I think I came up with an amazing line last night, but in the morning, I’m no longer sure. It still sounds great, so I wanted to toss it out there for a second opinion. This is said by the Lich at the end of a scene. For those that don’t know, a Lich is an undead (think zombie, but with speech and spells) spellcaster.
“Death can never claim a Lich. He loves us far too much.”
It sounds great, but I’m not really sure if it makes as much sense as I think.
Legends of Windemere 
Makes sense. I like it, and I think it shows a lot about the character. Though what it shows depends on the scene – could be cockiness, could be just a general affinity with death. Sometimes, the sleep deprived lines are the best ones.
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I probably should have put more of the scene in there. That seems to be confusing everyone. The Lich is preparing for a fight that could destroy him, so he’s made a plan of resurrection. As long as it works.
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I like the sentiment, but it’s a little awkward in the phrasing. I’d say leave it in, but maybe see if there’s a way to make it more poetic. (I think that a personified Death should always be spoken of and to poetically.)
For example, I wrote in one of my stories:
“For so long a willing manservant, Death has become a timid bridegroom. He has entered my chambers, yet he hesitates to consummate matters with his kiss. Perhaps we know each other too well, there will be no mystery to this meeting, no romance, simply a matter of business to be conducted.”
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I had something like that, but the character isn’t very poetic, so it felt kind of strange. For a villain, he’s rather crass and blunt at times.
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Fair enough. It does make the point.
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Thanks. Do you find that poetic word usage works better with dialogue or narration?
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Me personally? I tend to make my dialog prosaic and try to confine my flights of poetry to the narration.
However, reading over what I wrote here I realized that I was engaging in a false equivalence–I was equating a particular setting with particular stylistic elements. There is no reason that the time and place you set your novels requires you to write in a particular style. In fact, off the top of my head I can think of a couple of epic fantasy novels that I really enjoyed, Glen Cooks “Tales Of The Black Company” and Micheal Shea’s “Nifft The Lean” that are written in an almost aggressively naturalistic style.
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I’ve never noticed the poetic style of modern epic fantasy. I know there’s a flashy eloquence to the word usage, which I do. Never thought of it as poetic though.
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I realize that I haven’t actually read much modern epic fantasy and that I have been stereotyping on the basis of my preconceptions of a genre. Awkward, considering how strident I get on the whole “genre” issue.
And this realization isn’t all that connected to your original question, so I apologize both for pigeonholing your work without actually reading it and for hijacking your blog this way.
It is a good line.
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Well, we can only work off of what know and experience from the genre. I’ve had a few incidents where I thought things were always done one way and I found that the other way is also acceptable. As far as genre goes, I look at it simply as the subject matter instead of the method and style of writing.
No problem with the hijacking. I love having conversations like this. Lively discussions are the only way to learn some times. I really appreciate you telling me your opinion and bearing with my debating.
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I do not think it means what you think it means…. Just kidding!
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Inconceivable!
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It’s an interesting sentiment, if you assume the act of dying means death hates you. I think the sentence itself is fine. Oftentimes I find shorter phrases more chilling than longer, poetic ones. Leaves more to the reader’s mind. Sometimes the poetry is fine, but I think in this case, keep it short. It explains what it needs to explain, and if short and to the point is your style, keep it that way.
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That’s what I was thinking. Originally, I had a longer speech and it didn’t feel right. It felt too direct actually. This is a little more mysterious and vague, which works for a villain.
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I really like it. Although it does depend on the context in which you place it. I think that as long as you set up it up well then it’s great… it actually feels as if it could be the first line or the last line of a novel.
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Well, the context is that he just set up something that will help him come back to life if destroyed. Liches have a habit of coming back from the dead.
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Then I think it works well… stick with it. It’s beautifully concise and has that feeling of being a little bit profound and deep. I guess that’s why I also thought it would work well as a first or last line.
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It is the last line of a chapter scene, so you’re right.
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I got that a Lich could avoid death by trying harder since he loves. If that is it you have it.
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Interesting. Loves what exactly?
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you said “us” but I didn’t have the us identified
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Oh. Sorry about that. I meant Liches in general. The character is speaking about his kind, which I might have to make clearer somehow.
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I liked it – I interpreted it that, as an undead thing, Death loves the element of itself in the mortal world, and would not want to take it away. Considering that my D&D experience is limited to Neverwinter Nights, I may be interpreting it wrong, though!
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I’m really not sure I’m implying in there, but that does sound like a good interpretation.
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Cool! My son, who knows the whole D&D thing more, told me that the line is good. From the mouth of babes.
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Even better. Always nice to hear that from a fellow gamer. Okay, I’m retired from the sport, but close enough.
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It sounds like something you need to explore. It’s a great line.
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It’s the end of the chapter section I wrote yesterday and a piece of foreshadowing. I’m kicking myself for not explaining things better.
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Okay. I’m just catching up on my blog reading. I’ll check that out.
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I’m not catching up with mine today. I think this is a weekend of never getting to my WordPress reader.
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Okay. My brain is catching up with me finally. Glad you’re exploring that.
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I like it. It’ll be clearer when read in context to know the speaker is a Lich himself.
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Yeah. That context thing is killing me here. I should have just tossed up the full scene.
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if this line is put in the right context it can have great effect… if however it is used inappropriately it can come off as corny… to be honest upon first read I didn’t really like it… then I reread it and I could see how it could be used to create a real good effect… it all depends on how you build to this line… and what you are trying to infer or foreshadow…just my opinion…
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Thanks. I should have explained more, but I’m fighting something, so my brain isn’t working right.
Basically, the Lich is heading toward a battle that he’s been set up to lose. Before saying the line, he does something with a ring and sends it magically flying away. He hints that the ring is the key to him being resurrected at some point since he might be destroyed in the coming battle.
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I pretty much figured that
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The lack of explanation or being sick? If you caught onto the being sick part then I’m a lot worse than I thought.
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I think you mentioned it in one of your recent posts (being sick) and I kind of inferred on my own where you might go with the line…
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Got it. I’ve a lesson from this post. Single lines of dialogue don’t mean much without context. Live and learn.
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I’m a big fan of one-liners (they make up 90% of Pharun’s dialogue) and I think that this is a good one, it just needs a little tweaking. Try for a little spice – something terribly clever, unexpected, and horrifying. from a usually straightforward villain.
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I can try for clever. I’m getting the sense from a lot of people that context would have helped here. Still, I can see where I can go with this. The context is that the Lich has been set up by one of his allies to fail and he can’t think of a way to ‘survive’ the coming battle. He’s just put part of his soul into a ring and cast it into the world, so he can be resurrected at a later date. This is a slight spoiler, but the real surprise is how he comes back and what he does upon his return. I think the Lich is entering my top 10 favorite characters.
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He was already one of my favourites! 😉 I’m excited to see these twists you are talking about.
When it comes down to it, you know your character best – and when they are dying to say something a certain way it’s damn near impossible to stop them.
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This is from book 5, so I have a ways to go. I think part of the reason I’m appreciating the Lich more is because the new villain is a lot meaner and less lovable. I want to throttle him already.
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Great line! You should really use this one, Charles!
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Thanks. I think it’s a keeper. 😀
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I think it’s a great line :3 it’s short, memorable, and menacing.
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Thanks. Actually, I think that was used to describe me in college too. 😀
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hahaha you menacing? I don’t know that I can imagine that – you always seems so friendly!
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Back then, I had a bigger temper and was more bark than bite. My use of creative threats and a sword collection hidden throughout my dorm room give me a reputation. 🙂 Totally unwarranted, but it was fun to use it from time to time.
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hahaha well that’s understandable then!
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Supposedly there is a picture being held by one of my friends of me in mid-rage and somebody is standing behind me with a word bubble that says ‘Charles Smash!’ I have yet to see this picture, but I remember a friend getting me mad, a camera flash, and then laughter.
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A little confusing when taken out of context. But from reading all the previous comments, I think it works 😛
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Thanks. I’ll put you in the ‘needs context’ group, which is basically everyone.
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The line on its own sounds great and makes sense…guess it depends on context though in terms of how deeply it will resonate. Sorry, that’s probably not much help…. 🙂
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It is. Everyone mentioned context and I’ve now learned to pay attention to that. Now that my fever has broken, I can think clearer.
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Yes, I posted the comment, then read back some of the other comments and realised mine was pretty superfluous, so sorry about that!! 🙂
That will teach me to just read the post, comment, then read the comments later!!!!
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I do the same thing. I’m lazy at times. 😦
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Witt in the face of death, brilliant!
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Thanks. Though, I’m now wondering if I should do a story about how Liches are the children of Death.
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Oh the joys of Fantasy and what does or doesn’t require a novel… I miss it and love being free from it at the same time! 😛
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I’d never leave fantasy. I’m thinking of putting this Lich idea into a blossoming story that deals with immortals.
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Sounds cool! And the zombie market is on the rise at the moment. 😉
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They always need new bodies for the cubicles. Just make sure they pay you in money instead of brains. 😛
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I know a few guys who’d pay good money for brains…
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I think I got this conversation mixed up with the job one we were starting to have on your blog. It’s one of those days.
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Yeah I noticed after I replied! Considering it’s nearly 2am over here, I’ve the excuse. 😉
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I have no excuse 9pm here and I’m no longer fighting a fever, so my head is clear.
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It could make sense. Why does Death love Lichs – is the question I think of next. Which could be good!
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It makes more sense in context is what I’ve gathered. Since a Lich is an undead spellcaster that has more methods of returning to life than a comic book hero, it’s implied that Death prefers to have Lich’s out killing others.
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