Ionia has requested that I tell the squirrel story. I have a few, but I believe this is the one she’s talking about. If anything, this is the one that comes to my mind first.
In college, I was in charge of the fencing club. Trust me, this is part of the story. We had finished a meeting and were heading to the dining hall for the delectable college cuisine that undoes any exercise you did that day. Now, one of our members was a good, authentic New York redneck and he knew how to hunt. He also didn’t want the college food, so he was talking about hunting something down with his bare hands. Anyone else, I would think he was joking. This guy meant it.
Enter the squirrel.
This chubby grey squirrel was sitting by a dumpster, minding her own business. She made the mistake of not running away when the first members of our party came close. Our hunter saw the opportunity and swore he could catch it with his bare heads. He explained the catch and kill to us. The twins of our group said he couldn’t do it. The rest of us weren’t really paying attention. We turned around to see the hunter stalking the squirrel.
Ever see something happen and it takes a few seconds after the event to process it? Well, that happened here. The hunter ran around, the squirrel was gone, and one of the twins was doubled over in pain. I had no choice, but to stand there and say ‘What the hell just happened?’
What happened was comedy. The hunter chased the squirrel and thought he had it cornered against the dumpster. It bounced off the dumpster, soaring out into the air where the hunter could snatch it easily. The only way to save itself would be an impossible mid-air turn. Well, it accomplished this by ricocheting off one of the groin of one of the twins. Yeah, he got groin-kicked by a squirrel.
So, there we were with our fencing gear. An annoyed hunter yelling at an escaped squirrel, a guy whimpering about get low blowed by a squirrel, and the victorious squirrel sitting in a tree watching us with disdain.
That’s the squirrel story.
Legends of Windemere 
OMG! That was soooooo funny! Full points for the squirrel! 😀
LikeLike
It was the victor that day.
LikeLike
Sure was!
LikeLike
And was there beer involved?????
LikeLike
Surprisingly not. Maybe some post-fencing adrenaline, but this guy was always trying to catch squirrels for food. The dorm had a warning sign that we put up outside the kitchen if he was cooking his catch.
LikeLike
I don’t think I could eat a city squirrel…not to sound prejudice or anything. I was shooting squirrels off my Grandmother’s front porch with a .22 before the age of four. We would skin them and flour them and fry them up for breakfast. I have been an avid hunter most of my life. Those plump squirrels were fed out on tree nuts, pecans and peanuts, not garbage.
LikeLike
I went to college in upstate New York, so this was a partially country squirrel. Well, probably a college squirrel, so you couldn’t drive after eating it.
LikeLike
Hahaha…frat house squirrel mascot! I knew a guy once had a pet raccoon named Rocky and a couple of flying squirrels we all kept stoned. I am writing about that in one of my WIPs.
LikeLike
I’m intrigued and focused entirely on the stoned squirrels.
LikeLike
shotgunned and I don’t mean with a rifle
LikeLike
Wow. Crossing you off the sweet and innocent list.
LikeLike
It was a long time ago in another life…I am sweet…but maybe not as innocent as I may come across.
LikeLike
Just smile and never let them see you plotting.
LikeLike
see new post…I have let the squirrel out of the bag! OOps! I am sort of known for letting the cat out of the bag…you should have heard my family when I told everyone in town that my Uncle in Fl had a nudist resort NOT an oil company….
LikeLike
Ha! Didn’t know there was money in nudist resorts.
LikeLike
They gross three million a year…wish it was mine. It was the first nudist resort in Fl, opened in 1964 http://cypresscoveresort.com/
LikeLike
I’ll just . . . do I really want to click that? 😀
LikeLike
Sure it is innocent enough. It is a family resort all about R&R not sex. Aunt and Uncle bought a trailer park on a lake, 300 acres, bunch of beatniks ran around smoking pot and getting naked…county commissioners said “Put up a fence or run them out!” Aunt, being the visionary that she was, put up a fence, and now it is a five star, sunbather’s association ANNR and TNS recognized resort.
LikeLike
Nice. Take those opportunities when they come.
LikeLike
This tops any squirrel story I’ve heard. Amazing! And I thought my friends’ story of the squirrel that broke into their apartment was good. No. This is better!
LikeLike
The college kind of had a story like that. Only it was a deer and it got into the second floor computer lab. We think it was working on a term paper.
LikeLike
Oh, the mental image of this has made my day! Thanks for sharing! 😀
LikeLike
You’re welcome. Glad to be of service.
LikeLike
Hahahahaha!
LikeLike
Hopefully that was the last of his big game hunting. LOL! Foiled by the Jackie Chan of squirrels. Great story. 🙂
LikeLike
He kept going. It was in his blood. The twins learned to not be anywhere near him when he went hunting.
LikeLike
Smart move on their part, the groin shot did its job.
LikeLike
Ninja squirrel strikes again – that is a great story! Thanks for sharing, Charles!
LikeLike
You’re welcome. Thank Ionia for demanding it.
LikeLike
Nuts!
LikeLike
We kept that joke going for a week with that guy. He wasn’t happy with us.
LikeLike
Okay let me process this. Some guys in fencing gear decide to capture a squirrel and one is taken out by Ninja Squirrel. The story is funny but the real funny part is how this story came up in conversation between you and Ionia? Huh….readers want to know. I mean were you talking fencing, squirrels or nuts? Huh
LikeLike
We didn’t have the on. We were leaving the class and everything was packed away. Well, the hunter guy was wearing his gear for some reason. He always did.
We were talking about squirrels.
LikeLike
Pamela made me do it. She asked me.
LikeLike
Throwing your ally under the bus. 😉
LikeLike
Groin-kicked by a squirrel.
That would make a great title for a novel.
🙂
LikeLike
Ninja squirrels FTW!
LikeLike
Definitely. We called it Matrix Squirrel for a while.
LikeLike
That’s the equivalent of us aussies eating possums. Maybe some do but I’ve never heard of it.
All squirrel comments from now on will have even more meaning.
LikeLike
I never ate squirrel and have no interest in it. Not sure I would try possum. They look gross.
LikeLike
Ha! Love it! Glad the squirrel was the victor.
LikeLike
It definitely earned that win.
LikeLike
That’s a crazy story and crazily funny 🙂 Had a good laugh !!
LikeLike
Thanks. Glad it translated well. I’m never sure which of my stories you had to be there for.
LikeLike