I should apologize to you about this morning. I know my 5 miles above the speed limit was getting in the way of your 15-20 miles above the speed limit. I can’t believe I had the gall to be in the far right, slow lane when doing it too. It really must have ruined your morning drive, especially with that open space in the next lane over. You must have felt trapped and terrified. That must be why, when you finally found the courage to go around me, that you cut off one of our fellow drivers. Sure, there was nobody in front of you in the fast lane or in front of him in the middle lane. You also didn’t seem to be racing toward an exit, but I’m sure you have your rational reasons.
I must commend you for your beautiful use of your bright headlights. The way you flicked them on and off for thirty seconds was simply poetic. The only way I could have enjoyed it more is if I was epileptic. You are truly a master of your trade, which I assume is speeding down the parkway in the right hand lane.
I don’t know your know or where you live, but I do want to give you a two prizes. One is simply a title, which is ‘King of the Parkway’. The other is harder because I don’t know how to send it to you. I’m going to need your help. Just following these instructions, my fast-living friend:
- Grab the brightest flashlight in your house.
- Make sure the batteries are working.
- Hold the flashlight a few inches from your face, so you can see it clearly.
- Make sure flashlight is facing you. Otherwise, you’ll just like silly.
- Spend the next 30 seconds turning it on and off while you stare at it.
- Enjoy your prize.
Again, I apologize for ruining your morning speed limit shattering. I certainly deserved to be practically blinded on a twisting, turning road that is infamous for early morning accidents. I hope you enjoy your day and that karma bites you in the Achilles tendon. Good day.
A Fellow Driver