Test Scene: Clyde’s Monster

(Wrote this off what came into my head yesterday.  Glad to get feedback even though context might be a problem.)

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Alucard and Father Andersen from Hellsing

Bathed in the red energy of his Lord’s Rage, Clyde’s punch hits Alan Stryker in the jaw with enough force to puncture a mountain. The sound of impact echoes throughout the valley.  Yet, the towering man does not budge an inch with Clyde’s fist pushed against his chin. A victorious grin is on Alan’s face, which enrages the vampire, who kicks him in the side to no effect. The roiling, blood-like energy around Clyde dissipates as he takes a calming breath.

“Is that all you have?” Alan asks, stepping away from Clyde and wiping dirt off his chin. “I expected more from the great dawnfang progenitor. You’re feared all over Windemere for your power and ferocity. It must kill you to know I barely felt your blows.”

Clyde flexes his shoulders and circles the muscular man, patiently looking for an opening. The problem is that he sees nothing, but openings. Alan shows no sign of wanting to block any attack that is thrown at him.  As the vampire moves behind Alan, the powerful man vanishes and reappears next to him. The fist is within inches of hitting Clyde in the back when he fades from sight like a mirage.

“You’re faster than I expected,” Clyde admits, materializing out of Alan’s reach. “Where did you come from?”

“A toy you left behind and nothing more,” Alan replies, closing the distance in a heartbeat. He grins at the way Clyde’s muscles tense. “Do you realize that you can’t win?”

“I’ll choke you to death with my own intestine if I have to,” Clyde growls. He leaps back when Alan raises his hand, but the large man only scratches his brown-haired head. “I don’t lose.”

“I see,” Alan curiously whispers. Spinning on his heel, he turns his back on Clyde and tucks his hands into his pockets. “Then, I won’t damage your record just yet. I retreat from the battle, so you win by default. Until our next encounter, Clyde. I hope you’re as powerful as your reputation by then.”

Alan grins as Clyde’s friends move out of his way, the nervous vampires eying him until he is out of sight. Lost bounces on her heels, hugging her stuffed bunny tight to her chest. She calms down when Titus puts a comforting hand on her head, gently guiding her back to the castle. He is about to say something to Mab, but stops when he sees that her claws are out. He follows her gaze to Clyde, who is still standing where Alan left him.

“What’s wrong?” Titus asks his sister, keeping out of reach of her claws.

“I’ve never seen that on his face,” she softly answers.

Titus squints and strains his eyes in the midday sunlight. “Your eyes are better than mine, so you’ll have to explain.”

“Clyde’s scared,” Mab says, turning to leave.

 

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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24 Responses to Test Scene: Clyde’s Monster

  1. VOID RPG Admin says:

    This was fun to read.

    Like

  2. sknicholls says:

    Has Clyde met his match…or is this someone who could actually become an ally? I don’t know the context, but you have roused my curiosity A fun read.

    Like

    • This guy is going to be a villain/challenge. Originally, Alan Stryker was a vampire hunter who would show up in each book. Every time he would appear with new abilities and get beaten within an inch of his life by Clyde. I might keep that for a bit and have him appear as the main villain in this book. Clyde is going to ‘disappear’ to find an ancient training area for vampires in order to gain the power to beat Stryker. While he’s gone, Stryker is going to take over his territory and enslave his friends. His belief is that while he wants to make Clyde suffer, killing his few friends might be a tactical error.

      Like

      • sknicholls says:

        That is so cool. Now I feel like I know more about what is going on. You have such a quickly creative mind. I envy that. I have a WIP and it moves so slowly for me.

        Like

      • I leap around a lot. Honestly, the biggest issue is that Clyde’s story is sitting in the middle of a notebook. So, I have to figure out how to add this story into the mix. I’ve noted up Alan Stryker’s page, so I hope that’s enough.

        Like

      • sknicholls says:

        I will get you hooked on Scrivener yet, huh? It really is so cool. Simplifies so very much. Takes a bit of adjustment if you are a linear writer (like me), but I could see it being valuable in many ways to the fantasy writer with so many worlds, scenes, and characters to keep up with.

        Like

      • I prefer to do my notes and pre-writing stuff on paper. It’s a nervous quirk. Way back in college, I lost ALL of the digital information for Legends of Windemere . . . twice. I got tired of rewriting the info and being terrified that it would crash and then the saved file would be corrupted.

        Like

      • sknicholls says:

        I understand that fear. I back up everything as I go along (drives my husband crazy), but I am so paranoid and fearful of losing something important. Just recently became more trusting. Hoping that wasn’t a mistake.

        Like

      • If you have a few back ups then it should be fine. I’m a lot more paranoid though. Maybe I’ll get over it one day.

        Like

  3. I enjoyed this very much, you are showing Clyde’s vulnerability in preparation for a battle royal in a later scene I suppose. I like that the hero is showing some cracks in his previously impenetrable armor.

    Like

    • That’s what I was going for. Up until now, he’s been tough and confident. As Mab said, she’s never seen him scared. Clyde is a tough one to give vulnerability to, but I’m going to try for at least this book.

      Like

  4. I really liked this Charles. You could feel the tension at the end as Clyde and then Mab realized that Alan could hurt and/or beat him. Nice job.

    Like

  5. fast paced and effective storytelling, I am itrigued. nicely done, Charles 🙂

    Like

  6. annotating60 says:

    Charles I may not be into ‘fantasy’ genre but I do read historical naval fiction in which there are many fights. That being said I found the action you were portraying hindered by the dialogue, Instead of a battle being fought between these two characters it seems more like a taunting conversation between the two. It’s as if they were beating on each other but knew it was only a game. It just wasn’t believable for me. >KB

    Like

  7. ioniamartin says:

    I love the line “Is that all you have?” That made me feel like I was the one in the middle of the fight.

    Like

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