Ouch.

Not a day has gone by between last Saturday and today where there wasn’t some ridiculous drama.  So, I didn’t get any writing or editing done.  Managed to fiddle with some Lego sets and a puzzle, but that was it.  The stinky stuff was flying and it even forced me to take one of my ‘when needed’ anxiety meds to help me sleep.  You know it’s bad when a full dose of Zzzquil doesn’t make a dent.

I can’t really talk about much of what happened in detail.  At work, we had to get back into our regular schedule, but obstacles occurred.  The temptation to let my aching mind and body get a day off was high, but I didn’t want to leave my coworkers in the lurch when we were already strained.  Didn’t think it would look good if I took a day off so soon after a long break too.  Figure I can make it to the weekend where sleep and hydration can push me towards recovery.  Last night, I could feel a familiar ache in my gut and lower back, so I might be bedridden at some point.  As long as it’s over the weekend and doesn’t strike next week.  Friggin’ IBS hasn’t reared its head in well over a year, so I guess it was due to remind me it exists.

The bigger issue was something I had to deal with outside of work.  I feel like I’ve been backed into a corner with a certain situation.  Also that being a person who openly shows his emotions results in me being seen as a monster by those who don’t really know me.  I show my anger and frustration, which makes me an easy target for those with more control to trigger me around others.  Feeling like I’m being poked and prodded like a captured beast until I flip doesn’t help my psyche.  Seeing how other people with less visible, but equally vicious, tempers get a pass because they don’t appear angry causes frustration.  Even when I hold myself back, the few blips get pointed out and I feel like I’m being vilified again.  Having to face this on top of the whirlwind of work and not being able to rest has left me drained.

No idea what I can do about it.  Long ago, I was the type of person who kept his anger on the inside and never talked about it.  That was making my insides feel rotten and I’d lash out when I couldn’t hold it in anymore.  So, I decided to not let the negative feelings get pent up and let people know I was upset.  Sad thing is that only gets people to tell you to stop complaining, grow up, or another comment to minimize my feelings.  Is it any wonder I get confused or even argue with people who try to compliment me or say that my emotions are justified?  Doesn’t say much about my life if comfort and positive comments are practically an alien language.  Then again, I’ve been reading up how this is fairly common among people.  Huh, pretty weird goal post, but my mind is wandering and letting stuff out to clear the weekend.

My only plan for this weekend is to edit as much of Darwin & the Fate Bracelet as possible.  I kept bringing it to work to do some editing, but I never had any time to tinker with it. Maybe next week and hopefully I get far this weekend, which means staving off whatever my guts are attempting to do.  Hydration is key.  Since I’m using a paper copy, I’ll be able to move around the house and give myself a change of scenery from time to time.  Let’s see.  16 chapters and I can typically edit 3 per day, but it might be more since this is the 4th time I’ve gone through it.  Just trying to tighten up any areas that seem flimsy.  Makes for a good January project since I can’t touch Darwin & the Joy Path until February when the ‘life event’ has either ended or hit a new stage.

I was going to say that I won’t get much done this week, but it might end up being the opposite.  Tuesday is going to be messy since that’s the only day to jam in a bunch of appointments and activities.  The rest of the week might not be too bad.  My son is in a special music festival called All County, which requires several late nights at school to rehearse.  That gives me a bunch of afternoons and evenings to do writing and biking after work.  Be great if I can get the editing done and inputted by the end of the month.  Not sure what to do with Darwin & the Fate Bracelet after that since it will still be a while before I can publish.  I was aiming for end of summer anyway.  Guess I can start writing Darwin & the Joy Path.  Weird idea:

What if I edit all 5 finished Darwin books before I begin the 6th?

Goals of the week:

1. Recover from the previous week.
2. Spend time with son when I can since he’ll be busy.
3. Edit Darwin & the Fate Bracelet.
4. Work on March blog posts.
5. Biking.
6. Go back to eating salads for lunch.
7. Hydrate to ward off IBS episode for as long as possible.
8. Sleep.
9. To Be Determined Later