Ten Things Not to Do on a Guest Post for Charles Yallowitz (By John Howell)

(A big welcome to John and a thank you for this funny post.  Everyone enjoy!)

The inspiration for this post was an invitation to join Charles for a guest slot. In thinking on what I could write about it came to me that he and I have two different worlds in which we write. He is an excellent fantasy author, and I do thrillers. I put on my imagination hat and started to think of all the characters and situations one could run into if you visited Charles’ place. If you get a chance to join Charles on his blog keep this list handy.

10 If you are guest posting on Charles Yallowitz’s blog, do not drink anything. If you do, at best it will really be water. At worst, it will be one of the potions that can cause a horn to grow out of your forehead. (Now don’t you look foolish Christopher. At least you have a place to hang your hat.)

9 If you are guest posting on Charles Yallowitz’s blog, do not bring Tiny the WWF champ along for the ride. If you do, at best he’ll want to stay in the car. At worst, he will come in and be confronted by a winged dragon. (Now you’ll have to pay for that missing wall, Caleb. You forgot that Tiny doesn’t use doors when he is afraid.)

8 If you are guest posting on Charles Yallowitz’s blog, do not touch any buttons. If you do, at best you’ll hit the deli delivery button. At worst, your button will cause the floor to fall away. ( And now, Cameron you can be heard screaming as you continue to drop through the seven layers of hell in the bottomless abyss.)

7 If you are guest posting on Charles Yallowitz’s blog, do not pick up that magic bow. If you do, at best the spell has been lifted. At worst, you’ll find yourself in another land being chased by a herd of stainless steel horned water buffalo. ( Maybe you can catch a stray Griffen and fly out of harm’s way, Connor.)

6 If you are guest posting on Charles Yallowitz’s blog, do not talk to anyone who has the first name of Dawn. If you do, at best you might get a good morning. At worst, you could find yourself holding your own severed head while trying to put out the fire in your pants. (You really didn’t say anything wrong, Christian. Dawn Addison is a very unusual individual is all.)

5 If you are guest posting on Charles Yallowitz’s blog, do not go into the Ye Olde Spell Shoppe. If you do, at best you’ll look and not buy. At worst, you’ll be convinced to try the invisible spell only to discover there is no antidote. (You’ve seen the movie “The Invisible Man,” haven’t you, Cody. Just get a wrap for your head and some really weird sunglasses. No one will know until you take them off.)

4 If you are guest posting on Charles Yallowitz’s blog, do not sit on that comfy looking chair. If you do, at best the chair will recognize you as an innocent. At worst, it is a follower of one of the evil ones and is now consuming you as if it were a venus flytrap. (I’ve heard a little cayenne pepper will make it stop, Cole. Oh, you don’t have any. Well, see you around.)

3 If you are guest posting on Charles Yallowitz’s blog, do not accept a ride home in a jeep from anyone named Cassidy who has a sidekick named Lloyd. If you do, at best your home is only a block away. At worst, you will find yourself on a wild ride that will make Mr. Toad look like a geriatric. (So tired of being shot at huh Carlos? Ask Lloyd if you can borrow a gun, so maybe you can shoot back. All he has is a grenade launcher? Well that will do.)

2 If you are guest posting on Charles Yallowitz’s blog, do not joke about hiring Ichabod Brooks the mercenary to take out your Fantasy Football rival. If you do, at best he will be too busy. At worst, you will get an invoice for services rendered plus expenses. (The one thing you don’t want to do right now, Cooper is not paying the bill. Yes, your joke went too far, but at least you may win the league championships. Not paying has dire consequences.)

1 If you are guest posting on Charles Yallowitz’s blog, do not pick up any bunnies that you think are strays. If you do, at best someone will take the animal away quickly. At worst, you will witness the transformation from bunny to killing machine. (Unfortunately, the bunny thinks you are a threat, Carter. I would run fast while you still have a nose.)

John’s Bio:

John W, Howell began his writing as a full-time occupation after an extensive business career. His specialty is thriller fiction novels, but John also writes poetry and short stories. His first book, My GRL, introduces the exciting adventures of the book’s central character, John J. Cannon. The second Cannon novel, His Revenge, continues the adventure, while the final book in the trilogy, Our Justice, launched in September 2016. Circumstances of Childhood in October 1st 2017. The latest, The Contract was launched the week of June 4th, 2018. All books are available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle editions. John lives in Port Aransas, Texas with his wife and their spoiled rescue pets.

Social Media

Blog Fiction Favorites, http://johnwhowell.com/

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/john.howell.98229241

Twitter –https://www.twitter.com/HowellWave

Authors db –http://www.authorsdb.com/authors-directory/6604-john-w-howell

LinkedIn –http://www.linkedin.com/pub/john-w-howell/48/b59/462/

Google +https://plus.google.com/+JohnHowellAuthor/

Goodreads –https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7751796.John_W_Howell

Amazon Author’s page –https://www.amazon.com/author/johnwhowell






About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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55 Responses to Ten Things Not to Do on a Guest Post for Charles Yallowitz (By John Howell)

  1. Maybe I’ll just talk to that Chastity person. She seems nice and has apple fritters. I’d better get there before that Drite finishes them off.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Was so nice being here, Charles. Oh, what’s that shiny thing on the table….*Poof*


  3. Reblogged this on Fiction Favorites and commented:
    I am visiting Charles E. Yallowitz today. He has an amazing place so go see for yourself. I wouldn’t touch anything if I were you. He is introducing his newest book War of Nytefall – Lost. Check it out.


  4. Darlene says:

    Yikes!! I will be sure to keep these tips in mind and not sit in a comfy chair. I better put some cayenne pepper in my purse as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. John, you need to take your show on the road!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ha! John, Tiny and the dragon, and the erstwhile door made me snort.
    Charles, best wishes with the new book. Congratulations. Hugs all around.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Very funny! 😀 Love #6 – though I guess a fire in the pants is nothing to laugh about…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Dan Antion says:

    Note to self: Buy cayenne pepper at the grocery store and keep in a handy place.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. The Hook says:

    John is an amazing guest, isn’t he?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. A killer bunny-yikes! Great post, John. Nice seeing you on Charles’ terrific blog 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. D.L Finn, Author says:

    I laughed my way through this list! I wouldn’t mind running into a dragon, but I will be careful where I sit or what I drink. Your humor and fantasy are a good match John:)

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Good job, John 👍😃😂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. kethuprofumo says:

    Incredible Fantasy Ten Things, dear John!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Pingback: Ten Things Not to Do on a Guest Post for Charles Yallowitz – By John Howell… | Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog

  15. Brilliant John and Charles, perhaps some no trespassing signs decorated with dragons etc. In the blogger daily…


  16. Pingback: Smorgasbord Blogger Daily – Thursday, September 4th, 2018 – Charles E. Yallowitz with John W. Howell, Teri Polen with Mae Clair and Beaton Mabaso on #websitess. | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

  17. Chuck says:

    I don’t think I can keep my hands off things, especially if they are shiny or intriguing. I’d better stay away. 🤪


  18. Bryan Fagan says:

    Now I want to touch the buttons.


  19. This is such an awesome post, Charles and John. Such a good idea.


  20. Jennie says:

    This was outstanding, and of course hilarious!


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