Dragons Crown Characters
(The picture was picked because I found it so weird and bizarre. I truly have no idea what’s going on there with the body types. Just plain strange and almost nightmarish.)
With the release of Ichabod Brooks & the City of Beasts, I introduced readers (hopefully I have some of those) to a character who works with rules. Ichabod has a code that is more about business than adventuring, but it gets him through his job. This has made me think about the various games I’ve been in and how adventuring works in fantasy. So here are some fun pieces of advice:
- DO remember to bring rope. You never know when you’ll need it and it’s very versatile. Maybe you need to make a snare to catch a rabbit. Maybe you need to hogtie a goblin and get information about a lost treasure. Perhaps the female Paladin you have your eye on has that kind of fetish. Rope is an adventurers friend.
- DO NOT forget to pack clothes. Of course the Dungeonmaster says it’s fine to save money and travel lightly. He/she doesn’t care and already sees the ‘public exposure’ storyline forming. So unless you’re character is a nudist, at least pack some pants.
- DO be careful with your spells. Yes, you! Being a fount of destructive energy is great and helps your friends win battles. But those fireballs are pretty big and the warrior in group is already in the fray. So try to aim the thing to only hit the bad guys. Unless you have no attachment to the warrior and are sick of his gloating. I don’t care how many wenches you can bench press, Kyle!
- DO NOT pee in the magic wishing well. Seriously, this is disgusting and whatever spirit is inside will be angry.
- DO try to remember to bring water into the desert. There is not an oasis every two miles like the map you bought for ten rubies says. In fact, you’re looking at the local tavern’s children’s menu. Everybody should bring at least 4 waterskins to be safe and try to get a camel.
- DO NOT kill the camel and try to get water out of the hump. They don’t work that way.
- DO remember to take care of your weapons and restock ammunition. Things break and you want to make your gear last as long as possible. Learn a few basic maintenance skills for the road and make friends with a blacksmith for the discount. Note: Courting and marrying his daughter for a better discount may result in an end to your adventuring career.
- DO NOT trust the group thief with the communal funds and magic items. Sure, he’s kind of honest since he’s upfront about his career. Yet, you notice he has better gear than everyone and hasn’t paid for a drink in months. Come to think of it, you’re not sure that bag of sapphires you earned after defeating a vampire troll really fell into the lake. That would explain his new magic boots.
- DO play nice with others. These are people who will face danger with you. A bond will be forged if you let it and not come off as a backstabbing jerk. Learn to share the loot and credit. Also try to memorize a list of favorite things in case you do mess up and have to apologize. Accidents do happen.
- DO NOT be a jackass to the priestess. That’s the healer and you’re going to need to be on her good side. In other words, DO NOT insult her deity, DO NOT ask what she’s wearing under the robe, DO NOT use her holy symbol as a back scratcher, DO NOT steal her holy wine, and whatever else you’re thinking of doing to her. You just might push her to a point where letting you die is worth the penance she has to do toward her god or goddess.
- DO remember to tip your bartender.
- DO NOT assume that all tavern waitresses are horny wenches. You’re still getting charged for the ale that gets dumped on your head.
- DO remember to get as much information about your adventure as you can. Know about the monsters, history, and whatever else you can get before you leave. Good preparation can be the difference between victory and searching for a priest who knows resurrection, regeneration, and curse removal.
- DO NOT use smaller adventuring companions as shields or projectiles. The hell is wrong with you?
Legends of Windemere 
This is great advice, Charles.
When I was little, I always carried an extra belt and a carrot – I always hoped to meet a stray horse (in the city!). 😀
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Aww. That sounds adorable! How nice of you to be prepared.
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Did you ever meet a stray horse? I’d prepare for rogue rabbits too. Seriously, we have those around my neighborhood.
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My dream never came true – despite the carrot.
There aren’t too many rabbits in the neighbourhood, there’s too much traffic…
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Next time, try sugar cubes. 🙂
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All very good advice, especially number 7, 12, and 13. Some of the tavern help carry knives or at least can signal others who carry knives. 🙂 But what about plants? Should the adventurer know which plants are good to eat or have healing properties versus those that are poisonous?
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They may carry knives, but they have to be careful. Getting a reputation for stabbing customers won’t help. Incidents that get repeated tend to get exaggerated. Damn, bards.
Guess the plants depend on the type of adventurer. Rangers, shamans, druids, priests, and mages tend to know these things. Then again, you can always settle for being pure carnivore.
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Ha ha! I’m picturing a bard getting shanked.
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Probably an occupational hazard.
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Rules to live by. Gave me some laughs!
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Good to hear. 😀
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Lol – great advice. You can tell that Ichabod’s a cool kind of guy…
For some reason, #1 reminded me of the importance of carrying a towel with you.
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They really should include towels in D&D stores. Odd thing is that every adventurer/player has an item that they MUST buy. Some are standard like rope, waterskin, whetstone, etc. Then there are those like a friend who always needed to buy some bars of soap.
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Lol – I’d probably get a toothbrush 😀
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As a surprise weapon? 😛
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Oh, absolutely! “Nobody move! I’ve got a toothpick!”
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And then the dragon laughs, grabs you, and says ‘Now I have one.’
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ROFL – *burp*
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So much fun. Is there a travel agent I can call?
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Several, but some of them may be ogres in disguise. Common trick. Stick with the gnomes since they provide reasonable accident insurance packages. Never know when something will go boom.
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If you don’t get the package you have an accident. Right?
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Nah. Gnomes aren’t mean. They just know their track record and want your loved ones to be taken care of. 😉
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Nice
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Now that I think about it, they get explained in Book 8. 😀 A lot of gnome fun in there.
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Okay.
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Ha ha. Some wisdom and a few laughs in there, Charles.
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Thanks. 🙂
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I would want you to be my guide in the apocalyptic wilderness. 😉
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Not sure I could be much help if there aren’t dragons or goblins out there. Zombies aren’t my forte. 😉
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Reblogged this on CrazyEnoughToWrite and commented:
Sound advice!
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Thanks for the reblog. 🙂
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Great advice for all us travelers in the fantasy realm. My favorite is #8. 🙂
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Group thieves are always tricky. Gets even worse if you have a Paladin around.
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Ha this reminds me a bit of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy — had a chuckle! Clearly ‘don’t be a jackass to the priestess’ is official fantasy jargon 😉 number 14 is my favourite though
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Now that people mention it, I can see the resemblance. And I’ve seen both the priestess rule and the small adventuring companion rule in practice. Funny for one side, but not for the other.
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I laughed so hard at those tips, I think I might have bruised something! But aside from your wonderful humour, it’s really useful so thank you for that too 😀
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You’re welcome and I recommend an ice pack. 😀
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lol! On it 😀
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Bring along a few small critters, if you have room. Something like a chicken or rabbit. Chickens give eggs, plus if you suspect a trap you can chase it down the hall ahead of you. Chickens are very useful!
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I’m having flashbacks to the Legend of Zelda series. Beat on a chicken and the flock swoops in to destroy you without a second thought.
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This is great stuff Charles…and the advice about not peeing in the magic wishing well is great I guess I’ll have to be more careful from now on. 🙂
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That’s a ‘true’ story from a D&D game. One of the players decided to break that rule and an imp showed up to toss him off a cliff.
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Great stuff. D&D is a game I never played though at one time I did want to try it.
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A lot of it comes down to the group that you’re in. You have to work off the imagination of others, so you need chemistry. I’ve been in great groups that created fantastic adventures and others that were so obsessed with numbers that you’d think we were doing math homework. Obviously, I preferred the first choice. 😀
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Of course, worrying about the numbers would just take the fun out of it and in the end that’s what it’s all about.
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True. Though some people do take fun from getting the biggest numbers.
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What a great list, Charles. *Hey! By the way, thanks for the sign-up!* This was timely advice indeed, I’m about to send my crew on their adventure offshore in the planned sequel to the series I’m writing, ‘The Chronicles of Aden Weaver’, and I really hadn’t thought of ‘pants’! 🙂
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Glad you enjoyed it. Pants are always overlooked for some reason. Hope your crew has a grand adventure.
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Reblogged this on Kung Fu Space Barbarian.
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Thanks for the reblog.
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