This is a fun excerpt from War of Nytefall: Lost and it always makes me smile. Others have enjoyed it and it relates to the humor again. Think that’s they theme going forward with this month’s teasers before Ravenous makes it’s teaser debut next month.
“I need more ribbons!” Lost shouts from behind Lou. Covered in colorful bows, the grumbling ogre is about to move when his legs lock. “You can’t get them, so I’ll send those tiny guards. They look fast. Can you bring me some paint too? Pink and yellow would be good for these horns. Need to make them look nice and pretty to match the rest of my room. We’re going to make you look very colorful. Oh, I can put a powderpuff tail on the back of your pants. Why would I want that?”
“Excuse me, but can I have my bodyguard back?” Nadia asks from the doorway. Receiving nothing more than a blank stare, she marches over to the bed and leans over the girl. “If you are to be a guest here then you must ask permission to take other people’s things. No offense, Lou, but you know what I mean. Now, please return his dignity and clean him off, so he can return to his post. I can’t believe the one who turned you never taught you to be more mature. You appear old enough to understand how an adult should act.”
With a pout, Lost takes off all of the bows and hands the ogre his shirt, which no longer has its sleeves. Seeing Xavier enter the room, the girl gently shoves Lou aside with one hand and jumps to land on the noble’s shoulders. She is immediately yanked to the floor by Kai, who keeps a tight hold on the collar of her shirt. Unable to slip out of his grasp, Lost casually punches the spymaster in the shoulder to sever his arm. She frees herself from the dangling limb and is about to throw it to the ground when she sees that Xavier is glaring at her. Muttering an apology, she gives the body part back to Kai and goes to sit on the edge of her stolen bed looking like she has been thoroughly scolded. She only looks up to wiggle her fingers at a guard, who stacks two dressers on top of each other and pushes them into the corner.
“Everyone keeps mentioning being turned, but I don’t know what that term means,” Lost explains, her sadness slipping into the minds of the guards. Not wanting to get in trouble, she frees them from her control and pulls her knees against her chest. “All I wanted to do was have some fun in my new home. Unless you’re going to send your own daughter away and make me sleep on the streets. I really believe I’m your child since we have the same hair and our noses are kind of similar. By the way, I heard you talk about killing me after taking my memories. That might not be a good idea because I never even met this Clyde. At best, you can visit an old gnomish couple near a town called Vorgabog without raising suspicions.”
“This raises more questions,” Xavier mutters under his breath. Putting out a hand to stop Kai from drawing an enchanted sleeping dart, he takes a seat next to Lost and awkwardly pats her on the shoulder. “Much of what you say doesn’t make any sense to us. I don’t understand how these gnomes fit into your past unless one of them made you. If that is the case then they should have told you that turning is when a vampire bites a mortal and transforms them. The truth is that it couldn’t have been me because I would have remembered you like I do with all of my beloved children. You see the dwarf over there? That is Kenneth Decker, who I created on a battlefield in the Northern Continent’s mountains three hundred and twenty-four years ago. My memory is that good and I have no recollection of you.”
“Maybe it only works on those you bite.”
“That is what I’m saying.”
“Well, that’s not how you made me.”
“How else would I have sired you?”
Lost blushes before briefly controlling Decker and Kai, the pair leaving the room and closing the door behind them. “I’m sorry nobody ever explained this to you. When a mommy and daddy fall in love or simply want to give in to their primal urges, they do something called sex. You put your thingamajig into my mommy’s whatchamacallit, the wrestling match of procreation happened, and I plopped out about eight months later. The gnomes found me after mom abandoned me and became my adopted parents, which I’m thankful for. I didn’t know I could make vampires by biting, so maybe I should go back home and turn them. They’ve done so much for me that I should repay them. Why are you and my step-mommy staring at me with your mouths open? I’m not lying.”