I’m writing this up Thursday night for a few reasons.  First, nothing really important is going to happen on Friday, except for taking my son to a nighttime light display.  I’ll add some pictures to this post before I go to bed, but having it written beforehand will mean I don’t have to stay up late.  I have a haircut Saturday morning too, so I don’t have to wake up early to get this out before the day begins.  Guess that was the second reason, but my point is that I’d rather get this written now then squeeze it in later.

Well, a third reason is that not much progress has been made.  I finished the posts for January and edited a single chapter of Darwin & the Demon Game.  That’s nowhere near what I was hoping to accomplish.  Everything fell apart soon after my post last Saturday went live too.  If I had known what was coming, I’d have . . . Not been able to do a damn thing, which brings me to the bulk of this post.

Let me explain what happened last weekend:

So, I did editing on Saturday and some Pokemon Go like I originally planned.  It was really cold and I was exhausted from work, but I got a rather meaty chapter cleaned up.  Then, I learned that family was coming over on Sunday.  Keep in mind that I live my parents for ‘reasons’ and this means that I have no out for family events.  Well, they were coming over in the morning and I already bought a ticket to a Pokemon event from 2-5 in the afternoon.  There goes the day.  My best friend since 1st grade called and asked me to watch the NY Giants game.  I then found out the family event was going to be somewhere else, so I told him he could come over in the morning (9:30 AM game from Germany).  I figured this would give me time before and after the Pokemon event to get editing done.  It would be Sunday morning that I would learn the plan changed again and family was coming over.  I had no say in any of this beyond agreeing to watch the game with my friend, which haven’t been able to do all season.  I barely had time to do laundry during on Sunday.  By Monday, I got my son and he had schoolwork to do.  Editing was left at whatever I could accomplish Saturday before I realized I lost Sunday.

This type of scenario has been happening many weekends where I don’t have my son.  I’m pulled into plans at the last minute and saying no results in me getting a bunch of grief.  It has repeatedly been suggested that I go to the library to work, but that means I can’t have anything to eat or drink.  It’s also very open at the library now, so I don’t get the sense of privacy that I used to.  Not to mention there have been times in the past where someone has tracked me down there to tell me I’m needed back home.  I can’t go to the park since it’s cold and the wind makes a mess of my manuscript.  My laptop still can’t be closed, so that’s out as well.  In other words, I’m stuck and have to decide between my books and getting a few days of tension.

Another issue is my work hours changed in August/September.  Last school year, we would start around 7:55 and end around 2:26.  Now, we start at 8:25 and end around 2:52, which doesn’t give me a lot of afternoon/evening time.  I can’t sleep in either because my son still has to be at school by 7 AM, so I’m waking up at 5:30 like last school year.  By the time I get home, it’s around 3:15 and we have to do homework, dinner, and a variety of other things.  By the time I get a moment to relax, it’s around 9 PM.  That gives me 30-40 minutes to get ready for bed and MAYBE watch a short TV show.  My anxiety hasn’t been dropping enough most nights for me to avoid the 3 AM panic attack.

You might be wondering why I still have these problems on the nights I don’t have my son with me.  Well, that would be the appointments.  He typically has at least 2 appointments every week.  It’s looking like it will be a minimum of 4 for the rest of the year.  This means every weekday has an appointment for him and I have my own weekly therapy session on Fridays.  There isn’t a single day that I get to leave work, do a little Pokemon while grocery shopping, and go home to relax for a few hours.  If I don’t go to the appointment, I don’t get to voice my opinion or even know what is going on.  So, I have no choice, but to go and continue to wear myself down to a nub.

A final issue that I want to add before I go to the list is the health one.  In 2023, I was improving my health because stress was low and I was able to put time aside each day to relax.  That isn’t the case.  Now, I am hitting the weekends where I don’t have my son with a sense of sickness.  I believe the theory is called ‘leisure sickness’, which is when a person pushes their body for so long that it finally gives in to the stress and weakness once you start to relax.  This results in me feeling lethargic, having sinus issues, lacking energy, and even having trouble regulating my body temperature.  In fact, it usually results in me spending the morning trying to figure out if it’s exhaustion, flu, or Covid because I feel that bad.  By the time I’m better, it’s late afternoon and I may have learned that I won’t have Sunday to finish editing.

That is my life right now and it has been that way for most of the year.  I’m not joking when I say 2024 is the worst year of my life.  Pressure from all corners have made functioning a challenge.  If I only had to deal with one of the big problems, I’d be in better shape.  For example, I could more easily handle the new work schedule if I was dealing with the custody/ex-wife/daily appointments on top of that.  I get no time to let the tension flow away and it keeps building.  It reaches the point where editing is a challenge because my focus and confidence are shot.  Will it improve?  I’m hoping one day, but not in the near future.

So, here’s the goal list and below that should be some pictures:

1. Play Pokemon Go with son this weekend.
2. Stay warm because it’s freezing.
3. Try to edit at least one chapter of Darwin & the Demon Game
4. Accept that I probably won’t because this week is the big finale of the Pokemon Go autumn season.  Special events from 6-7 every weeknight and then big ones from 10-6:15 on the weekends.  Early morning and evenings might be required on the weekend, but I don’t know if I’m going to go crazy.  Maybe raid in the morning for the few Pokemon that I want and then just go shiny hunting for 2 hours in the afternoon.
5. Clean bathroom for Thanksgiving.
6. Choose a dinner to cook for me and my parents next weekend.  The main reason is so that I can bring leftovers in for lunch on Tuesday and avoid McDonalds.
7. Try to think of February blog post ideas.  Maybe do the poems and Tuesday Teasers.
8. Try to figure out if I can add biking to my crazy schedule since it’s too cold to do a lot of walking outside.  Morning and evening are out.  I really hate this time of year when it’s cold all day and gets dark at 4:30 PM.

The pics below are of Lumino City: