
  2. Do you have any hobbies that you would like to be able to spend more time on?
    .
    I would like to get back into painting.  The Baron made me stop when I colored the castle an ugly yellow that made the entire continent sick.  Then I tired sculpting, but people got angry when I rearranged their bones and organs.  Nobody understands true art.  All they do is yell ‘Don’t do that, Yola! My liver doesn’t bend that way, Yola!’  I put everyone back the way they were before.  Only two casualties, which is a record.
    .
  3. What’s your favorite meal?
    .
    There is a vendor in Gaia that sells these folded sandwiches.  They have lettuce, spiced meat, a creamy sauce, tomatoes, and onions.  The wrapper he gives with the mediocre sandwich is delicious.
    .
  4. Do you play any musical instruments–if so, what? If you don’t, what would you like to play?
    .
    I can sneeze all of the ancient songs.  There’s also this thing called a panpipe that I can play when I don’t feel well.  Trinity says those periods are when I’m normal, but I’m pretty sure it’s a chronic disease.
    .
  5. Is there any one in particular that you wish you didn’t have to be around?
    .
    That person over there.  Not you.  The woman with the . . . what kind of shirt is that?  It doesn’t matter.  Go away.
    .
  6. Have you ever been strongly attracted to someone and it never developed?
    .
    In my youth, I shared a room with a handsome young man.  We were joined at the hip until we were forced to separate.  Wait.  What do you mean twin brother in the womb doesn’t count?  That’s what the person meant?  Well that’s just sick.  I’d never feel that way about my brother.
    .
  7. Are you surprised about what you have become? Is this what you expected when you were a child?
    .
    Nope.  I’ve always been what I am.  Though getting kicked out of my home and having to hide was a shock.  Go search for The Merchant of Nevra Coil to find out more about that.  It might be out by now.  We do these things a month early.
    .
  8. What is your biggest fear?
    .
    Leaving home without my legs, cuttlefish, that monkey with his eyes covered, and the threat of being sealed in a bubble where I can sense the world without interacting for all eternity.
    .
  9. If you could change places with another person in Windemere, who would it be and why?
    .
    There’s a gnome currently sitting in the most blissful cross breeze.  The sky is perfect and they’re drinking something called a lemonade.  Be right back.  *switches places with gnome for a minute and returns with two glasses of lemonade*  I may have left a tiny windstorm there because I was in a rush.
    .
  10. What makes you happy?
    .
    Everything!
    .
  11. What does teamwork mean to you?
    .
    Something important?  I’ve never really been part of a team, so I couldn’t say.  Gods and goddesses are more solo acts that happen to work alongside each other.  They do occasionally work together, but nobody ever wants to partner up the Chaos Goddess.  I guess being the one who does whatever random thought comes into her mind has a downside.  That downside is people simply never learn how much fun I can be.
    .
  12. How would you define honor?
    .
    As a noun it means high esteem, esteem, or privilege.  As a verb it means to regard someone with great respect or fulfill an obligation.
    .
  13. What’s the best way to hunt monsters?
    .
    With a helmet made of meat, a barbeque sauce cologne, and underwear made out of bacon.  That way you’re working on an even playing field.  After all, the monsters don’t have swords.  They have claws, teeth, various poisons, some breathe fire, wings, and a variety of other deadly skills.  None of them have swords.  Well, some undead have swords.  What about inviting them to dinner and being nice?
    .
  14. What’s your first response when someone makes you really, really mad?
    .
    Turn them into a watermelon.
    .
  15. What’s it like working for Charles?
    .
    He pays me in gummy bears.

Check out more of Yola Biggs in
LEGENDS OF WINDEMERE

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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16 Responses to August Interview: Yola Biggs the Chaos Goddess

  1. For me, it was the concept behind “What makes you happy?” “Everything” that sells Yola.

    She reminds of the following Zen story:

    “One day God took the form of a human male, in order to walk through the world and see how His children were faring. He soon came upon an old monk who had spent his entire adult life in severe bodily mortification and forceful mental disciplines.

    The monk had gained a certain degree of clarity of his senses from his prolonged practice and realized that the man casually walking by his cave was fully established in awareness of the inner Divine Self.

    Painfully unwinding his body from his rigid posture, he bowed before God and said, “Great-
    Souled One! I perceive you are an illumined master. Pray tell me, honorable sir, how long it will take me before I realize my inner Divine Nature?”

    God smiled warmly and replied, “You are doing well! At your present rate of progress, you will
    realize your inner Divine Self with just one more lifetime of similar effort.”

    The monk, terrified, cried out, “Another lifetime of this horror?! How can I endure this boredom,
    this agony, this pain for another day, let alone another lifetime! How horrible! You have cursed me this day! Begone from this place, you impostor! Never would I believe such as you.”

    God smiled lovingly at him and walked on, soon coming upon an idiot splashing in the river, laughing and singing. This woman’s primary activity every day was to cry out, “God! How I love God! God! I love God! God!”

    She never took the slightest care for her physical needs, never cared if she were fed, clothed, housed. She never noticed if she were clean or dirty, hot or cold, wet or dry. She might have been locked up in a padded cell in our modern age, but in those days, people saw that she was harmless and therefore tolerated her and occasionally gave her a crust of bread or some old, half-rotten fruits or vegetables to eat.

    This idiot was attracted by the radiance of this handsome stranger, so she came up out of the water, bowed before him and said, “How wonderful! God has sent by a Great-Souled One. I have been enjoying myself so much of late I had nearly forgotten I have a goal. I began my quest to realize enlightenment long ago, but of late have become distracted by this constant joy welling up inside. Seeing you just now reminded me of my journey and I was wondering if you could tell me how long it will be before I realize my inner Divine Nature?”

    God smiled warmly and replied, “You are doing well! At your present rate of progress, you will
    realize your inner Divine Self with just seventy more lifetimes of similar effort.”

    “Seventy lifetimes of similar effort!” cried out the idiot with perfect joy. “How wonderful! What a flawless boon you have today bestowed upon me!”

    The idiot was so filled with joy at the prospect of another seventy lifetimes of such bliss that the last doubt fled from her mind; her last question melted into the joy that was her life; her ignorance was irrevocably crushed; she attained the highest state of enlightenment instantly.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love Yola, she’s hilarious. I enjoyed all the answers, but the fact you pay her in gummy bears is genius! I imagine she is both highly entertaining, and occasionally frustrating to work with 😀

    Like

  3. She is the best. I loved her answers. Is her panpipe made out of porcelain?

    Like

  4. Kev says:

    Reblogged this on Kev's Great Indie Authors and commented:
    What a wonderful way of sharing more about your characters… love this piece from Charles Yallowitz! Welcome to Kev’s Rollover Sunday, Charles!

    Like

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