Hello and enter! We have so many options for you and are happy that you have chosen us for your shopping. Each of our instruments is carved from the purest of elder woods and core metal. This is where they get their power. Please note that you need to play for at least 30 seconds to complete the summoning. What? Oh, this is for your child’s high school band class. Well, you can still buy an instrument, but we will ask that you sign this waiver and have the teacher contact us. I’m sure they would like to have a few control batons on hand in case of an accident. Now, here is the list and take your time.
- Flute– Calls forth a gentle breeze that smells of strawberries and vanilla. Cracked notes will change scent to boiled liver and sardines.
- Piccolo– Summons a dog-sized lizard that will obey 90% of all commands. Player will turn green and gain pointy ears.
- Oboe– Summons a cat made completely of crossword puzzles. Writing down an answer makes it stronger, but it will explode once all questions are completed.
- Bassoon– Summons a duo of baboons that will protect the musician from all danger until the next sunrise. They will occasionally try to get the bassoon in order to play a note and dispel their partner.
- Ocarina– Summons a fairy that will demand that you listen to everything it says. You will only be able to speak in yells, screams, and grunts until you let her talk.
- Saxophone– Summons a full, spectral jazz band. They won’t allow you to play with them.
- Fife– Summons a cartoon animal that will do your bidding. You must keep playing to maintain control or it will go wild without obeying the laws of physics.
- Bagpipes– Summons a Sasquatch who will have a message from Nessie to stop calling her. He will still run errands for an hour as an apology for her rudeness.
- Recorder– Summons a powerful Chinese dragon to carry you off to a magical land where you will be the guest of honor at a grand feast. (Only works if you play Hot Cross Buns, When the Saints Go Marching In, and Mary Had a Little Lamb without any mistakes.)
- Didgeridoo– Summons a platypus. Nothing magical or special about it. You just get a free platypus.
- Mizmar– Summons a warm rain that will cause flowers to bloom on any wooden surface that is touched. If not stopped within 30 minutes, a desert will appear in a 5 mile radius with the new oasis at its center.
- Xun– Summons a chicken to lay eggs until midnight. Very useful given the price of eggs these days. (The chicken has a 2% chance of being the size of a house and may attempt to eat anything they mistake for corn.)
Legends of Windemere 
This is great! 😊 Love the Bagpipes, especially since I have errands that need to be done. But I wouldn’t mind a free platypus, especially if it is like the platypus of Phineas and Ferb. Because the son of a friend loved Ocarina of Time, he searched for an ocarina at a Ren Faire his family and I attended.
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Don’t think we can afford Perry’s rates. Best we can do is his cousin Erry the echidna. I think you can find functional Ocarinas of Time on Amazon.
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Makes sense. He found one he liked at the Ren Faire, but in case he needs a replacement, he can go to Amazon. 😄
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Fun, Charles. I think getting a platypus would be a good gift .
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As long as the venom isn’t a problem. 😁
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I didn’t know there is venom. 😳
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Yeah. They have venomous spurs on their hind legs. Isn’t fatal, but causes really bad pain and swelling in the puncture site.
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I take it back. No platypus for me.
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That was why I didn’t go for that one.
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I love it. I have a character designed who will have a magical flute. Probably can’t write him for a couple of years, though.
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It’s bittersweet having a character you can’t get to yet.
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A friend of mine plays the didgeridoo. I’ll have to warn him.
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Professionally?
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For fun. He takes it to SF conventions and jams with the filkers and drum circles if they’ll let him.
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For my child’s school band, the flute seems the most innocuous, but given the penchant for cracked notes, it might end up emptying the school hall during concerts.
For myself, though, I would like either bagpipes (A runner of errands would be nice) or a recorder. I fancy the visit to a magical land. I’m sure I could manage one of those without mistakes.
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As long as guest of honor doesn’t mean main course. 😁
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Ooh! I never thought of that.
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